tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4727076990917931033..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Five Sentences #22Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3375528993530326812015-02-28T10:23:40.604-05:002015-02-28T10:23:40.604-05:00Great voice, great setting, great job at grounding...Great voice, great setting, great job at grounding us. It definitely has a fantasy flavor to it. I'd like a little more detail about the men who came in, which could help set the scene a little more, but overall well done.finnthefearlessnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66460991305108698722015-02-26T01:28:16.435-05:002015-02-26T01:28:16.435-05:00Yes, this felt like fantasy. It could be a scene f...Yes, this felt like fantasy. It could be a scene from The Riyria Chronicles. Nice job on all of it, especially the ending hook.SanWriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07882213832893854098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35134653161765958332015-02-25T22:28:07.620-05:002015-02-25T22:28:07.620-05:00I like the world-building in this one. the details...I like the world-building in this one. the details make it feel fantasy. The hook in the last sentence is really works. The phrase "alcohol-enhanced," tripped me up a little, but otherwise, I think it's a solid opening. I'm interested to find out why the narrator is being watched and what she'll do about it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61430094959723078672015-02-25T16:04:02.375-05:002015-02-25T16:04:02.375-05:00A good opening that keeps our attention and feels ...A good opening that keeps our attention and feels like fantasy. That last sentence is a good hook.Mark Muratahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03562597698193306363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-520749192445815062015-02-25T15:44:32.512-05:002015-02-25T15:44:32.512-05:00I agree that this is a very good start - it has se...I agree that this is a very good start - it has setting, character, voice, and tension. I'd definitely read more, that last sentence is great to hook the reader right in! Well done, and good luck!Diana Sousahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06865131085459340068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59057994585214634142015-02-25T13:14:26.414-05:002015-02-25T13:14:26.414-05:00I found this opening to be very effective. I feel ...I found this opening to be very effective. I feel as though I am there, because details catered to my senses. I have a strong sense of setting and even the beginnings of our MC. I'm hooked and the work is true to the genre. Great word choices, too.StorybySashahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07264391447131553463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44431323081939865122015-02-25T12:04:23.777-05:002015-02-25T12:04:23.777-05:00It felt fantasy, like a typical crossroads tavern ...It felt fantasy, like a typical crossroads tavern or something. I was a little jarred by alcohol in a teahouse, so I'm wondering if this is an atypical fantasy setting I'm just not getting the feel for yet (this comment might stem from me not reading enough medieval/European style adult fantasy to know whether teahouses are a common setting). And to that, it does feel like the start of an adult fantasy to me, but for all I know, that might get cleared up in the next couple of lines.<br /><br />The setting is good, though, I felt pretty well grounded. My only other comment is that I'm not sure (but it's hard to tell which such a short excerpt) that you need the line about showing deference. She doesn't seem to actually be giving deference, she's just avoiding the man in the corner's gaze, but talking about deference to customers makes me focus on the three new customers as if they're the reason for her fear.hlbrixeynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79441045109310939482015-02-25T11:18:54.188-05:002015-02-25T11:18:54.188-05:00I really like this opening. I definitely feel grou...I really like this opening. I definitely feel grounded in the setting and the writing seems to fit your genre. You've immediately given me a sense of place, character and tension (from the man in the corner). Nice job. My only quibble is that I don't think you need the "even" in the fourth sentence.Kerrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09356842492553129825noreply@blogger.com