tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5793898219510951944..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Drop The Needle #6Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58970626735574596332008-04-24T19:30:00.000-04:002008-04-24T19:30:00.000-04:00Hmmm, not really menace--a subtle tone of uneasine...Hmmm, not really menace--a subtle tone of uneasiness and paranoia from Mateo, sure. <BR/><BR/>I liked the dialogue, even though I had trouble getting into the scene (the start made it sound like it was in Rahmed's pov, no Mateo's, so I was confused at the start). <BR/><BR/>Agree with Authoress that the idiomatic DL works well here. :)<BR/><BR/>~MercMerchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70853081932032883762008-04-24T16:16:00.000-04:002008-04-24T16:16:00.000-04:00I felt that Rahmed was creepy too, but not menacin...I felt that Rahmed was creepy too, but not menacing. What came through was the fear of Rahmed's actions through Mateo's over-analizing/paranoid thoughts, like he was waiting for Rah to go loco because he somehow know Mat was with his sister. Very good internal dialogue, though.Angela Ackermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01808259088625142389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18755607178272310462008-04-24T15:24:00.000-04:002008-04-24T15:24:00.000-04:00Well, I felt the need to get away from the creepy ...Well, I felt the need to get away from the creepy Rahmed, so I suppose that could be menace--there were some threats in there. But I'm not sure I'm clear on the relationship you gave in the intro matching up with the one that comes out at the end of the selection; that didn't seem as menacing to me. Just...weird, like, get me away from this guy.Rose Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10752073931486321348noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45242317167895169022008-04-24T14:13:00.000-04:002008-04-24T14:13:00.000-04:00You've done a great job of portraying character tr...You've done a great job of portraying character traits through idiomatic dialogue. I think that's a good skill to have!<BR/><BR/>There is certainly "menace" beneath much of Rahmed's dialogue, but I'm not sure it was the predominant emotion that I experienced. I certainly felt tension and a bit of anxiety. And, of course, Rahmed's pick-up line wasn't menacing -- at least not in the traditional sense.Authoresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.com