tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5052662797459243208..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #40Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42817274050498383602014-01-19T13:32:01.858-05:002014-01-19T13:32:01.858-05:00I loved these first two sentences-what a fun openi...I loved these first two sentences-what a fun opening! The whole scene is well written and engaging, and it gave me a sense of our main character right away. I'd read on. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45048566834785491272014-01-19T06:57:31.347-05:002014-01-19T06:57:31.347-05:00It was a fun opening and well written, and does sh...It was a fun opening and well written, and does show us the MC's charater, but it's the end of an event we didn't see, (so how important was it?) and I'm thinking that dressing up for the Rocky Horror Picture SHow probably isn't all that relevant to the overall plot.<br /><br />I'd read a bit more but I'd need something more before too long.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64480093747521123882014-01-16T09:15:31.378-05:002014-01-16T09:15:31.378-05:00I really enjoyed this. I was looking for the thril...I really enjoyed this. I was looking for the thriller hint but it may come right after this. Great job overall. Best of luck!Christine Danekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00979611961825725350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56334679339161302872014-01-16T05:40:03.554-05:002014-01-16T05:40:03.554-05:00Love the banana, and her friend's reaction to ...Love the banana, and her friend's reaction to it! Overall, this flowed well and was entertaining. I would read on.KayChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16267506508468548195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39892647566788426012014-01-15T15:50:59.993-05:002014-01-15T15:50:59.993-05:00Love the opening of this. The pace is fast, engagi...Love the opening of this. The pace is fast, engaging and fun. <br /><br />I'd suggest trimming down the costume talk towards the end of the excerpt, and move to dialogue, as others have suggested, or progress the plot. <br /><br />Other than that point, I thought this was great!Michelle Barrynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84246937394865810682014-01-15T15:34:24.888-05:002014-01-15T15:34:24.888-05:00I agree with Linda. There's humor, but not clu...I agree with Linda. There's humor, but not clue about the thriller part. Also, can you put on jeans while sitting behind the steering wheel? I can't.<br /><br />I also agree with Rebecca that this needs dialogue and more action to move the story forward.<br /><br />Good luck with a fresh idea.fictionwriternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55045007121058703592014-01-15T13:58:33.671-05:002014-01-15T13:58:33.671-05:00I love this, too. So unique. And it kept me guessi...I love this, too. So unique. And it kept me guessing until you reveal what the costume's for, which is hilarious.<br />The only thing I wanted to see is a hint of the "thriller" aspect of the story. But, of course, this is only the first 250 words :-)<br />Good luck with this! Linda Cnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37127364149759188862014-01-15T13:05:19.395-05:002014-01-15T13:05:19.395-05:00I freaking love this. I was skimming through entri...I freaking love this. I was skimming through entries to see if any writer-friends made it in, and yours grabbed me so hard I simply HAD to read the whole thing. I'm a pretty thorough critiquer, but I don't have any suggestions for once. This is pure gold.Kimberly Vanderhorsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01653757517652257445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86715289701516858482014-01-15T11:47:10.477-05:002014-01-15T11:47:10.477-05:00This is a fresh, engaging opening that brought me ...This is a fresh, engaging opening that brought me right back to my own teens. (Not that I ever dressed as Frank Furter, but I did the Time Warp at a lot of midnight shows!) I hope your target audience will appreciate it too.<br /><br />The writing is top-notch. My only slight criticism is that the last paragraph might stretch the costume description a little too far. I'd prefer to see more dialogue there, or something else to move the action forward.<br /><br />Rebecca M.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23481058039395882752014-01-15T10:37:32.339-05:002014-01-15T10:37:32.339-05:00Love this opening!Feel like I'm right there wi...Love this opening!Feel like I'm right there with the MC except that I'm filled with curiosity about why she's dressed as she is and what in the world they're doing! (Hooked, in other words.)<br />Once that info is revealed I feel like maybe something else needs to be introduced that will keep me hooked (or maybe you could keep the reader wondering a little longer?) But I would definitely continue reading because you've done a great job introducing your MC with a fun scene IMO, and I would be optimistic that a lot more good stuff is coming up soon!sgfnoreply@blogger.com