tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3540188073797679823..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: 110 Historical FictionAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89219856908290340162010-03-30T08:01:47.615-04:002010-03-30T08:01:47.615-04:00The first sentence didn't read very clearly to...The first sentence didn't read very clearly to me. I had to re-read it to get a sense of it. I agree with everyone who is saying the druidess part is the most intriguing. Quite a few entries in this comp have mentioned death, but yours is the first druidess :-)Bronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13029635239132926178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9612572412199873792010-03-27T22:47:50.549-04:002010-03-27T22:47:50.549-04:00The first line was confusing. I read Death as a p...The first line was confusing. I read Death as a person too. <br /><br />I agree with others who say that the most important part of this is that she doesn't want to be a druidessCheryl Snoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21386084712582336002010-03-26T20:58:45.338-04:002010-03-26T20:58:45.338-04:00Not hooked yet--the first sentence feels too melod...Not hooked yet--the first sentence feels too melodramatic and uninspired. I'm more interesting in why she didn't want to be a druidess. <br /><br />I wonder if you could rework it so that is nearer the beginning, then lead into the scene showing us why she doesn't want that and what her secret is.Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60508738074013068552010-03-26T14:03:14.883-04:002010-03-26T14:03:14.883-04:00The first sentence is incomplete and confusing, an...The first sentence is incomplete and confusing, and I agree with susiej about the death cliche. "Ciara didn't want to be a druidess." would be a winner.Lucy Woodhullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10772331811727392601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33136126729962143492010-03-26T09:25:44.202-04:002010-03-26T09:25:44.202-04:00If you turn the first sentence around and replaced...If you turn the first sentence around and replaced the pronoun, it would be clearer: If Ciara's secret escaped, death waited. <br /><br />Starting with the word death, may seem intriguing, but if you've looked at many of these entries, you'll notice quite of few of them begin: I died yesterday or Death isn't so bad, etc.etc. <br /><br />It was the druid line that caught me. What about staring with:<br /><br />Ciara didn't want to be a druidess. <br /><br />That immediately sets the reader in the time frame, makes us sympathize with the MC and gives us her lovely name. I'd want to read that!sbjameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06986950185596914217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17580318020778176092010-03-26T09:17:17.684-04:002010-03-26T09:17:17.684-04:00Interesting set up, I would keep reading.
I would...Interesting set up, I would keep reading.<br /><br />I would likely change the wording a bit on the first sentance to be a bit more clear though. Death could read as both an event and person.Bradhttp://deceptivelyrandom.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77016046516207513542010-03-26T06:34:26.169-04:002010-03-26T06:34:26.169-04:00The first sentence is confusing at first. Death re...The first sentence is confusing at first. Death reads like a person. I think this needs editing, but it's interesting.Jodi Meadowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796496740054225283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51766145660587260282010-03-25T18:09:15.936-04:002010-03-25T18:09:15.936-04:00I'm a little confused by what's here, thou...I'm a little confused by what's here, though the genre and implied timeframe are some of my favorites, so I'd probably keep going. (Unsure on the title though)Annahttp://www.justoneanna.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9586179183384109622010-03-25T16:54:49.706-04:002010-03-25T16:54:49.706-04:00Mostly hooked - I would keep reading to find out m...Mostly hooked - I would keep reading to find out more. :-)Shannon O'Donnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17299313309059235876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42383449054291470372010-03-25T16:51:24.069-04:002010-03-25T16:51:24.069-04:00I don't understand the first sentence. Maybe I...I don't understand the first sentence. Maybe I'm a little slow, but it feels like it's missing a word or two?Valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13926854472611072303noreply@blogger.com