tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4547466566968761450..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: 23 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59124322885780083292009-07-17T15:28:25.084-04:002009-07-17T15:28:25.084-04:00I have no idea what this is about, or where it'...I have no idea what this is about, or where it's going.<br /><br />And you know what? I don't care. I'd read it anyway. Hooked.<br /><br />That's the power of good writing.Barbnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70375888668943433502009-07-17T11:43:38.015-04:002009-07-17T11:43:38.015-04:00I wish you had Xed the first line and started with...I wish you had Xed the first line and started with "In my father's house...," but I am drawn in by the writing and would definitely keep reading.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32761870078342325842009-07-16T21:15:14.765-04:002009-07-16T21:15:14.765-04:00Leave off the first line for now. It's probab...Leave off the first line for now. It's probably important, so don't throw it away. <br /><br />This is the first literary fiction entry that I've read in this contest that feels literary. <br /><br />I am SO hooked.<br /><br />Beautiful, simple writing that draws me in. <br /><br />Wonderful job.Being Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17257332079795227626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66315864231855738322009-07-16T14:26:08.026-04:002009-07-16T14:26:08.026-04:00rite about Asia, and I liked this.
I would cut th...rite about Asia, and I liked this.<br /><br />I would cut the first sentence, since the second sentence doesn't seem to relate to it at all. There's no transition.<br /><br />A little clutter in the description of the scroll: considered to be very gifted...spoken by Basho Matsuo in advice...I would cut these out.Amintanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48353134657354819812009-07-16T12:55:30.997-04:002009-07-16T12:55:30.997-04:00I would read on! Your writing is beautiful. Good l...I would read on! Your writing is beautiful. Good luck!S.H.https://www.blogger.com/profile/18285987152225186177noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69467658116720501242009-07-16T12:48:23.857-04:002009-07-16T12:48:23.857-04:00Very well written, but didn't catch my fancy.
...Very well written, but didn't catch my fancy.<br /><br />The secret agent might think different though! Good luck!Sarah Erberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15364100717989701019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45149790426788018122009-07-15T20:18:05.749-04:002009-07-15T20:18:05.749-04:00Didn't quite grab me. I don't think you ne...Didn't quite grab me. I don't think you need the first paragraph. I liked the second graf. <br /><br />But the third has two MONSTER sentences (63 and 71 words), and it's hard work to wade through them ... and this last bit "but although I could see their beauty from an objective point of view I was unmoved by them" sounds like an art essay to me. <br /><br />I'd suggest making it a little easier for the reader, and weaving in a bit more about the character sooner to give us someone to care about.JohnOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04761555703224981053noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43357325039344148912009-07-15T19:40:23.910-04:002009-07-15T19:40:23.910-04:00Lovely voice, and well-written. Not sure I'm h...Lovely voice, and well-written. Not sure I'm hooked, but I'd give it a few pages to hook me.<br /><br />good luck.E.M. Kokiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00453541159643901257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88193774610872205182009-07-15T19:24:29.193-04:002009-07-15T19:24:29.193-04:00Beautifully written. I'm waiting for more conf...Beautifully written. I'm waiting for more conflict and information about the character, but what I did read was good enough to keep me going.Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05192888587472646161noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45483698355470306162009-07-15T17:27:35.140-04:002009-07-15T17:27:35.140-04:00I would also read on. In fact, I was only going t...I would also read on. In fact, I was only going to post on the MG stuff, but the first line caught my eye and I kept reading. <br /><br />Proof that sometimes, you don't need anything to "happen" in those first lines...MsJudynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18521720348641088642009-07-15T15:00:17.653-04:002009-07-15T15:00:17.653-04:00Lovely writing, I would continue in the hopes of f...Lovely writing, I would continue in the hopes of finding a fascinating and delicately woven tale.Amy Sue Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13854920309673361956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1774050747660981942009-07-15T14:08:27.235-04:002009-07-15T14:08:27.235-04:00I loved this. The first line is so simple, yet it...I loved this. The first line is so simple, yet it draws you in. I think many of us think about somethings in that way... is it real? <br /><br />Good luck.Gayle Hedringtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01771876679139737652noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19608215809788127292009-07-15T13:52:03.992-04:002009-07-15T13:52:03.992-04:00I would read on. Lovely!I would read on. Lovely!Lucy Woodhullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10772331811727392601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23774005315798803882009-07-15T13:51:00.058-04:002009-07-15T13:51:00.058-04:00The detail in writing is lovely, but this doesn...The detail in writing is lovely, but this doesn't quite grab me. I do love the first sentence, though.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16047192012474777648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14993086971012112612009-07-15T13:48:25.384-04:002009-07-15T13:48:25.384-04:00Nice writing. I would read on. :]Nice writing. I would read on. :]Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13445730348565143932009-07-15T11:56:38.547-04:002009-07-15T11:56:38.547-04:00I love being drawn into a world different from my ...I love being drawn into a world different from my own and you do it well. I'd read further. The description of the scrolls is a good indication of the luscious writing that will follow. Good job!Courtney Abruzzohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09863947983523888169noreply@blogger.com