tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5826036847074467929..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: 8 SECRET AGENT: Are You Hooked?Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18210578999262010442008-10-18T14:49:00.000-04:002008-10-18T14:49:00.000-04:00I liked everything up until the last paragraph, wh...I liked everything up until the last paragraph, which felt melodramatic and overdone. It'd depend on the blurb for me, but I'd read on for a bit. :)<BR/><BR/>~MercMerchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16742040578375585572008-10-18T14:48:00.000-04:002008-10-18T14:48:00.000-04:00Yes, I did enter this into a previous competition....Yes, I did enter this into a previous competition. I noticed many of us have competed against one another before. We have all improved with time. :) Thank you all for the comments. Back to the keyboard!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6949217847381472652008-10-17T17:51:00.000-04:002008-10-17T17:51:00.000-04:00I very much like this. It does still need some wo...I very much like this. It does still need some work, but I think it's a matter of tightening and tinkering rather than having to adjust the concept. It's very evocative, and I loved the opening lines. If you can ratchet up the clarity, consider me hooked.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61746931097840807002008-10-17T17:00:00.000-04:002008-10-17T17:00:00.000-04:00i really liked this. I'm not sure if I'd read on,...i really liked this. I'm not sure if I'd read on, but that's only because it's not a genre I read. Great job!<BR/>PS. did you submit this in a previous secret agent contest? If it's the one I'm thinking of, you did a really good job revising!Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00069899208255221453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72308139144336615182008-10-17T16:02:00.000-04:002008-10-17T16:02:00.000-04:00Lovely wording here. I like.Lovely wording here. I like.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78157160791223390892008-10-17T10:29:00.000-04:002008-10-17T10:29:00.000-04:00Great description and a clarity of events that was...Great description and a clarity of events that was lacking before. This has a good level of conflict and tension, I'd read on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77978128033051286102008-10-17T09:09:00.000-04:002008-10-17T09:09:00.000-04:00You have a knack for description, but I think ther...You have a knack for description, but I think there was too much of it here. IMO, it detracted from the hook that is there. <BR/>I'd suggest to lose some of the description. Show off these skills after you've firmly hooked your readers. <BR/>I'd read on.Luc2https://www.blogger.com/profile/01069557738924277313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83994222553456912782008-10-17T01:19:00.000-04:002008-10-17T01:19:00.000-04:00Some beautiful writing here. You made Bei's grief ...Some beautiful writing here. You made Bei's grief come alive for me. I'm curious if the emaciated boy relates to Bei's lost sons. I love the improvements and clarifications you've made since its last incarnation. Yes, I'd keep reading.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75820509934695552392008-10-16T19:03:00.000-04:002008-10-16T19:03:00.000-04:00I'm hooked. The polish put on this from the last ...I'm hooked. The polish put on this from the last time I saw it really makes it shine for me. I'd definitely keep reading.Ardythhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15379643762791779892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15678782037050920072008-10-16T18:35:00.000-04:002008-10-16T18:35:00.000-04:00I feel it's almost there. I love the lyrical lang...I feel it's <I>almost</I> there. I love the lyrical language and the immediate conflict presented, but I think a few more firmer details might help set this in your readers' minds a bit more clearly. I'd probably read on a bit more, though.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69118292959592612632008-10-16T12:26:00.000-04:002008-10-16T12:26:00.000-04:00I'm slightly confused as to what's going on. Your ...I'm slightly confused as to what's going on. Your descriptions are fantastic and tension is very apparent, but my confusion would keep me from reading onsraaschhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02960364630183418763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52967820655716498892008-10-16T12:18:00.000-04:002008-10-16T12:18:00.000-04:00Loved it. I'd read on. Lots of conflict, urgency, ...Loved it. I'd read on. Lots of conflict, urgency, and emotion.<BR/><BR/>Very nice.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23410171775161514032008-10-16T09:28:00.000-04:002008-10-16T09:28:00.000-04:00ooo- Lots of potential here, but I don't think it'...ooo- Lots of potential here, but I don't think it's as perfect as it could be. The description is beautiful, but there are several very passive phrases, and the last sentence is a POV break and telling of the worst kind. <BR/><BR/>On one hand, there is a genre and market for this in the stores. I see published stories like this. But, personally, I'd like this to be a little more active and a little more in the moment.Liana Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14587774916354749190noreply@blogger.com