tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post531390295630135604..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Public Slushpile #21Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60421490162720032522012-03-26T11:25:00.057-04:002012-03-26T11:25:00.057-04:00No, because I can't buy into the idea that the...No, because I can't buy into the idea that the parents are so clueless.nonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00415222406280230021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80116141525164082672012-03-22T13:43:35.979-04:002012-03-22T13:43:35.979-04:00No. The query lacks focus, and not telling the par...No. The query lacks focus, and not telling the parents about a criminal record AND a meth habit AND a girlfriend/baby strikes me as unlikely.callmebeckshttp://beccaweston.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6791105443144145712012-03-22T12:00:13.594-04:002012-03-22T12:00:13.594-04:00Yes - sounds like an interesting story, and the se...Yes - sounds like an interesting story, and the setting seems interesting.Lindsay Kitsonhttp://lindsaykitson.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41387769469888504022012-03-22T11:55:59.013-04:002012-03-22T11:55:59.013-04:00Yes. Oh heck yes. How did you cram so much tension...Yes. Oh heck yes. How did you cram so much tension into such a short query?Margo Berendsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03476308235642890474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68759721551262598962012-03-22T10:39:01.451-04:002012-03-22T10:39:01.451-04:00No. I like the unique setting and backstory, but ...No. I like the unique setting and backstory, but too much of the plot doesn't make sense (surely parents would figure out SOMETHING or she'd tell them).Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11607291218714097810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57457427825273080072012-03-22T10:30:54.951-04:002012-03-22T10:30:54.951-04:00No. I loved the Indian Res setting, but the tone s...No. I loved the Indian Res setting, but the tone seemed all over the place: opening light and ending dark.Deb Smythehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10990130480508998598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18455361437501032212012-03-22T06:57:59.078-04:002012-03-22T06:57:59.078-04:00No - first paragraph almost had me but it degenera...No - first paragraph almost had me but it degenerates into confusion - the story is not what I was expecting from a YA and the main plot seems easily sorted out.CMnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73029666474436884542012-03-22T01:46:36.987-04:002012-03-22T01:46:36.987-04:00Yes, I'm hooked by the premise. As others have...Yes, I'm hooked by the premise. As others have said, though, the query needs work.Beth Hnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85572083601139401062012-03-21T23:42:24.471-04:002012-03-21T23:42:24.471-04:00Yes, only because I like reading about indigenous ...Yes, only because I like reading about indigenous cultures and the modern world. Otherwise, I see no reason for Laurel to not let Cal's history slip out - either by telling her parents directly or letting a third party spill the beans.Jo-Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15705983780352542190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48599179889092513142012-03-21T22:20:42.262-04:002012-03-21T22:20:42.262-04:00No. This doesn't sound like YA, and there isn&...No. This doesn't sound like YA, and there isn't anything fresh in the telling.Tracy Holczerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626923883424982455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64208634567656631622012-03-21T21:35:36.169-04:002012-03-21T21:35:36.169-04:00Yes. I am, however, unclear on what kind of conte...Yes. I am, however, unclear on what kind of contemporary YA this is - coming of age, or thriller? The first and second paragraphs are at odds with the third.<br /><br />Logically, I wonder why Laurel can't make her parents aware of Cornudas's criminal record, meth habit, girlfriend, and baby.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16047192012474777648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90933858891349764222012-03-21T19:10:30.579-04:002012-03-21T19:10:30.579-04:00Yes. I love the setting & the conflict between...Yes. I love the setting & the conflict between the white world and the Native American world. I'm also interested in the friend who's in love with Laurel. The end of the query almost lost me, though, because it seemed to change what the story was about. I would read some pages, though.Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16570627401151164420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30894670373165460132012-03-21T19:06:09.888-04:002012-03-21T19:06:09.888-04:00NO
Reluctantly. Great ideas and setting, but gram...NO<br /><br />Reluctantly. Great ideas and setting, but grammar and logic problems make me think the ms still needs work.Laura Hughes, MittensMorgulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00934132671168843593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35993224765591128032012-03-21T18:57:47.657-04:002012-03-21T18:57:47.657-04:00Yes. The Zuni rez setting and the characters make ...Yes. The Zuni rez setting and the characters make me want to read more. The query probably needs more work.<br /><br />Eileen O.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41912224149161778652012-03-21T18:17:21.540-04:002012-03-21T18:17:21.540-04:00No, unfortunately. Despite the problems, the quer...No, unfortunately. Despite the problems, the query had me until the last paragraph, where it descended into melodrama. Before that, I was intrigued enough to at least read a few pages to see if the author could really capture the setting and culture convincingly enough.P J O'Learyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01121749745553250222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77910514161455520152012-03-21T18:04:57.237-04:002012-03-21T18:04:57.237-04:00NO. While I like the setting, too much plot soup.NO. While I like the setting, too much plot soup.S L Jenanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07380200649705113056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24261105340429265322012-03-21T18:00:59.635-04:002012-03-21T18:00:59.635-04:00No. It felt like the interesting parts are in the ...No. It felt like the interesting parts are in the first and third paragraph, while the second dragged the momentum.Mia K Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10559392161390047500noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86217217264884107722012-03-21T17:48:48.764-04:002012-03-21T17:48:48.764-04:00No. The premise is not believable. Meth habits are...No. The premise is not believable. Meth habits are pretty obvious...aren't they?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00052141159886452951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6236197254456100272012-03-21T17:28:16.222-04:002012-03-21T17:28:16.222-04:00No. Like so many have said, I don’t see why she (o...No. Like so many have said, I don’t see why she (or even her friend) wouldn’t have just told her parents about his background. Without that, there doesn’t seem to be much of a story here.Aldrea Alienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05652344290376563676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34600362037959536002012-03-21T17:01:20.883-04:002012-03-21T17:01:20.883-04:00NO. I agree with Miss Moppet and a lot of the oth...NO. I agree with Miss Moppet and a lot of the others. I was confused as to what time this is supposed to take place. In modern society Native Americans don't marry their kids off like this...also, the voice is not confident and a little all over the place.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17920689654858383522012-03-21T16:58:44.973-04:002012-03-21T16:58:44.973-04:00Yes- Slow to start and not particularly strong, bu...Yes- Slow to start and not particularly strong, but the premise would have me ask for more.SMKraftynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76901244620760141652012-03-21T16:04:51.675-04:002012-03-21T16:04:51.675-04:00Yes, but on premise. Query needs help, but I'd...Yes, but on premise. Query needs help, but I'd be interested in this story.Renahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02767762370997304308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88921743327356660992012-03-21T15:55:25.836-04:002012-03-21T15:55:25.836-04:00No. I don't think I would enjoy reading about ...No. I don't think I would enjoy reading about someone's constant role as a victim, even if she eventually fights back. Why wouldn't she act sooner if she knows so many bad things about this guy?Cherylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02106422736653397018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16086284785470565052012-03-21T14:55:13.870-04:002012-03-21T14:55:13.870-04:00No.
I love, love, love that the MC is Zuni, but I...No.<br /><br />I love, love, love that the MC is Zuni, but I question the premise based on everyone missing information crucial to their decision making and why Cal is even mentioned if he doesn't figure at all into the conflict/stakes part of the story.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69341440982888918002012-03-21T14:43:05.838-04:002012-03-21T14:43:05.838-04:00YES. I'm interested in the premise to say yes,...YES. I'm interested in the premise to say yes, but hope the query evolves to more succinctly, less melodramatically lay out the stakes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com