tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3774577692339874167..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #4Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59559938271507272562016-03-31T15:11:50.583-04:002016-03-31T15:11:50.583-04:00I'm afraid that this opening really doesn'...I'm afraid that this opening really doesn't work for me. Dialogue needs outside markers of action, pacing, and tone to really be effective. Having a wall of dialogue with no other writing is confusing and difficult to read. <br /><br />I get the sense that you only included dialogue because this is the murder scene and you don't want to reveal the participants. If that is indeed the case I'd say first that you don't automatically need to include a murder scene for a mystery to be successful--many have them, but many only show the body. It may be in your best interest to cut this scene. However, if you decide you really want or have to include a murder scene in your story, then you have to approach it a different way. Provide some details, some setting, while keeping the participants' identities obscured.<br /><br />I hope this has been helpful! Thank you for your entry.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8303946946502646362016-03-30T15:08:33.014-04:002016-03-30T15:08:33.014-04:00I'm lost. I don't know if you were going f...I'm lost. I don't know if you were going for a Cormac McCarthy type of minimalism or not but this didn't work for me. I'd suggest reading McCarthy or some Charlie Huston to see how the pros do it. Hope this helps. (I hate giving just negative feedback, but some of the best advice I've been given in writing and in life really sucked to hear.)JWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16080746475484345672016-03-30T13:51:20.956-04:002016-03-30T13:51:20.956-04:00Ugh. Your use of all dialogue doesn't work for...Ugh. Your use of all dialogue doesn't work for me..for all the reasons others critters have expressed above. I once read a suggestion to start your first draft with all dialogue to see where the characters are headed, then add all the other ingredients to round out the story line. Perhaps that could work for you in your next edit. Good luck.GeeWizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06941244713771870949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2006542661072640382016-03-30T09:56:31.397-04:002016-03-30T09:56:31.397-04:00Starting with dialog is hard because we don't ...Starting with dialog is hard because we don't have any sense of who is talking. There is no setting to ground us. That this is a mystery, we assume it starts with a murder and that's what comes next, which is too predictable for me.<br /><br />The dialog is realistic. Maybe too realistic. It has a linear feel. I was waiting for the surprise, but it's not on the page. I think this an okay beginning but I'm not hooked yet. <br /><br />I think you need to show who the MC is and give a tiny snippet of his/her life before we see this scene. I think you need to develop the setting here. Right now I don't even know their genders. There are no physical cues. Hope this helps. Good luck.Chelly Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10795244697037344432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71358215763708874932016-03-30T09:56:07.782-04:002016-03-30T09:56:07.782-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Chelly Writeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10795244697037344432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73003394122175614252016-03-30T09:52:43.699-04:002016-03-30T09:52:43.699-04:00Immediate conflict is a good thing, but I'm no...Immediate conflict is a good thing, but I'm not caring enough about the characters involved at this point to be really invested. Maybe if you added some short descriptions of the speakers in between the dialogue lines, we would start getting to know them? That way we have tension plus a connection to the story/voice of the MC. :) I want to pick a side! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16961776482652397201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36527079155720822722016-03-30T09:20:26.375-04:002016-03-30T09:20:26.375-04:00Hey there. I think the dialogue is quite strong, h...Hey there. I think the dialogue is quite strong, however it is only dialogue. You haven't constructed a dynamic scene to go along with this dialogue; to make it truly flow. Furthermore, I have a feeling the first person is female and the second male, but I'm not certain. There is no, "he said" or "she said" dialogue tags. I think your writing has a realistic flow to it. The dialogue is easy and quick to read, however there needs to be action/a little narrative to provide your readers with a moving illustration of what you're trying to show.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13464997188215383744noreply@blogger.com