tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5700016558671358748..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: July Secret Agent #22Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88486905912427219532014-07-26T15:03:02.458-04:002014-07-26T15:03:02.458-04:00I really liked the opening paragraph and the idea ...I really liked the opening paragraph and the idea that the trees are huddling together, watching him, drawing him closer with leafy fingers. In the paragraphs that follow, I had some questions: I’m not sure how old Cody is, but it felt a little jarring to go from the threat of drug addicts (something an older kid might be aware of), to the possibility of Bigfoot (something a younger one might believe). I also wonder if there’s a way that Cody might be a little more active in the opening; being drawn into the woods is somewhat passive -- perhaps he’s been planning to explore the woods for some time, since his friends left?Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8010303022031261222014-07-25T13:10:57.335-04:002014-07-25T13:10:57.335-04:00I enjoyed the comparisons, even in the very beginn...I enjoyed the comparisons, even in the very beginning with the way the trees/forest were described. And then the “so cool” gives the character such great personality. I liked how the character’s thoughts also fleshed out his life (not being able to go to summer camp, over protective mom, etc). Well done!K. Stokernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16353485273081102002014-07-24T14:40:58.605-04:002014-07-24T14:40:58.605-04:00The voice seems pitch-perfect for mg, and as someo...The voice seems pitch-perfect for mg, and as someone who tried and failed at it, bravo! My only comment is more based on agents usually commenting about openings that are 'overdone,' and 'creature in the woods' is one of them. Hopefully what follows isn't your protagonist running from some beast, because if it is, you may lose interest as a result.P.S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10807847574509223506noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54403001321487585082014-07-24T11:43:16.198-04:002014-07-24T11:43:16.198-04:00Love the voice, swimming in the bath, jerks, etc. ...Love the voice, swimming in the bath, jerks, etc. it sounds authentic for MG which is awesome that you captured it. I'm intrigued by what may be in the woods.<br />I think you did a great job weaving in back story, showing us how the mom worries, the friendly competition with his buddies, etc.<br />My main critique of the opening was that the woods are in the distance, but he's close enough to see leaves flicker? How big are these leaves? How close is he really?<br />And I think him noticing he's the only one in the dog park could bring another way to bring in tension.<br />If he's excited about something like Bigfoot, it's going to be a fun adventure following this kid around. Good luck!Candice Connerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16316796457798134483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51239213230332260562014-07-23T19:14:51.880-04:002014-07-23T19:14:51.880-04:00This sounds like a lot of fun. The voice is great ...This sounds like a lot of fun. The voice is great and it's relatable. I really like how he described the trees as looking like alien fingers. Foreshadowing perhaps? :) The woods sound so interesting! krystal janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02115542477066959046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60922052245353664442014-07-23T19:11:16.214-04:002014-07-23T19:11:16.214-04:00I don't usually read MG, but I really liked th...I don't usually read MG, but I really liked the voice in this one! I also assumed it was a boy based on the voice.<br /><br />The only thing I could really comment on is the last paragraph. Maybe it is just personal preference but I'd like a better transition here and maybe something a little more unique than the usual "hairs on my neck stood up". Maybe allude to the dog chasing the tennis ball and then realize there is no one else in the dog park but him...and then transition in the weird feeling that creeps over him. That's my only observation/suggestion.<br /><br />Otherwise great job!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16949430987033019927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10215118796504534342014-07-23T15:24:26.144-04:002014-07-23T15:24:26.144-04:00What a fun entry! Really love the setting, the voi...What a fun entry! Really love the setting, the voice, the writing.<br /><br />I don't have much to say, either, but you are missing an "in" after "hang out" in the 3rd paragraph.<br /><br />This is great, and I would love to read more!!Judy Clemenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04905294558438773987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87526918660714626772014-07-23T10:15:47.229-04:002014-07-23T10:15:47.229-04:00This isn't a cheerleading comment, but I can&#...This isn't a cheerleading comment, but I can't find anything negative to say. There's so much accomplished in just 250 words! The voice, the opening jealousy of his friends (or her friends? but I feel like it's a boy), the funny-yet-ominous set-up with the trees as aliens, and the conflict with his mother's warning not to go in. I'd definitely keep reading.Ms. Bnoreply@blogger.com