tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5048960786646852440..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talkin' Heads #20Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58192787420210304832016-01-22T03:18:02.588-05:002016-01-22T03:18:02.588-05:00I agree, I couldn't tell who was speaking with...I agree, I couldn't tell who was speaking without dialog tags. I know we hear all the time, cut the dialog tags, but not to the point that you sacrifice clarity. ;) The scene is cute, but the dialog overall doesn't sound middle grade for a number of reasons (mature word choices, the idea that kids this young would speak so candidly to each other about stuff like this). So the dialog is just not working as MG, IMO. Let the reader "read between the lines" a little more, rather than have your characters reveal everything on their minds. Let the unspoken dialog come through. All the internal thoughts from your MC are great though, and sound age appropriate. Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10104284486777065112016-01-14T15:28:59.037-05:002016-01-14T15:28:59.037-05:00I agree a magical horseshoe can be quite intriguin...I agree a magical horseshoe can be quite intriguing, but I really don't see many 8th graders speaking in this fashion. I was very confused a lot of the time as to who was speaking without the tags. Perhaps the entire scene is set up well enough that you don't need them, but for this excerpt it would have helped me.<br /><br />One thing I know about most 8th graders is that they want to always appear cool, so admitting to being intrigued, or even highly interested, doesn't happen too often, unless they are quite close friends and can be totally honest with one another. Or, perhaps she is purposely teasing him because she picks up on the fact that he is attracted, and simply trying to make him more uncomfortable and show off her maturity. <br /><br />Overall, though, interesting. Sissybabynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87949502983203118302016-01-14T15:03:13.401-05:002016-01-14T15:03:13.401-05:00I thought this was really interesting, but I'm...I thought this was really interesting, but I'm not sure how realistic some parts were if this is middle grade -- I can't imagine eighth graders saying something like "I was intrigued" in conversation, for example. Gracenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73032643962435748102016-01-14T12:07:37.730-05:002016-01-14T12:07:37.730-05:00I think the one thing this scene needs is more dia...I think the one thing this scene needs is more dialogue tags. With the exception of the first few lines after the introduction, I had trouble following who was saying what. There needs to be more clarity of who the speaker is. Susannoreply@blogger.com