tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3647287993656063739..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Secret Agent #37Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71739986024653576122020-04-19T16:36:06.337-04:002020-04-19T16:36:06.337-04:00It's an interesting opening and world, but I f...It's an interesting opening and world, but I feel like it didn't grab me the way it did others. I feel like it gets stronger as we move on and I'm more interested in what the newspaper says than the snit they are having.John Zeleznikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10301257444191880316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8906315536504831812020-04-17T13:48:43.383-04:002020-04-17T13:48:43.383-04:00Oooh, ok I really LOVE this world! And I LOVE this...Oooh, ok I really LOVE this world! And I LOVE this opening sentence. So much great insight into Quinn as a character. The second sentence may need some tweaking to make sense, but I get the sentiment that is being conveyed. I’d also like to know why the Queenie performance is something that was potentially controversial? Or why he may not have been doing it in the first place? Not too much, but just a line so I can understand a bit more of the tension in the scene. I’d also like to know who Rina is upfront. Again, just an extra line. Nothing too extravagant. The pacing and dialogue are fantastic and I wouldn’t want to upset the flow, but you are giving the reader a lot of information and a few more small, well-placed details could make sure readers are keeping up. Really nice job, though! I’d absolutely read on. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38324124336270943832020-04-17T12:01:15.881-04:002020-04-17T12:01:15.881-04:00I really like this, but I would prefer to know whe...I really like this, but I would prefer to know where we are at the very beginning. Is he thinking this while looking at something or someone? Or is he already looking for Jaq? It feels like he finds her but we didn't know he was looking for her.<br /><br />It's great otherwise. Love the world!<br /><br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77100114332977184062020-04-16T11:17:01.232-04:002020-04-16T11:17:01.232-04:00I wasn't thrilled with the first paragraph, wh...I wasn't thrilled with the first paragraph, which felt to me more like a hook than an opening. The rest is better, although it might help to have some more description grounding us in the world before all the dialogue.J E Oneilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09780097298061829471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84574012163944715022020-04-15T17:25:36.976-04:002020-04-15T17:25:36.976-04:00I love the opening to this- the first line is grea...I love the opening to this- the first line is great and i like the image of Jaq blowing fire out after Quinn spits out the declaration. <br />I got caught up on "swigging from a flask by a hoop dangling from a tree" and had to reread it to try to figure it out, as it was so close to the beginning that I thought I ought to pay special attention. I was a little confused at who was talking- a re-read made it clear, but I think tagging Quinn instead of he would be helpful, especially with the Menagerie and Rina and the Queenie show thrown in.<br />Overall, it's very interesting. I'm interested as to why Jaq no longer talks to the king's people and why she's insistent that Quinn read the paper. I'd definitely keep reading.<br />Thanks for sharing!<br /><br />Sunshinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03271893287964509124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31671532785841095592020-04-15T14:57:43.213-04:002020-04-15T14:57:43.213-04:00The dialogue here pops nicely, and there is a ton ...The dialogue here pops nicely, and there is a ton of information being laid out for the rest of the scene. Perhaps watch how many names you drop, it can be overwhelming to some readers, but I think you have a very interesting 250 words and I would love to read on!Snorter McPhailnoreply@blogger.com