tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3837644615432008113..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: May Secret Agent #1Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13724257697174139642010-05-22T16:57:36.359-04:002010-05-22T16:57:36.359-04:00I'm very intrigued (hate dentist appointments ...I'm very intrigued (hate dentist appointments o.O) and would read on. Nice voice!Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36000585912095639832010-05-21T12:13:12.329-04:002010-05-21T12:13:12.329-04:00I'm sort of on the fence as I found myself ski...I'm sort of on the fence as I found myself skimming this sample a bit so not everything caught my attention but certain lines did such as:<br /><br />My response is lost in the suctioning of my spit, but the woman is fluent in phlegm.<br /><br />I'm a prodigy in all things disturbing.<br /><br />I found these lines hilarious so I wanted to keep reading and the last line was very intriguing to me. So overall, I would want to keep reading just a bit more to see what else would happen :)Jennnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55044224877180565552010-05-20T14:08:20.985-04:002010-05-20T14:08:20.985-04:00I liked this too, and found the last line intrigui...I liked this too, and found the last line intriguing. I'd keep reading, but I'm wondering how important the dentist is. We hear a lot from him but he's very generic.Kate Fallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12856887940900664692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86816330386810414682010-05-20T13:55:22.222-04:002010-05-20T13:55:22.222-04:00Interested--yes. I thought it sounds like she'...Interested--yes. I thought it sounds like she's getting old prematurely, not necessarily witch, but I thought it worked.Kathleen@so much to say, so little timehttp://www.kathleenbasi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76831461007474328222010-05-20T11:35:32.017-04:002010-05-20T11:35:32.017-04:00While I'm not completely hooked I am intereste...While I'm not completely hooked I am interested enough to read on. Nothing makes me more sympathetic towards a character than a dentist scene Ugh:) Best of luck!Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00546484149438441933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58464155514800688252010-05-20T11:00:41.043-04:002010-05-20T11:00:41.043-04:00I'm with the anti-adjective peeps. I believe t...I'm with the anti-adjective peeps. I believe this would read more smoothly if it were streamlined a bit more. <br /><br />The third paragraph was my favorite (& the reason I'd keep reading a bit more because I like the author's voice). I liked the 'graph about her aging issues, too. Given my phobia of all things dentist-y, this is definitely something I'd have given a chance when I was in the target audience.Ami Hendricksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16113842141579251283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10396427783598736792010-05-20T10:13:42.618-04:002010-05-20T10:13:42.618-04:00I liked this a lot - nice writing. I disagree with...I liked this a lot - nice writing. I disagree with the overwritten feedback - I think that my dentist would say the part about tooth clenching exactly like that. And I was drawn in by the last line along with the implication from the tooth clenching that she's under a lot of stress.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03806235121837185923noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29581300134936857632010-05-20T00:52:19.908-04:002010-05-20T00:52:19.908-04:00Just the line "the woman is fluent in phlegm&...Just the line "the woman is fluent in phlegm" makes me love this! And I get a sense that this book will be full of fun little phrases like this!Christina Farleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03459203755170266842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29689583631391095802010-05-20T00:31:12.853-04:002010-05-20T00:31:12.853-04:00I'm hooked. I love something that makes me lau...I'm hooked. I love something that makes me laugh...and you got me with fluent in phlegm. Nice job!Lori Folkmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12707165102926821045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16557897286897364272010-05-19T23:01:03.103-04:002010-05-19T23:01:03.103-04:00I'm kinda grossed out by dentists, but I think...I'm kinda grossed out by dentists, but I think it's a great opening. You open the story in a unique way (seriously, how many books begin with a dentist digging into the main character's mouth?), show some humor and also intrigue me by saying she doesn't even know if she'll be there in 10 years. I'd definitely keep reading.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69335972629083783292010-05-19T15:22:19.978-04:002010-05-19T15:22:19.978-04:00Could be smoothed out in places, but I love the vo...Could be smoothed out in places, but I love the voice.Mamehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04853842158606222286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17176958670358037982010-05-19T14:25:58.370-04:002010-05-19T14:25:58.370-04:00The character definitely sounds interesting, but I...The character definitely sounds interesting, but I'm wondering why we start off in a dentist's chair. The line, "I'm a prodigy in all things disturbing" is great and I'd almost rather start there. I'm much more connected from that point on than I was with the opening.Kelly Hashwayhttp://www.kellyhashway.