tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3981058094373737647..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent Contest #36Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11252313940012686962018-03-15T12:44:39.926-04:002018-03-15T12:44:39.926-04:00I thought Oliver was missing his companion cat. Wa...I thought Oliver was missing his companion cat. Wasn't he? Insert that if it's true; if it's not, why not? I, too, thought Cathy was old. Maybe add details to show she's quirky and old-fashioned. People love cats! Putting that word in your book description draws readers! I hope Oliver continues to play a role.Bonnie McCunehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17120803006867668396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63049649955368511342018-03-08T09:26:33.389-05:002018-03-08T09:26:33.389-05:00Thanks, Vanessa. I often find that I repeat words,...Thanks, Vanessa. I often find that I repeat words, so I'm working on that. Thanks for pointing out the repetition of "pet." I'm glad my excerpt has piqued your interest and hope it will an agent's. Debbie https://www.blogger.com/profile/15607574489267477391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87248288796405157102018-03-08T09:24:38.377-05:002018-03-08T09:24:38.377-05:00Thank you.Thank you.Debbie https://www.blogger.com/profile/15607574489267477391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85390277804399677432018-03-08T09:04:10.501-05:002018-03-08T09:04:10.501-05:00I'm interested in reading more! I love the tit...I'm interested in reading more! I love the title and can visualize a cover. The voice is clear. I would pay attention to the amount of times the word 'pet' is used. In one sentence, it is used three times. I stumbled a bit when reading it. And in this sentence: "Cathy turned as she heard a low rustle. At first, she thought they were footsteps and that another visitor was joining her to mourn a pet." - it's possible to remove the 'a pet' - as we already know they are in a pet cemetery...so ending on 'mourn' would suffice. Don't mean to be petty. *Pun Fun*! I would read more! Thanks!Author Vanessahttp://www.vanessashields.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78416841191356819292018-03-07T22:22:41.521-05:002018-03-07T22:22:41.521-05:00Intriguing idea for the pet cemetery. It seems ver...Intriguing idea for the pet cemetery. It seems very heavy right off the bat, so if that tone holds, it makes sense. Otherwise, maybe simplifying the syntax may help lighten the mood a bit. So interesting, so far. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73305951447782670572018-03-07T16:41:14.892-05:002018-03-07T16:41:14.892-05:00Thanks, Secret Agent. Cathy actually learns of a m...Thanks, Secret Agent. Cathy actually learns of a murder in the town from her grandmother in the next paragraph, but I was limited to the number of words I could post. I will try to move some of the reveals to later to make room for more up-front action. I appreciate your comments.Debbie https://www.blogger.com/profile/15607574489267477391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32276481873829912992018-03-07T16:39:55.991-05:002018-03-07T16:39:55.991-05:00Thanks for your comments about tightening my work,...Thanks for your comments about tightening my work, Carol. Cathy is in her late twenties. Her age is mentioned later in the book. She just dresses a bit old-fashioned. I appreciate your suggestions. Debbie https://www.blogger.com/profile/15607574489267477391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23857193295927971582018-03-07T15:18:55.387-05:002018-03-07T15:18:55.387-05:00Nice voice and set-up for a cozy. There are a lot...Nice voice and set-up for a cozy. There are a lot of cats and a lot of backstory in this opening. If there is information that can be dispersed a bit so as to have Cathy interacting with some people sooner, consider moving some reveals about cemetery ownership etc. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36255269667470569042018-03-07T11:14:04.186-05:002018-03-07T11:14:04.186-05:00I like this opening, but it would be even stronger...I like this opening, but it would be even stronger with a little tweaking. Suggestions: 1. "She bent down, tears in her eyes, TO read the inscription" 2. Cathy sounds elderly (blue pocketed cardigan) but must not be, based on Fluffy's life expectancy. 3. remove "they were footsteps and" 4. Remove "typical of Siamese cats" 5. remove sentence that begins "Cathy knew..." Good luck!Carol Croninhttp://www.carolnewmancronin.comnoreply@blogger.com