tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post575629800647544939..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: #34 YA Fantasy: Time BoundAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90259640938283645932011-12-06T20:26:51.401-05:002011-12-06T20:26:51.401-05:00I bid 20 pages.I bid 20 pages.Melissa Jeglinskinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65701815074836339012011-12-06T11:31:39.541-05:002011-12-06T11:31:39.541-05:00I think this is a cool concept and I liked the set...I think this is a cool concept and I liked the setting. I bid 5 pages!Danielle Chiottinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39831642487805837952011-12-05T16:09:34.888-05:002011-12-05T16:09:34.888-05:00#34 TIME BOUND
Logline: I don’t know much about Ti...#34 TIME BOUND<br />Logline: I don’t know much about Time Dragons, but I’m interested in the idea of an Asian mythology. And the idea that doing the right thing might make bad news for the mc is ripe with drama.<br /><br />Line notes: I like the way you establish the character’s feeling of being out of place. The merry-go-round comparison makes the emotion physical. <br /><br />Unfortunately, the magic/fantasy that the logline focuses on isn’t here at all, however, and I found myself wishing that the “usual market activity” wasn’t quite so ordinary as Holly finds it – that your unique setting couldn’t be “any market in America.”<br /><br />Overall: I’d be interested to read more, to see how you move from this relatively contemporary opening scene to a fantasy.Sarah Shumwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18241110372281920996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42391028950287934002011-12-05T12:18:59.846-05:002011-12-05T12:18:59.846-05:00I like the setting and the mood you've set up ...I like the setting and the mood you've set up here, and her feeling "other". Good work. Not sure about the premise. It doesn't seem like a true dilemma to me. "Honor bound" wouldn't replace her instinct to survive. So if there's more to the story, I'd find a way to get that in.<br /><br />The writing is really solid. Good luck!Tracy Holczerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626923883424982455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87163792185814799402011-12-04T20:15:25.081-05:002011-12-04T20:15:25.081-05:00Yay, Japan! You have good taste ;) Natsukashii!
Y...Yay, Japan! You have good taste ;) Natsukashii!<br /><br />Yuzu and hot chestnuts set the tone for me instantly. Very typical and pungent smells. And man do I love yuzu.<br /><br />I love that she's half-Japanese, because it's definitely a bigger deal in Japan than America, and there would be that polite exclusion going on, particularly in a rural area which this sounds like it might be. Plus, diverse protags are the best.<br /><br />I'm not sure I'm convinced that honor is enough of a reason to release the Time Dragon. It doesn't sound like there's a good side to releasing him except to assuage her guilt. Is there a better reason for releasing him, strong enough to prevent him rewriting time and destroying people? They seem unbalanced otherwise.<br /><br />Anyway, 110% I would definitely read this! Let's take over the YA world with Japanese fiction! More seriously, it's nice to see a fresh fantasy based on a different mythology.Amanda Sunnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53563076454608616812011-12-03T21:49:41.232-05:002011-12-03T21:49:41.232-05:00After living in Asia for 10 years I'm a fan of...After living in Asia for 10 years I'm a fan of stories set in Asia! Yeah! I would pick the book up instantly for that alone. But I loved the premise, it's unique and creative. <br /><br />Japan is such a lovely country too. Great job at bringing in those setting details and I liked how you brought in her comparisons too.Christina Farleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03459203755170266842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29248035395205217252011-12-03T21:29:35.246-05:002011-12-03T21:29:35.246-05:00This is really great. Love the premise. Like othe...This is really great. Love the premise. Like others, I love the merry-go-round lines. :)<br /><br />Great work and good luck! :)Larissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08874147599272424056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56028271899077030472011-12-03T16:32:54.268-05:002011-12-03T16:32:54.268-05:00I must say the first paragraph really transported ...I must say the first paragraph really transported me there. And I just LOVED those first sentences. The contrast between yuzu (whatever that is) and chestnuts with fish was genius, imo! :D<br /><br />I bid the full. Oh wait. I can't!!<br />It's so unfair that I'm not an agent!! :PAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00482654021641010175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36091330212893793052011-12-03T14:39:12.510-05:002011-12-03T14:39:12.510-05:00Um...is this about a TIME DRAGON in JAPAN? Hooked....Um...is this about a TIME DRAGON in JAPAN? Hooked. <br /><br />I enjoyed the opening scene. I could picture it, and the last sentence gives us a hint of conflict to come. Would most definitely read on! <br /><br />Good luck!Jessica Leakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03443106239685216080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70720907592098281312011-12-03T09:04:15.679-05:002011-12-03T09:04:15.679-05:00What? Time Dragon? Blood? Ancestors? And do I snif...What? Time Dragon? Blood? Ancestors? And do I sniff a ROMANCE with the boy? (I'm sure he's cute. RIGHT???) Yum. Sign me up.