tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3652448007865380457..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Grab My Heart #36Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3236326681267937112018-07-18T15:29:33.969-04:002018-07-18T15:29:33.969-04:00I also agree-I came down here to comment that I wa...I also agree-I came down here to comment that I wasn't sure about the identity of the main character and had to re-read to understand that it isn't Raid. I love the opening paragraph. I think that the next three focus too much on revealing information. All we really need to know is what is happening now, and what our main character wants tonight. That will grip us enough to keep us reading (especially because it is something exciting like a hunt) to eventually learn more about this world. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15931930938362271431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3299979889570226942018-07-18T15:07:12.824-04:002018-07-18T15:07:12.824-04:00I agree with everything in the first comment. I re...I agree with everything in the first comment. I really like this premise and Azrielle is a strong character with strong voice. I would definitely turn the page!ShelleyJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14099420488640174252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23361521409175188822018-07-18T14:18:12.084-04:002018-07-18T14:18:12.084-04:00I wonder if you should reword the pitch, so you st...I wonder if you should reword the pitch, so you start with Azrielle rather than Raid. I found it confusing at first because I thought Raid was going to be the main character. The last two sentences of the pitch are great.<br /><br />I love the first lines, and I think the scene you're starting with is good, but I think it would be more effective if you took out the exposition and focused on what Azrielle is doing. For example, the first sentence in the second paragraph is scene, but the rest of the paragraph is exposition. Third paragraph is scene, fourth paragraph is exposition. I think this would be most effective if you'd leave out the explanations for now and just focus on describing her hunting whatever it is that she is hunting.eveysmom810noreply@blogger.com