tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5701692513433268655..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #32Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90446248510305461812012-03-10T20:33:41.051-05:002012-03-10T20:33:41.051-05:00I like the voice, despite a few clunky sentences. ...I like the voice, despite a few clunky sentences. I agree with Cat that this probably falls in urban fantasy. It may sound nitpicky but it's noteworthy if you're going to query. Best of luck to you!Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58095605376055670912012-03-09T15:45:33.950-05:002012-03-09T15:45:33.950-05:00Form rejection. I really like the twist at the end...Form rejection. I really like the twist at the end, but it was hard for me to get there. There was too much back-and-forth in time and it all felt like some transitions were missing.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54829976564628073472012-03-08T21:20:12.289-05:002012-03-08T21:20:12.289-05:00I'm hooked. The writing is sharp for the most ...I'm hooked. The writing is sharp for the most part, and it's very intriguing.Lanettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09987748870291077638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13735441506117889592012-03-08T16:17:53.021-05:002012-03-08T16:17:53.021-05:00There is no such thing as contemporary fantasy. Ma...There is no such thing as contemporary fantasy. Maybe Urban Fantasy... think about it.<br /><br />Other than that, I loved this. It's absolutely perfect. Nice details, perfect introduction of a little backstory, not too much, and BANG the problem. I'm hooked.Katharina Gerlachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00223722392075669331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-92114210006360860162012-03-08T12:52:00.409-05:002012-03-08T12:52:00.409-05:00The mini-flashback throws me off as a starter para...The mini-flashback throws me off as a starter paragraph, but you continue along on a strong note. Your strong voice sure comes through, along with your sense of humour.<br /><br />I would continue to read this.J D Wayenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21498933306708276702012-03-08T10:55:48.928-05:002012-03-08T10:55:48.928-05:00The sentence structure does seem a bit dis-jointed...The sentence structure does seem a bit dis-jointed and hard to read at times.<br /><br />But even so, I'm intrigued and would continue to read at least a few more pages :)Darciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07042146162065193774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82738386311403134792012-03-07T20:32:52.035-05:002012-03-07T20:32:52.035-05:00Unusual beginning, interesting with a strong voice...Unusual beginning, interesting with a strong voice right away.<br /><br />The sentence beginning with "The hooded figure" could be split to make it easier to read without slowing down the pacing.<br /><br />Overall, I'd definitely read more.pj schnyderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06770556738469006567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34340108325785494582012-03-07T15:56:48.521-05:002012-03-07T15:56:48.521-05:00I get a great sense of voice from this excerpt and...I get a great sense of voice from this excerpt and I'm intrigued by the maybe-not-so-dead father. If I pulled this off a shelf, I'd keep reading to see where that thread was going.Danielle La Pagliahttp://www.daniellelapaglia.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88705301589421639432012-03-07T14:57:59.690-05:002012-03-07T14:57:59.690-05:00I’d change ‘pulling’ into ‘and pulled’ in the seco...I’d change ‘pulling’ into ‘and pulled’ in the second sentence and break the fourth sentence in two.<br /><br />That last piece of advice will increase the dramatic moment. Re-write the last sentence in the first paragraph since IMHO it seems a bit clunky.<br /><br />I love the questions this submission creates but darn it, sentence structure is a problem throughout. <br />Some excellent phrases stand out from the rest. Example: ‘wasting a drink like that was (is?) sacrilege’.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91807502404404091462012-03-07T14:54:23.487-05:002012-03-07T14:54:23.487-05:00I found the piece a bit dis-jointed, minus the par...I found the piece a bit dis-jointed, minus the paragraph that begins with 'The hooded figure...' <br />That's what actually gripped me and drew me in. Great hook. :) <br /><br />Best of luck to you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69929911885886020112012-03-07T14:32:12.423-05:002012-03-07T14:32:12.423-05:00Ooooh, I like this. You've got me hooked. Alth...Ooooh, I like this. You've got me hooked. Although, I'm a little confused as to whether our protagonist is male or female. Alex could be either, though with the description of sobbing, I sort of want to lean female.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10072706769675479529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-741520310759313682012-03-07T11:54:14.621-05:002012-03-07T11:54:14.621-05:00I'd keep reading. I liked the opening paragrap...I'd keep reading. I liked the opening paragraph a lot, it says so much in just a few sentences. I'm not sure I'm totally hooked, mostly because it's implied it's his father and I'm not sure it's compelling enough for me personally to keep reading. I'd give it a few more pages to see where it's going.AKFnoreply@blogger.com