tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4485728514265551189..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: September Secret Agent #15Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43650805347788107582010-09-26T14:19:18.401-04:002010-09-26T14:19:18.401-04:00I'm hooked. There are some places where the p...I'm hooked. There are some places where the prose can be tightened, but the voice is great, the build up to the intrigue is great. I did also think of Rogue in X-men, but unless a bunch of mutants pop up in the manuscript, I don't think that's a problem.<br /><br />I don't have any more to say other than I would keep reading.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56944902321523940312010-09-24T14:06:44.176-04:002010-09-24T14:06:44.176-04:00Loved the title, hated the typos. Liked the descri...Loved the title, hated the typos. Liked the description of the towns, and I admire the presence of mind to hide somewhere where gloves would not look out of place.<br /><br />I'm with the others on the Rogue-Wolverine-X-Men similarities, which was a bit distracting unless Hugh Jackman is turning up later :-)<br /><br />I'd keep reading, and the title alone would have made me pick it up off the shelf.Divawritesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21559937337308516532010-09-23T13:54:12.911-04:002010-09-23T13:54:12.911-04:00Love the title, especially as it combines things i...Love the title, especially as it combines things in a way they normally wouldn't. Logic would have Wolf with Winter and Rose with Spring. I'm already curious.<br /><br />A couple typos: <i>One</i> upon a time, <i>abut</i><br /><br />Intrigued by the concept of never uncovering her hands. Good story questions.<br /><br />Laughed at the town definition. Great way to work in both her age and setting.<br /><br />I'm definitely curious about what Rose is doing, where she's going, and what happens if she touches someone. Hooked.feywriterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17224558691840388691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82140349097987844232010-09-23T07:18:39.987-04:002010-09-23T07:18:39.987-04:00I liked the way you set the story up, I'd defi...I liked the way you set the story up, I'd definitely want to read more. But there seemed a little too much telling. I am intrigued, though.Sujahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16899054126546663789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34317784686289892852010-09-23T04:22:49.838-04:002010-09-23T04:22:49.838-04:00I'm interested in why Rose always has to wear ...I'm interested in why Rose always has to wear gloves and can't touch people, but this sounds like Rogue from X-Men. In fact, this whole scene is straight from the first movie when Rogue hitches rides with truckers through Canada and then runs into Wolverine. <br /><br />There are a few weird phrases - "now, every day, she realized that she would never be safe again." and the "roll of bills in her hip pocket" bothers me. I mean, girl's pants are generally pretty tight -- how does she have a roll of bills in her pocket? <br /><br />I might read on, but only because Rogue is one of my favorite characters from X-Men and this seems like a Rogue story.Basthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12561466241112288690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67456127557584834522010-09-23T00:44:59.953-04:002010-09-23T00:44:59.953-04:00What others said about proofreading and Rogue.
I...What others said about proofreading and Rogue. <br /><br />I also found myself waiting for the change, why *this* is the start of your story. What is so special about this moment that it gets to be the very first thing the reader sees?Jodi Meadowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796496740054225283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2118682185784732852010-09-23T00:00:08.050-04:002010-09-23T00:00:08.050-04:00Read through this again and correct for spelling a...Read through this again and correct for spelling and grammar. If there's a typo in the first paragraph that doesn't speak well for the rest of the work.<br /><br />I really like the premise but the prose needs tightening up before I'd be hooked.<br /><br />I'm also immediately reminded of Rogue from the X-Men movie. Wears gloves because her touch is deadly, goes up north to Canada by hitching rides with truckers. As long as the wolf in your story doesn't resemble Wolverine then you're probably safe from copyright infringement. :)Ashley Girardihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13594552975218426095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17884218970955602102010-09-22T23:24:36.770-04:002010-09-22T23:24:36.770-04:00I love your title and the last sentence. I'm r...I love your title and the last sentence. I'm really curious about the gloves and the touching thing--in one of my WIPs I have a character who can't touch anyone.<br /><br />There are some typos: One upon-->Once upon; abut ten-->about ten.Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182951575531989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71446957124904730432010-09-22T22:15:15.509-04:002010-09-22T22:15:15.509-04:00I agree with the other readers' suggestions bu...I agree with the other readers' suggestions but would read on -- this is interesting.Jamie Smith Hopkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16947966931430504394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61113517901802160772010-09-22T21:41:23.993-04:002010-09-22T21:41:23.993-04:00Some of this really snags me. Love the idea of som...Some of this really snags me. Love the idea of someone wearing gloves because she doesn't want to touch things or people, so I want to know why.<br /><br />I thought I caught abut instead of about in the 2nd sentence.<br /><br />I think I would also consider, as other have mentioned, to just the telling and now she'd not be safe again, show us.<br />Also every day doesn't seem to fit, she'd realize one day it wasn't safe.<br /><br />I'd give this a read into some further pages to wonder what this girl's special situation is.angela robbinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07114119913653244467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9320738856248132622010-09-22T20:53:39.640-04:002010-09-22T20:53:39.640-04:00Love the title! And I'd definitely read more....Love the title! And I'd definitely read more. I want to know what it is her hands will do if she touches someone, and I really think you could say what that is in the opening bit. I also think that what's missing is where she hopes to end up. How far north does she intend to go? Does she ever plan on settling down? But it's well-written and I'd trust that I'm going to find all that out soon enough.<br /><br />You might cut'every day' in the second parg. Once she realizes it, well, she knows it. She wouldn't realize it every day.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54440589452189546332010-09-22T20:00:49.138-04:002010-09-22T20:00:49.138-04:00I agree with D. B. Reynolds - I read this and imme...I agree with D. B. Reynolds - I read this and immediately thought of Rogue.<br /><br />I really liked the first sentence. I don't think you need both the sentence about never be safe again and the things were not going to be normal.<br /><br />I was hooked though and would keep reading.Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35292576643877326032010-09-22T18:14:04.299-04:002010-09-22T18:14:04.299-04:00The prose could be tightened a bit, but it definit...The prose could be tightened a bit, but it definitely sets up the reader to want to know what's going on.<br /><br />My one reservation would be the similarity between this and the scene with Wolverine and Rogue in X-men.D. B. Reynoldshttp://dbreynolds.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8217334941649311552010-09-22T15:27:14.467-04:002010-09-22T15:27:14.467-04:00I agree with everything annalisag said and have to...I agree with everything annalisag said and have to add that I love your first sentence!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14121018905141253640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20777481771640188422010-09-22T14:47:57.171-04:002010-09-22T14:47:57.171-04:00The title is great--I would pick it up off the lib...The title is great--I would pick it up off the library shelf-- and I am interested to know what is going on with Rose's hands.<br /><br />I didn't pick up on the fact she was only seventeen until you said it. I think I'd like to hear a little more teenage voice. <br /><br />Also, I'm not a huge fan of vague sentences like "she realized that she would never be safe again" and "Things were not going to be normal." You can tell us more without giving the secret away.<br /><br />It sounds interesting, good luck!annalisagnoreply@blogger.com