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47301023109040995602010-05-19T14:17:58.125-04:002010-05-19T14:17:58.125-04:00I love the character's voice and want to learn...I love the character's voice and want to learn what's put her in this place. I want to read more!eurekanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52151462366643874042010-05-19T14:00:03.435-04:002010-05-19T14:00:03.435-04:00I AM hooked! The voice is original...both funny an...I AM hooked! The voice is original...both funny and depressing. I want to know what's going on with Zoe. The last line is the clincher for me!JAYWritesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61460238096521105172010-05-19T13:57:29.485-04:002010-05-19T13:57:29.485-04:00Hooked! I don't think this is over-written at ...Hooked! I don't think this is over-written at all. I really liked the creative descriptions.Elizabeth Janettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09126364534598960883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26933015697709375262010-05-19T13:55:34.112-04:002010-05-19T13:55:34.112-04:00Great writing and nice word choices too! Excavate...Great writing and nice word choices too! Excavate, infiltrate, radiate, sadistic crow. It certainly isn't run of the mill writing.<br /><br />And yet . . . I think it's that Zoe never speaks in dialogue. We get her thoughts through narration, and that's kind of what they sound like - narration. I know there's not really room to speak with a dentist probing her mouth, but even a grunt or mispronounced word would add to this, I think.<br /><br />I'm not hooked, but I wouldn't put it down, either. The good writing would pull me along for a few more pages.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77564386687028148232010-05-19T13:02:32.136-04:002010-05-19T13:02:32.136-04:00I'm hooked. I like the voice and the last line...I'm hooked. I like the voice and the last line will make me keep reading. Good job!Terah Harrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07789239755698142062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27781143698393294652010-05-19T12:52:19.720-04:002010-05-19T12:52:19.720-04:00I enjoyed this. The voice here is great. I loved...I enjoyed this. The voice here is great. I loved the lines, "she is fluent in phelgm." "I'm a prodigy in all things disturbing." I don't think it is over-written. I would keep reading.Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17392103599360100274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12718840549903141822010-05-19T12:31:47.920-04:002010-05-19T12:31:47.920-04:00You've got some great lines in here, as stated...You've got some great lines in here, as stated in the above comments. The problem I have is it seems a little too brooding and depressing. Personally, I wouldn't keep reading. However, I think that there is definitely an audience out there that would continue!<br />Good luck!Pen-Up Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17349431443527029558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46580565552787050902010-05-19T12:17:18.647-04:002010-05-19T12:17:18.647-04:00I love the line, "I'm a prodigy in all th...I love the line, "I'm a prodigy in all things disturbing." I am intrigued by Zoe and want to learn more about her. Why is she aging too soon? The last line is powerful and I like that it stands alone.LuAnnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6508674807270571952010-05-19T10:40:35.489-04:002010-05-19T10:40:35.489-04:00I like the voice here. "Fluent in phlegm"...I like the voice here. "Fluent in phlegm" is great. I already get the feeling that Zoe doesn't think much of herself. In fact, the witch comment emphasizes that - it shows the reader how "lowly" she thinks of herself. And I think that's also an image that comes to a teenager's mind when thinking of streaking grey hair, so it fits, in my opinion.<br /><br />I'd read on because I'm curious to know what's causing this pre-mature aging.Dorothy Dreyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07359417869474783409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29760244197427655372010-05-19T10:08:36.969-04:002010-05-19T10:08:36.969-04:00I liked many things here: the story question - why...I liked many things here: the story question - why is she aging? The way you snuck her age in naturally. "the woman is fluent in phlegm" - that's a great line. <br /><br />"there's nothing worthwhile about me." I immediately thought this was going to be a story about a self-absorbed, whiny teenager. Oh, poor me. When I read on I could see why she's that way. But she seems so resigned and defeated by her fate. <br /><br />I'd definitely read on to see where this is going. I liked the voice and it's an original premise. Good luck!<br /><br />SheilaJGAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60002558082792374962010-05-19T10:02:10.613-04:002010-05-19T10:02:10.613-04:00This is well written and you get an immediate sens...This is well written and you get an immediate sense of Zoe's voice and how she feels.<br />Great job and yes, I would read more!Ravenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201095217806362454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57869415354975366742010-05-19T09:44:44.536-04:002010-05-19T09:44:44.536-04:00This intrigues me, and I like the writing. But I t...This intrigues me, and I like the writing. But I think you could tighten it up just a tad. My dentist, for example, would simply tsk and say, "you've been clinching your teeth. (I'm not sure of the spelling of that word, actually).<br /><br />The only thing I'm a little unsure of is her description of her hair. Why would having a bit of grey in it make her look like a witch? I think there'd have to be more than just the hair going on for that comment to be appropriate in that particular spot.<br /><br />I'd keep reading. Good luck!melodycolleennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86683853641222362272010-05-19T09:39:30.219-04:002010-05-19T09:39:30.219-04:00This feels little over written to me too. I think ...This feels little over written to me too. I think if you are more assertive with the doctor's responses, we the reader can think that he is a little odd instead of having the narrator state it. <br /><br />Although, I am interested why this girl is in some Benjamin Button scenerio with her body being old. But not enough to keep reading. The writing stops me.mepurfieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17883012638377969823noreply@blogger.com