<br /><br />I might do some light editing and condensing of the first page just to get us into some action faster, but the description is BEAUTIFUL.<br /><br />There is foreshadowing ALL OVER your last line. <br /><br />If you were to send this to me for my personal enjoyment on my Kindle before it snags you an agent, I would not be sad. Nottttt at all. *whistles*<br /><br />Awesome job. So much luck to you.Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28920664544170085662011-12-03T02:01:25.563-05:002011-12-03T02:01:25.563-05:00I liked this. I have always loved Japan, so I woul...I liked this. I have always loved Japan, so I would also look into it just for that fact. I DO find it interesting that you chose 3rd person for a YA when most are 1st, but I would love to see more.C. A. Szarekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09488970622986049936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38624299336696958062011-12-02T22:25:03.319-05:002011-12-02T22:25:03.319-05:00I enjoyed your merry-go-round simile and your desc...I enjoyed your merry-go-round simile and your description of the market place. This has got a nice pace. I'd read on.<br /><br />Best of luck!PCBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40082208030343655202011-12-02T19:24:35.245-05:002011-12-02T19:24:35.245-05:00I really like the writing in this -- really gets a...I really like the writing in this -- really gets all the senses -- sight, sound, smell. I like that that this is set in another country and that she is half-Japanese and feels different as a result. It gives her something unique as a character, a unique perspective. I also like the idea of a time-dragon, and see this as having a lot of potential for conflict and dramatic action. I would read on. Best of luck!Miss Aspiranthttp://missaspirant.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87141452070210273912011-12-02T17:12:00.659-05:002011-12-02T17:12:00.659-05:00Oh, I LOVE this, and I LOVE the fact the story'...Oh, I LOVE this, and I LOVE the fact the story's set in Japan. I'd read it for that reason alone!<br /><br />PS Just out of curiosity, when you say the dragon will rewrite time, do you mean it'll go back in time, or will it do some awesome magic trick where it literally rewrites history?Tamarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16466014613515065083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39903434303577893092011-12-02T16:41:22.088-05:002011-12-02T16:41:22.088-05:00Logline: A girl feels honor-bound to help a dragon...Logline: A girl feels honor-bound to help a dragon trapped as a human because someone she's related to trapped him. If she does, he might, essentially, kill her. What, she's not going to make a deal with him to NOT rewrite her out of existence if she helps? She's not going to wonder why her ancestor trapped him in the first place? I'd say discovering that second question's answer would be key.<br /><br />Excerpt: Overall, I liked it. I do feel it's odd that she's so focused on their judgement, not what's changed since when she was last here. Surely she'd be used to it by now; spending time searching for belonging always throws me out of things, because when you don't fit in, you don't spend time thinking about it unless it's about how to change it or not let your feelings be hurt. I'm also really not feeling a voice; maybe it's because I've never been to Japan, but I'm getting no sense of voice, just of facts and backstory and setting being thrown at me.<br /><br />I'd pick this up in the library, but the half-breed bit, plus my lack of connection to the character, would keep me from buying it at the store.Alainahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10343957686450599547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17332450054791222792011-12-02T13:15:31.455-05:002011-12-02T13:15:31.455-05:00I really enjoy this, especially since I've bee...I really enjoy this, especially since I've been to Japan twice and know exactly what you mean by the "Merry-go-round" comment. I'd definitely read on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12812521125995460012011-12-02T09:03:12.738-05:002011-12-02T09:03:12.738-05:00I think I've said this a few times already, bu...I think I've said this a few times already, but I love the setting and the mood of this opening. The merry-go-round comparison is fantastic. Also, I love Japan as a setting so I'm definitely hooked.<br /><br />I do have a few comments on the writing. "But today was Wednesday." doesn't have to be a separate sentence, imo. It breaks up the flow. A little bit like "Except it wasn't." (Though that one might work, I'm just not entirely convinced.)<br /><br />The "Just her luck." threw me a little because it seemed obvious for her to know it was a Wednesday and to avoid the market then. Her just being back in Japan cleared that up though. <br /><br />Other than that, I really, really liked this. <br /><br />(Also, I remember this from WOC '10 (I think!). So exciting to see how much the writing has improved and grown <3)Mariekehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16383960692054256957noreply@blogger.com