tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4967054429362420773..comments2024-03-19T03:20:39.801-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #19Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75581201484205942652015-03-14T16:09:00.369-04:002015-03-14T16:09:00.369-04:00I thought I just posted a comment, but the interne...I thought I just posted a comment, but the internet seems to have eaten it. So let me reconstruct (and sorry if this is a duplicate!):<br /><br />The story seems a bit too in media res for me. I'm having trouble connecting with your characters. For example, you've told us that Morgan is nicknamed "Abomination;" however, you haven't told us who she is. Is the flying literal? Is she in a hovercraft? I would suggest that you introduce that she's a giant, flying crow first before telling us about her nickname.<br /><br />I do like your voice, though. It pulled me in right away and made me want to stick with the story.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05874528798069613694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36011287438821325262015-03-12T23:58:21.486-04:002015-03-12T23:58:21.486-04:00Your voice has a nice chatty way about it, which m...Your voice has a nice chatty way about it, which makes it feel natural. That can be a double-edged sword because it is very readable, but sometimes your sentence structure is very loose, which can sometimes lead to shaky grammar or your character's thoughts jumping around a lot. I'd recommend just generally being aware of that as you write and making sure to constantly be going back and tightening things up. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15698621201514000072015-03-11T17:25:07.609-04:002015-03-11T17:25:07.609-04:00thank you! I will definitely move Morgan's des...thank you! I will definitely move Morgan's description higher-up, so to say. My beta readers are all under 30 (one even under 25) and they all got the Ben Grimm reference. I wuld my boks are sort of post-young adults, so my readers should be fine! :) louisakleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16541235959602674561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13438225162131638992015-03-11T16:48:37.484-04:002015-03-11T16:48:37.484-04:00I can tell right off the bat that this is a really...I can tell right off the bat that this is a really funny read. Your voice is great and the story seems really exciting and imaginative. A couple of things jumped out at me. First, I haven't seen Fantastic Four, so the Ben Grimm reference was totally lost on me. I may be in the minority (and am probably not your target audience), but it seems like a wasted chance to use a more universal description. Also, I would have liked a description of Morgan right when she's first introduced so I can picture her as she's speaking. That aside, I enjoyed this a lot! Loved the dilemma that his sidekick couldn't even set foot in the church to help. Really great stuff.Nicolenoreply@blogger.com