tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5748582370859110963..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: #100 SECRET AGENT Are You Hooked?Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46399858595429211172008-07-20T20:24:00.000-04:002008-07-20T20:24:00.000-04:00Love the voice although not alot happens yet, I'm ...Love the voice although not alot happens yet, I'm hooked on the character. I'd definitely read moreAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8840673937677997702008-07-20T13:18:00.000-04:002008-07-20T13:18:00.000-04:00I'd be hoping this was high concept, because good ...I'd be hoping this was high concept, because good boy middle grade is like the freakin' holy grail. I'd delete the second para (or at very least the last sentence) but I think you are in great shape here--I'd keep reading.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29371578723229397822008-07-20T01:31:00.000-04:002008-07-20T01:31:00.000-04:00Writing seems technically correct, but I'm just no...Writing seems technically correct, but I'm just not really interested in what's happening. No from me, sorry.Amy Laurenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16782528327499574711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43091280520993880152008-07-20T00:58:00.000-04:002008-07-20T00:58:00.000-04:00I'd have to know the plot to know whether I'd be i...I'd have to know the plot to know whether I'd be interested, but yes, I liked it and would read more. I enjoyed the glue and eyeballs thing, but I would need something in the story to pick up fast to keep me from being bored like the MC. ;)<BR/><BR/>Good luck,<BR/><BR/>~MercMerchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6792281413541160852008-07-19T19:49:00.000-04:002008-07-19T19:49:00.000-04:00Yes, yes, yes! I loved this one. You totally pegge...Yes, yes, yes! I loved this one. You totally pegged the attitude of a bored boy by using glue balls. And you've also given the reader something to identify with.<BR/><BR/>A couple of things that caught my attention. The word "skull" took me out of the story. And "bored out of his skull" feels overused. I think you can do better. <BR/><BR/>Also, her list seems to be a tad long for the kids to repeat. <BR/><BR/>"Was interrupted" is bland. Show me his image was interrupted. Show me what the eyeballs did in his image when she interrupted it. <BR/><BR/>Best thing about this? IMO, it's got a great voice.candycanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14566547198433841652noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50530810605330019662008-07-19T19:33:00.000-04:002008-07-19T19:33:00.000-04:00He he he.Yep. I was one of those boys. For us, w...He he he.<BR/><BR/>Yep. I was one of those boys. For us, we thought that if we let our little tub of paste dry up, it would turn into gold. So the teacher ended up pretty ripped at our class because we all let our paste go hard.<BR/><BR/>I love that you called the teacher "Apple".<BR/><BR/>Good job.Davehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03699751175612528665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48291369938438722712008-07-19T17:14:00.000-04:002008-07-19T17:14:00.000-04:00I'm not a boy nor am I a middle schoolchild, but I...I'm not a boy nor am I a middle schoolchild, but I really liked this and could totally relate! I'd like to read on, as I like the overall tone. WOrd usage is concise, clear and to the point. I'd certainly read on.LShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05459442648170692724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50301206909223095822008-07-19T06:31:00.000-04:002008-07-19T06:31:00.000-04:00Sorry, no. Not my cup of tea. Nothing really grabb...Sorry, no. Not my cup of tea. Nothing really grabbed me.Beth Overmyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04820441246149409581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29012548264330745362008-07-19T03:58:00.000-04:002008-07-19T03:58:00.000-04:00Not for me. I liked the MC and his wild imaginatio...Not for me.<BR/><BR/> I liked the MC and his wild imagination. The writing was fine, but the bored-in-class opener is a little tired, and I'm not the intended audience so...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83466913553453595072008-07-18T18:42:00.000-04:002008-07-18T18:42:00.000-04:00May I please borrow Joey to explain to other write...May I please borrow Joey to explain to other writers the difference between gazes and eyes traveling? ;-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20140469902734447242008-07-18T18:12:00.000-04:002008-07-18T18:12:00.000-04:00Nothing wrong with this one, just not for me. I li...Nothing wrong with this one, just not for me. I liked the details about the glue, and the eyes. I have trouble relating to the main character, though, just because I was one of those kids who loved school. So probably just not my kind of story, to be honest.Jenitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03556732969358671557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49509251904679627272008-07-18T17:36:00.000-04:002008-07-18T17:36:00.000-04:00No. While I find the voice and actions realistic, ...No. While I find the voice and actions realistic, I'm not hooked from this opening. Nothing much happens, other than Joey being bored in class. I might reconsider if I knew more about the plot, because the writing flows well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10517798767586839752008-07-18T12:56:00.000-04:002008-07-18T12:56:00.000-04:00Yes. I would keep reading on. Loved the descript...Yes. I would keep reading on. Loved the description of the glue and eyes. As I was reading, I could picture this coming from the mind of a young boy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55728686775295421612008-07-18T10:41:00.000-04:002008-07-18T10:41:00.000-04:00Yes, I'd definitely read on. I really liked Joey'...Yes, I'd definitely read on. I really liked Joey's voice and gestures (i.e., the glue balls).