tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4994451837576112276..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Secret Agent #20Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77076692842623724022020-04-18T12:02:16.477-04:002020-04-18T12:02:16.477-04:00This is a very unique setting, but I found myself ...This is a very unique setting, but I found myself uncertain as to what a duster was. While you don’t necessarily need to spell it out, there needs to be more context clues for me to gather what these things are so I can understand why their arrival may not be a good thing. Also it mentions Madinah Zarkah and his hometown. Are these one and the same? I also struggled to visualize where exactly Anise is in the scene—and the location of the school and the market in relation to each other. There are a lot of micro details that could be simplified further to give way for some more macro level details that would help me visualize the scene better. But overall, a very promising start. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86416148558383353092020-04-17T12:52:42.402-04:002020-04-17T12:52:42.402-04:00Maybe I'm the only one, but I have no idea wha...Maybe I'm the only one, but I have no idea what a duster is. I figured it's some sort of spinning dust thing, but then I didn't know why that would be a problem, especially if they are only lightly sweeping the sand into powder puffs. But then I thought maybe they are some sort of bad guy, as they could hide behind the stands. I really like the setting, but need better understanding of what's actually going on. I would also be curious to know what age range for middle-grade. Probably the description of the market could be simplified to keep the pace moving along. Thanks for sharing.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17135750847361579439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20963062626249862452020-04-16T15:15:40.690-04:002020-04-16T15:15:40.690-04:00I feel like there are too many sensations whipping...I feel like there are too many sensations whipping at him. His rod is sizzling, then there are at least 2 voices, then there's a hammer ting, then smells of spices, then sizzling again (this time meat), then his belly is hot and knotted, then we have clattering and finally sweeping sand. And this is all in the last 100 words. Instead of really feeling like we are there with him, I'm dizzy and confused. I would suggest you pick one thing for him to focus on and really describe it well.<br /><br />Good luck!<br />Holly Holly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22987942291353227392020-04-15T13:27:56.887-04:002020-04-15T13:27:56.887-04:00I really like the setting, and I want to know more...I really like the setting, and I want to know more about these dusters! <br /><br />I do find myself a little lost amid some of the descriptions. For example, I would change the verb about the doors of hell from "welcoming" to "releasing." And the sentence about the wooden stick being absorbed by the peddlers' cries made me think that the stick itself had dissolved, but I assume you meant the sound of the stick being drowned out? There are several similar instances that might benefit from different wording. <br /><br />Also, I want to be able to visualize where everything is in relation to Anise. Why has he noticed the dusters but not the others? What is his vantage point? I'm trying to create the scene in my mind and it's not quite crystalizing. <br /><br />I'd love to read more. Good luck!Matrilhttp://cynthiaailshie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com