tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3590414398722255208..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Kiss #3Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72506386220436932242015-02-11T23:03:40.567-05:002015-02-11T23:03:40.567-05:00I think this is a very sweet kiss, and I love firs...I think this is a very sweet kiss, and I love first kisses told from the male perspective. There's just some small things - using inching twice, for instance - I like the visual but would like a different word.<br /><br />I like how she pulls back and he follows her. That's very romantic. One thing, though - I read a lot of romance, it's my genre, and I have to say, I'm tired, TIRED, of people sucking, nibbling, and biting lower lips. And does anyone even do that in real life?? Or, maybe just never the guys I kissed? Either way, my opinion is it's overused.<br /><br />I wonder if her face should just be blank. Would it have some sort of emotion related to the green sedan arriving? It would be fun for him to open his eyes to some look on her face he was not expecting at all, and react to that, and then have it turn out to be because it's about what's going on behind him. This seems like it might read well because this scene starts with a light, playful mood, so it might be nice to end it that way as well. <br /><br />I really enjoyed this kiss! Best of luck!Melanie Brucenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87980960606204367642015-02-11T20:56:21.476-05:002015-02-11T20:56:21.476-05:00I liked the scene. I had a moment of confusion -- ...I liked the scene. I had a moment of confusion -- which may simply be because the scene is taken out of context, when Marc worried if it 'would hurt' before he kissed her. I had to check that this wasn't sci-fi/fantasy -- I thought he might have some condition that made contact painful. I'm assuming this is a more emotional hurt he fears? The post-kiss reaction by Sierra is great, pulling the reader deeper into the story.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06611656982367077903noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27677621454248165932015-02-11T18:29:05.646-05:002015-02-11T18:29:05.646-05:00I enjoyed this! I like the abrupt interruption of ...I enjoyed this! I like the abrupt interruption of suspense storyline. - you might alter the before he could... Before / to be along the lines of<br />Later he might / later he'd worry/ wonder <br />So as to keep reader in tighter mc pov. <br />Happy writing!Austenfannoreply@blogger.com