<BR/><BR/>But, the teacher's line was awkwardly phrased, with the two "me"s in it.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21257328893691147222008-07-18T09:52:00.000-04:002008-07-18T09:52:00.000-04:00I like it. It's pleasingly written and paints a go...I like it. It's pleasingly written and paints a good picture. Eyes on the teacher... *chuckles* love it!<BR/><BR/>The line "several weeks' worth of glue rolls freckled the hollow space" really grabbed me. Great way to put it!<BR/><BR/>Personally, it is not "my type" of story, but for those who do enjoy it, it would draw in.<BR/><BR/>Keep it up!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26367873841547570772008-07-18T07:50:00.000-04:002008-07-18T07:50:00.000-04:00I love the glue part. I think your readers would c...I love the glue part. I think your readers would connect with this, especially your 4th and 5th graders. Not sure where your going with the eyeball thing. I think perhaps your onto something there, but it could have more humor added to it. I'd work on that part to get your reading 'rolling' with laughter. But you have something to work with here.Christina Farleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03459203755170266842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87637729866495153872008-07-18T03:28:00.000-04:002008-07-18T03:28:00.000-04:00Great start! I think I know this kid. I'd leave ou...Great start! I think I know this kid. I'd leave out the paragraph that begins "He hated Mondays." That's just telling, not showing. I think Joey's personality comes through loud and clear without the explication. I like the "eyes on the teacher". My students would find this humorous.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16506259241538034242008-07-18T00:51:00.000-04:002008-07-18T00:51:00.000-04:00I don't know how much it appeals to me personally,...I don't know how much it appeals to me personally, but I know my sons (8 and 10) would love it.Captain Hookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14802744533031619523noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36631660937714497692008-07-17T23:11:00.000-04:002008-07-17T23:11:00.000-04:00Not interesting enough to hook me as a reader.Soun...Not interesting enough to hook me as a reader.<BR/><BR/>Sounds like a normal day in a 4th grade class. So what makes it so special it should hook me?<BR/><BR/>Maybe the glue ball kid could save the day, or the teacher.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11708756087887472912008-07-17T21:42:00.000-04:002008-07-17T21:42:00.000-04:00Yes, I liked it. It gave a good insight into the c...Yes, I liked it. It gave a good insight into the character in a short time and was entertaining at the same time. I'd definitely read on.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06949383007237428146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33387539748072581242008-07-17T20:31:00.000-04:002008-07-17T20:31:00.000-04:00Sorry, I'm not completely hooked. I did like the t...Sorry, I'm not completely hooked. I did like the the line 'glue rolls freckled the hollow space' though and the eyeball visual, but I want some action!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89542187533727539542008-07-17T20:26:00.000-04:002008-07-17T20:26:00.000-04:00I love the first paragraph. I felt that the secon...I love the first paragraph. I felt that the second paragraph needs to be looked at or taken out all together. I would like to keep reading. Yes.stuckey8https://www.blogger.com/profile/09899863843857235887noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10301798042160778872008-07-17T19:13:00.000-04:002008-07-17T19:13:00.000-04:00Funny! Eyeballs all over the teacher-I LOVE it!RE...Funny! Eyeballs all over the teacher-I LOVE it!<BR/>RE "bored out of his skull", maybe find a fresher, hipper way to say this?<BR/>From what I have read, my middle-school students would like this!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86624914786395623542008-07-17T17:42:00.000-04:002008-07-17T17:42:00.000-04:00Fantastic! Nuff said. 8^)Fantastic! Nuff said. 8^)Karen Duvallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01839711547501582977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23428948899680046052008-07-17T17:06:00.000-04:002008-07-17T17:06:00.000-04:00Yes. This is fun an well-written. Love the eyeball...Yes. This is fun an well-written. Love the eyeballs.LMThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14326868690623302797noreply@blogger.com