tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4187514845821784526..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talkin' Heads #17Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42460819248086214692013-01-29T21:20:35.452-05:002013-01-29T21:20:35.452-05:00I agree with those who don't have a problem wi...I agree with those who don't have a problem with "says" -- it's invisible. If anything, I'd get rid of "screeches" or "begs," because those popped out at me. <br /><br />An alternative: "'Come on, Annalise—just for a bit,' Richard says, drawing out the last word in a wheedling way." (Not to say that's the way to go, but something like that creates a stronger mental picture than a single word like "beg" could manage.)<br /><br />I liked this -- made me want to know the whole story.CCnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71151826440040413342013-01-28T17:57:05.764-05:002013-01-28T17:57:05.764-05:00I thought this worked. I know who your characters...I thought this worked. I know who your characters are and there was no confusion as to who was speaking.<br /><br />I didn't even notice the 'says' so it would seem they are doing their job of staying invisible, at least to me.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75129725305387521382013-01-28T15:58:02.832-05:002013-01-28T15:58:02.832-05:00This is a good exchange. It shows a bit of persona...This is a good exchange. It shows a bit of personality from each of them. The set up doesn't tell me much about the scene, so it's a little hard to get into, but it looks pretty good overall. Also, I would leave all the "say"s in place. You aleady have begs, screeches, and repeat, you don't want to have too many dialogue tags. "Say" keeps it simple.Danielle La Pagliahttp://www.daniellelapaglia.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47040906374552520252013-01-28T15:50:25.434-05:002013-01-28T15:50:25.434-05:00You use the word 'says' a lot. Try to find...You use the word 'says' a lot. Try to find places where you can omit it completely or where it can be replace with something else: replies, asks, etc.<br /><br />I like the description you give for Stan's actions but you don't descript Richard's or Annalise's actions as much. <br /><br />I really like Stan, I find him interesting and would like to read more about.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11948360246702485434noreply@blogger.com