tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post446398557527882258..comments2024-03-19T03:20:39.801-04:00Comments on Authoress: February Secret Agent #29Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29782473336906838932012-02-18T20:23:58.164-05:002012-02-18T20:23:58.164-05:00Okay, great voice. I’m skeptical that it will wor...Okay, great voice. I’m skeptical that it will work with science fiction though. But, I could be wrong.<br /><br />There is a bit of confusion for me over who has the dog tags, Ella Mae or Aunt Mildred. The first sentence makes it sound like the narrator has them but the second sentence points to Aunt Mildred. <br /><br />Despite a couple bumps. Great beginning.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11591206222004110262012-02-16T08:44:50.931-05:002012-02-16T08:44:50.931-05:00I like the way you give us a sense of place/time w...I like the way you give us a sense of place/time with the language. The description of the two women firmly places images in our minds. Can you tighten up the description a little? Maybe start with the phone ringing to make us wondering who is calling? (the wonderful 'what if?')<br /><br />Nice job- tell me more.SMKraftynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48210043966437321142012-02-15T22:27:00.140-05:002012-02-15T22:27:00.140-05:00I just adore this. VOICE VOICE VOICE. Sounds like ...I just adore this. VOICE VOICE VOICE. Sounds like a great story - good luck!!MarcyKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08303670174583471227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1845736366750152812012-02-15T20:23:27.423-05:002012-02-15T20:23:27.423-05:00I definitely get the voice of historical from this...I definitely get the voice of historical from this. Yay go you!! You might want to watch the repetition of words though.Alleged Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04869021184116123477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61219517675807650902012-02-15T18:48:14.921-05:002012-02-15T18:48:14.921-05:00Ok, I noticed plum foolishness being used twice, s...Ok, I noticed plum foolishness being used twice, so there is either something to the complaints that it weakens the phrase - or else we're all just too wired to look for stuff like that when critiquing! ;-)<br /><br />On the other hand, I actually liked the way it was done. It worked with the voice of the MC and at that age, kids are going to mimic their parents and try to use their language. So, for me, it worked.<br /><br />I really like the voice and would love to read on to find where this is going!GSMarlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17558162486383585621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34513923993695406712012-02-15T18:31:32.822-05:002012-02-15T18:31:32.822-05:00I agree with the repetition of plum foolishness be...I agree with the repetition of plum foolishness being a bit much, maybe try foolishness in the 1st sentence and add plum in the dialogue. Good work!!magmonkey34noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80009074324576834572012-02-15T17:44:50.971-05:002012-02-15T17:44:50.971-05:00I have to agree with Tara on the repeated use of p...I have to agree with Tara on the repeated use of plum foolish. And while I really like the exchange (especially what the aunt says)and all the details it gives us about these characrters. I'm not sure I see what it has to do with Robby because he's not the cousin, or is he? (I thought Ajax was the cousin.)sbjameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06986950185596914217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48214420628828046112012-02-15T15:28:32.427-05:002012-02-15T15:28:32.427-05:00I want to hear every word, too!
I also really lik...I want to hear every word, too!<br /><br />I also really like the voice here, and the premise you've set up in the first couple of paragraphs is very intriguing.<br /><br />I loved the phrase "plum foolishness" in the first sentence, but I thought that when it was repeated in the dialogue that took away some of the freshness. I don't mind having the mother say that it's foolishness and the aunt immediately say that it's not, but I don't think that the mother needs to repeat the word twice or say "plum foolishness" in the dialogue. If she doesn't use that exact phrase, then we can wonder after the first sentence whether it's her phrase or the narrator's...and since it's so voicey, I think I'd rather it be the narrator's, if that makes sense.<br /><br />Anyway, I'd love to read on and wish you the best of luck with this!Tara Dairmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02553180762608936696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67044602223431248682012-02-15T12:42:31.176-05:002012-02-15T12:42:31.176-05:00I would definitely read further to see where this ...I would definitely read further to see where this is going. Sounds a little "Monkey's Paw"-ish. Not a fan of the title, though.will1966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54921530903696100832012-02-15T11:02:51.316-05:002012-02-15T11:02:51.316-05:00Ohhh my. I am so in love with this voice. It remin...Ohhh my. I am so in love with this voice. It reminds me of Meg Murry, actually - just something about it that's spot-on for a twelve-year-old. Maybe it's the singular train of thought using that word - "foolishness" - over and over. <br /><br />It sounds so right, and I can tell that the idea of what exactly "foolishness" is will be an important theme of the story. (Tell me I'm right!!!)<br /><br /><3 GOOD LUCK!!!! <3Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.com