tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4480692276831518237..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: Baby Slushpile #8Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90484483711621378002012-06-29T19:39:08.441-04:002012-06-29T19:39:08.441-04:00No. The title and genre are both too long and the ...No. The title and genre are both too long and the lack of focus continues in the query. I want to know:<br /><br />Who is the MC?<br />What does he need to accomplish?<br />What obstacles does he face?<br />What happens if he fails?<br /><br />And I beg you, don't say "three part trilogy." It grates like "fiction novel,"<br /><br />In case you're wondering why everyone is bugging you about the exclamation points, it's because they're a crutch. They insist that we feel something, but if you use strong, clear language, you won't need them. Trust your writing.Abbe Hoggannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28297755275081351202012-06-29T11:15:19.471-04:002012-06-29T11:15:19.471-04:00Show us the plot. Nothing else matters. And be s...Show us the plot. Nothing else matters. And be specific. If it's fantasy, of course the hero has to defeat the villain and save the day. But how, exactly?MsJudynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31499511773874935772012-06-29T11:05:59.984-04:002012-06-29T11:05:59.984-04:00No. The first thing that made me want to not read ...No. The first thing that made me want to not read further was the title - I think it's much, much too long.librarygiraffehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12285483280673807709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74498550051328551962012-06-29T01:08:05.651-04:002012-06-29T01:08:05.651-04:00No! Exclamation marks! Ellipses! They are . . . to...No! Exclamation marks! Ellipses! They are . . . too many! (Also what everyone else said).Adam Heinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225813532455467868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69029943434679840132012-06-28T19:32:12.717-04:002012-06-28T19:32:12.717-04:00No. Beyond the technical issues, I'm not sure ...No. Beyond the technical issues, I'm not sure what the plot is really about.Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12040763227756818952012-06-28T18:39:44.992-04:002012-06-28T18:39:44.992-04:00No. The overuse of elipses and exclamation points ...No. The overuse of elipses and exclamation points distracted me. I think you need more details on the conflict and plot to pitch how your story is unique. Best of luck.Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80483158629208001362012-06-28T17:51:32.016-04:002012-06-28T17:51:32.016-04:00No. I have no idea what the story is about.No. I have no idea what the story is about.Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46589227356256736732012-06-28T16:11:28.574-04:002012-06-28T16:11:28.574-04:00No.
This seems like it has potential to be a good...No.<br /><br />This seems like it has potential to be a good idea... but the query is too short and completely vague. I have no idea what the plot is or what Bart has to do to fix things. I have no idea how the tarot cards affect anything.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66023910272844004592012-06-28T14:52:07.954-04:002012-06-28T14:52:07.954-04:00No. I'm not sure what the true plot is here. ...No. I'm not sure what the true plot is here. Is this story about Bart defending the world or getting his cards read? I don't mean to sound flip, I just wonder what the focus of your novel is really about, since you begin with "Tarot Card Readings... this way if you dare!"Katie T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/14855059632433222522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24518655912524755932012-06-28T14:47:03.431-04:002012-06-28T14:47:03.431-04:00No. I cannot tell what the story is about, or why ...No. I cannot tell what the story is about, or why I should care. The query is not carefully written. It makes me worry the same is true for the book.JanEnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17277326317937075452012-06-28T14:39:16.780-04:002012-06-28T14:39:16.780-04:00No. What's at stake? I need some more informat...No. What's at stake? I need some more information about the plot details here.Kara Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03373409872641894964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78936944819633250582012-06-28T14:31:56.856-04:002012-06-28T14:31:56.856-04:00No. I need to know who this boy is, and what is at...No. I need to know who this boy is, and what is at stake. I do like the tarot thing though, and think it makes for an interesting premise. There are a lot of names, extraneous details and conventions issues. But this could probably be tightened into something I'd say yes to.SueJayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14428582843087294011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22362682082579947692012-06-28T14:26:58.056-04:002012-06-28T14:26:58.056-04:00No for me. I'm not sure what the story really ...No for me. I'm not sure what the story really is here. Also, some basic things like "three-part trilogy" (trilogy by definition means there will be three), the abundance of exclamation points, and the alliterative names make me shut down on this one. You may have a well-written story but I don't think your query reflects that.Shelli Cornelisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09247205714804640362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21282118693088665052012-06-28T14:10:32.078-04:002012-06-28T14:10:32.078-04:00No. Sorry to repeat what others said, but too many...No. Sorry to repeat what others said, but too many explanation points. I also didn't get a feel for what it's about.Alainahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10343957686450599547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49596913254895297732012-06-28T14:04:33.688-04:002012-06-28T14:04:33.688-04:00No. Stopped reading at "First part in a three...No. Stopped reading at "First part in a three book trilogy."<br />Just query one book.Stefanie Wassnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61797339386304135652012-06-28T14:02:52.472-04:002012-06-28T14:02:52.472-04:00No!!!!
First of all, you can say it's a fanta...No!!!!<br /><br />First of all, you can say it's a fantasy and leave it at that. Middle grade always has action and adventure and the rest of this paragraph should be evident from the summary (which it's not because this isn't really a summary so much as a set up).Holly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31711398526266882822012-06-28T13:59:15.226-04:002012-06-28T13:59:15.226-04:00No for meNo for meBill Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12727407427730937429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7619983656511864602012-06-28T13:45:24.199-04:002012-06-28T13:45:24.199-04:00No - unnecessary introductory paragraph(s), too ma...No - unnecessary introductory paragraph(s), too many exclamation points and not enough focus on your main character's journey.Tracy Holczerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626923883424982455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4103072047117126542012-06-28T13:43:06.573-04:002012-06-28T13:43:06.573-04:00No. Too many exclamation points and I think (?) 30...No. Too many exclamation points and I think (?) 30,000 is a little short for MG fantasy? It makes me think there won't be enough world-building.Christine L. Arnoldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15678937811363853702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27434107157429123072012-06-28T12:41:56.959-04:002012-06-28T12:41:56.959-04:00No. I'm not sure of the hook or stakes.No. I'm not sure of the hook or stakes.Loralie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07134452749240292803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22261717001988203662012-06-28T12:18:52.046-04:002012-06-28T12:18:52.046-04:00No. I can't see a hook or a proper story or di...No. I can't see a hook or a proper story or dilemma from the query. Needs to be fleshed out.Utsavhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03433651206976393579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10363107152231156192012-06-28T11:58:25.552-04:002012-06-28T11:58:25.552-04:00No. Too vague and confusing.No. Too vague and confusing.Stephanie Garberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05418429225626297957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29126931243360586282012-06-28T11:55:41.529-04:002012-06-28T11:55:41.529-04:00No but just barely. For a MG book, I'm distres...No but just barely. For a MG book, I'm distressed about how much you crammed into one paragraph.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16518183823230864763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79490035551618768842012-06-28T11:45:34.283-04:002012-06-28T11:45:34.283-04:00No. Very busy and as has been pointed out, lots o...No. Very busy and as has been pointed out, lots of exclaimation points.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11879405091367210682012-06-28T11:41:39.821-04:002012-06-28T11:41:39.821-04:00Not for me. I don't deal in magic or tarot, bu...Not for me. I don't deal in magic or tarot, but perhaps someone else would connect with the premise.Josienoreply@blogger.com