tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3959801941284560838..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talkin' Heads #5Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37095702114310299712016-09-24T16:41:33.319-04:002016-09-24T16:41:33.319-04:00This is adorable. Be careful of overusing accents....This is adorable. Be careful of overusing accents. This piece it was fun, but a whole book would be tiring. If Chip is a major character, I suggest trimming it back.<br /><br />I want to know what a reindeer grimacing looks like.<br />H. R. Sinclairhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06715450637785127208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42158121888451054192016-09-22T22:15:24.531-04:002016-09-22T22:15:24.531-04:00Forgot to add. Is this really YA? If so, I wouldn&...Forgot to add. Is this really YA? If so, I wouldn't have the girl worry about her parents knowing where she is. ikmarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09211122590810154080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64237443720954650092016-09-22T22:12:25.276-04:002016-09-22T22:12:25.276-04:00Great tone. We get an excellent impression of Chip...Great tone. We get an excellent impression of Chip -- although the accent doesn't quite match the name to me that's just subjective.<br /><br />I think the pacing is off to me near the start. I'd erase the 'Can't it wait til morning pair' because I wanted to skip ahead when I reach there. ikmarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09211122590810154080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46827098466539810312016-09-22T14:18:22.140-04:002016-09-22T14:18:22.140-04:00I feel like maybe there's a little too much ac...I feel like maybe there's a little too much accent. I think accents are something you should introduce at the beginning of the conversation, then maybe remind us of every once in a while. With something in every line, I get a little bogged down having to "translate" the phonetic spellings. Having some of the accent, though, is fun and necessary, I think. I like the idea of a talking, Scottish reindeer.<br /><br />I'm not sure I parse the line, "D'ye want ta change the truth behind these rumor or no'?" Change the truth makes me think there's a truth and they're going to magically change it... are they just going to expose the actual truth?<br /><br /><br />I do think Chip is a funny character, though. I like the line, "I dinna ken, but it has a noble ring to it."hlbrixeynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63857752580264110922016-09-22T12:53:52.243-04:002016-09-22T12:53:52.243-04:00The balance seems good, except for one part (start...The balance seems good, except for one part (starting with "after adjusting the apron ties") where four paragraphs in a row start with a beat, followed by dialogue. Maybe mix that up a bit? I think you're doing a good job with the scottish accent, though at times you may not need quite so much of it to get the point across.Wendy Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02364656751478026690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80123376308587453492016-09-22T12:53:38.906-04:002016-09-22T12:53:38.906-04:00The balance seems good, except for one part (start...The balance seems good, except for one part (starting with "after adjusting the apron ties") where four paragraphs in a row start with a beat, followed by dialogue. Maybe mix that up a bit? I think you're doing a good job with the scottish accent, though at times you may not need quite so much of it to get the point across.Wendy Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02364656751478026690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79197499890872404512016-09-22T11:08:18.130-04:002016-09-22T11:08:18.130-04:00The dialog is funny, the characters are likable an...The dialog is funny, the characters are likable and we're on a mission to save Christmas! I want more. The reindeer's dialect effectively distinguishes his lines from the elf's. As for suggestions, I wanted Chip's voice to sound muffled when Tinsel snaps the curtain closed. DCBnoreply@blogger.com