tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5296040663649477742..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? Adult Genre Fiction #14Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79000504664449911792016-05-17T18:02:40.501-04:002016-05-17T18:02:40.501-04:00The logline is fantastic!
I'm seconding what...The logline is fantastic! <br /><br />I'm seconding what the others' have indicated thus far--I think you could start at "Be outside in fifteen--Heath." That way, the story begins with what's happening *now* and isn't as focused on what happened before. Then, you could weave in the backstory about her brother's death as she (undoubtedly) argues with Heath.<br /><br />I'm also missing a sense of stakes in the first 250--what happens if she goes to Acadia? or doesn't?--but if you start it at the text, you have space to address that.M.C. Vaughanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15502847603506407942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19866751299626559252016-05-16T23:58:28.215-04:002016-05-16T23:58:28.215-04:00I agree that it picked up after the text. I think...I agree that it picked up after the text. I think the line I liked best was the simple declaration of the last line. I felt like the first few paragraphs could be tightened up a bit. It may just be me, but I like the idea of starting with the simple declaration of the last line and then getting into the why. Or maybe combine that with the current first line: "One this was certain: Jocelyn didn't need to go to Acadia."GRCubsfanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05765284554972189746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77541048228459782262016-05-16T16:40:22.010-04:002016-05-16T16:40:22.010-04:00When I read this opening, it does not sound like a...When I read this opening, it does not sound like an adult, more like ya or na. Maybe I'm just reading it differently, but her attitude makes me think she's not yet an adult. It also makes me think that Steve's not dead yet. I don't know why. Like her I'm hopeful he'll be alive. So yes I'm hooked, but I'm not comfortable with the heroine yet.Pamela Q Fernandeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04280244804316274619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59520553513198290342016-05-16T13:58:39.467-04:002016-05-16T13:58:39.467-04:00I'm also quite interested in seeing Heath and ...I'm also quite interested in seeing Heath and Jocelyn's potential meeting. She seems like a headstrong and quirky character I'd enjoy getting to know. Admittedly so, I was a tad taken aback at her flippant attitude toward Steve's urn/jar. Lol, it just caught me off guard the way she talked about her brother. It makes me wonder what sort of relationship they had. And I'm interested in knowing how Heath broke her heart. So, I'd keep reading.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03842761852069023467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60311490826349266802016-05-16T13:01:47.281-04:002016-05-16T13:01:47.281-04:00I started engaging with this piece at "Be out...I started engaging with this piece at "Be outside in fifteen." I like what that line, and Jocelyn's reaction to it, say about the h/H and their relationship. Best, it's a hint that gives me something to wonder about, which means I'm going to turn the page because I want to see the fireworks when these two people meet. <br /><br />I'd go so far as to say that you could get rid of everything that came before that line, and let the reader discover the purpose of their road trip in the next pages. <br /><br />By the way, I like the concept of Jocelyn's odd humor, and that could work as a way to characterize her, but the execution didn't do it for me here. I don't know if it's because it came first, or if it's just not my cup of tea. <br /><br />Either way, by the time I got to her and Heath and their potential clash, I was in, so that's a "hooked" for me :) Good luck!mercinoreply@blogger.com