tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3763763604001638906..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: April Secret Agent #45Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82762058053734109162013-04-29T16:52:35.312-04:002013-04-29T16:52:35.312-04:00I'd like to echo the sentiment from the secret...I'd like to echo the sentiment from the secret agent about showing what the character is feeling. I wasn't quite sure what wasn't working for me, but that nails it. I think fewer descriptions of physical movements, replacing those with what the character is feeling, and insight into who this person is and the setting of your story, will really help. Best of luck :)Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50266814024564122782013-04-28T12:28:13.087-04:002013-04-28T12:28:13.087-04:00Iagree that the MC needs to be a bit more out of i...Iagree that the MC needs to be a bit more out of it and adding more pnic and fear would help the scene. I'd read on because I want to know wha happened. And I'm also curious about the MC and really want to know more about him/her. Pam Vickershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05473439506197768107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18473157246594039282013-04-26T16:38:53.522-04:002013-04-26T16:38:53.522-04:00Great voice and description. I don't mind a m...Great voice and description. I don't mind a main character waking up in this suspenseful manner, but I'm not sure I believe she'd know it had been some sort of drug that knocked her out. She should have no idea what happened, be woozy without knowing why. And I'd expect her to panic a bit more and look for possible modes of escape. Is she locked in a room? That should be the first thing she notices, in my opinion.Jennifer Kayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00151358290264027095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51148536302206935992013-04-25T10:22:24.360-04:002013-04-25T10:22:24.360-04:00Beginning with waking does not bother me. I WOULD ...Beginning with waking does not bother me. I WOULD like to know sooner if the MC is a male or female.<br /><br />Your description of the surroundings is super, and I think young adults would appreciate the 'eeuuuu' factor of waking up in filth. ;-)<br /><br />Like others have mentioned, there is a lot of psychic distance in this, which pushes away emotion. <br /><br />I liked the premise and voice and would read on. SanWriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07882213832893854098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81326408385843024682013-04-24T21:28:44.052-04:002013-04-24T21:28:44.052-04:00I'm okay with the waking up since it's not...I'm okay with the waking up since it's not your typical "here I am waking in my comfy bed" scene. That said, you are describing what should be a traumatic experience in very detached language. I don't feel a sense of confusion, anger, panic, fear or anything from your mc. I'd suggest cutting out some of the blow by blow movements and add in more internalization.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01052604405996474436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77011257133164542982013-04-24T20:19:26.167-04:002013-04-24T20:19:26.167-04:00If you're going to open with your MC awakening...If you're going to open with your MC awakening in a strange place after getting knocked out, we need to get a sense of his/her disorientation and fear. The MC's oddly relaxed. I certainly wouldn't be. Make us feel it!Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9205686199680218862013-04-24T18:16:08.417-04:002013-04-24T18:16:08.417-04:00This feels very familiar, which is a drawback IMO....This feels very familiar, which is a drawback IMO. Don't connect with the MC's disgust at her surroundings. Why isn't she freaked out at being somewhere unknown?<br /><br />mskatrinanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9793012215353221262013-04-24T16:11:39.985-04:002013-04-24T16:11:39.985-04:00Your MC seems more concerned that she's lying ...Your MC seems more concerned that she's lying in filth than the fact that she's waking up in a strange place.<br /><br />It's so hard to tell with only 250 words but unless she's used to waking up in strange places, I'd think she'd be terrified not disgusted.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81166904352211888102013-04-24T13:35:17.366-04:002013-04-24T13:35:17.366-04:00I think in general people have a problem with the ...I think in general people have a problem with the waking-up beginning when it's a regular day, waking up in one's own bed, so I'm less worried about that here. <br /><br />However, I agree that I'm not really feeling pulled into this character's situation. I guess maybe more emotion or even a sense of panic (if called for) would help put us on your MC's side. <br /><br />Still, I'm definitely curious about where your MC is and what brought him/her there, so I'd read on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78650991004633262752013-04-24T12:33:43.541-04:002013-04-24T12:33:43.541-04:00Not sure how I feel about the story beginning with...Not sure how I feel about the story beginning with your MC waking up. Everything I've read about fiction writing says this should be avoided. I think it's been overdone, which is why it's frowned upon?<br /><br />I'm not drawn in enough to want to read on. Maybe you could start earlier? Perhaps a scene of the MC being abducted?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com