tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3826668297462058279..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: 10TH BIRTHDAY BLOGPITCH #1: YA ContemporaryAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54545152210385865842023-09-05T11:24:08.942-04:002023-09-05T11:24:08.942-04:00The article has some good and serviceable informat...The article has some good and serviceable information.<br /><a href="https://federalcriminallawyer.info/new-jersey-federal-criminal-defense/" rel="nofollow">New Jersey Federal Criminal Defense Lawyer</a><br />Antonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01659150001838755030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41689067793264046742018-03-29T15:56:17.714-04:002018-03-29T15:56:17.714-04:00The premise of this manuscript sounds fantastic. I...The premise of this manuscript sounds fantastic. I think you shouldn't use the girl's nickname (Bits) in this because it is confusing for the reader.<br /><br />Just refine the beginning and I think everything will be much clearer.khadijahnmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08171822121286012268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35049400753636070802018-03-29T12:57:03.688-04:002018-03-29T12:57:03.688-04:00Like Holly said, I think you can condense the firs...Like Holly said, I think you can condense the first line. I would say, 'Bits' crush has just moved into the house her family lost'. Awkward... Then,sum up the stakes a little more concisely. The last line seems awkwardly worded. Having said that, this seems like an intriguing story. Best of luck!Susannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74184614497630423492018-03-29T12:03:54.475-04:002018-03-29T12:03:54.475-04:00This first line is confusing. I think it's try...This first line is confusing. I think it's trying to say WAY too much when all we need to know is what incites the story (my guess is that it's him moving into her old house). After we know that, we need to know what her goal is for the story. Does she want to get her letters back? Why is this going to be difficult and what does she have to lose if he sees them first?<br /><br />Good luck!<br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23494500940987511372018-03-29T11:41:52.827-04:002018-03-29T11:41:52.827-04:00I love the title. The last three sentences are gol...I love the title. The last three sentences are gold. Makes me want to read, but I can't get to them because the first two sentences are awkward and don't really set up the second half. I have questions, but I feel like I need to know the answers instead before I start reading.John Zeleznikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10301257444191880316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43376386858214329442018-03-29T11:30:38.199-04:002018-03-29T11:30:38.199-04:00I didn't really get hooked until I got to the ...I didn't really get hooked until I got to the part about the secret letters. This really intrigued me and sound like a wonderful plot device for conflict and tension! I would like to know more about why his family is bereaved. Is Bits the tutor? If Chase was ineligible, how did they become friendlier? I'm wondering if she does tutor him after all, but the pitch makes it sound like she doesn't.Loretta Chefhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14614456326479128984noreply@blogger.com