tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5483963697641339052..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talkin' Heads #21Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14539259764501061502016-10-17T00:47:44.084-04:002016-10-17T00:47:44.084-04:00Hello, I'm here to introduce someone to you al...Hello, I'm here to introduce someone to you all, his name is Dr.Ekpen Temple a spell caster that help me restored my broken relationship, I saw an article on the Internet someone talking about him how he help her in her relationship, today I'm a beneficial of that article, so that is why I'm also talking about how he has helped me so that someone out there that is facing the same challenge can also contact him for help. Here is DR EKPEN TEMPLE contact info: (ekpentemple@gmail.com) or on Whatsapp number 2347050270218.Gloryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11125928389426370946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49043407076714897712016-09-23T17:45:13.582-04:002016-09-23T17:45:13.582-04:00I had problems figuring out what was going on. It ...I had problems figuring out what was going on. It wasn't until I read Sylvia's comment that I realized the actions and dialog were from different people.<br /><br />I also didn't know who the 'I' was. The lead in made me think Era was going to the MC, so it was really confused at first. But I'm guessing it's Nyx, the mom. But that we'd probably know in context with everything else, so no bigger.<br />H. R. Sinclairhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06715450637785127208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55133748013003999602016-09-23T15:26:53.166-04:002016-09-23T15:26:53.166-04:00It took me a few beats to realize the mom was the ...It took me a few beats to realize the mom was the POV character. Probably not an issue if I'd read before this. I would give the daughter more visual actions or clearer tone of voice as she reactions to her father's lecturing and removing his shirt. Sounds like an intriguing world!Kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09265807445132566181noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70806401304214965692016-09-22T14:14:19.818-04:002016-09-22T14:14:19.818-04:00I had extreme difficulty telling who was saying wh...I had extreme difficulty telling who was saying what. I think it would go better if it was <br /><br />At this Savin set down his bread and stared at her. “Tell me the core, Era.” <br /><br />and <br /><br />She laughed bitterly. “I’m no child, Dad. I passed my lessons long ago.”<br /><br />Or maybe I still don't get it. You definitely show this is fantasy, and it does propel the story forward. The father (?) sounds formal at first, but I assume he is reciting something. Mark Muratahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03562597698193306363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6829037134901141722016-09-22T13:03:09.030-04:002016-09-22T13:03:09.030-04:00Overall, this dialogue is clear, and it sets a goo...Overall, this dialogue is clear, and it sets a good "fantasy tone".<br /><br />Be careful about placing beats where they don't belong. A beat should reflect the action of the person who just spoke, not another person.<br /><br />To wit:<br /><br />“Because he seeks the truth? You deny it to him and beat him instead. I’ve no idea how it serves the core.” At this Savin set down his bread and stared at her.<br /><br />“Tell me the core, Era.” She laughed bitterly.<br /><br />Savin's actions belong with HIS dialogue, and Era's actions belong with HERS.<br /><br />Sylvia Plathnoreply@blogger.com