tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5835961043063369711..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: October Secret Agent #41Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38665417337692415952011-10-23T18:17:35.903-04:002011-10-23T18:17:35.903-04:00The events here are a bit convoluted; I’m not sure...The events here are a bit convoluted; I’m not sure which came first and how they actually relate and if the narrator knew the cat was a witch’s when they…killed it? By accident, sure, but that seems to be glossed over quite quickly. If these events are important, then they should be given import. If they are simply a means to the narrator getting slashed by (presumably) a fairy, then why bother with them?Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53550710224397259992011-10-21T15:30:24.959-04:002011-10-21T15:30:24.959-04:00I liked this too, but agree that it's a lot of...I liked this too, but agree that it's a lot of telling. What if you started by 'showing' her accidentally pushing the witch's cat out the window, so we get to see it happening?Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83504171422805085272011-10-20T09:57:45.767-04:002011-10-20T09:57:45.767-04:00I'm wondering if the witch's cat was made ...I'm wondering if the witch's cat was made out of pottery. Something living hitting hard enough to break a bird-bath is going to damaged, itself. Or in a mood for revenge, afterward. Keeping the 'by mistake' comment confirms that the narrator isn't some evil little hoodlum.<br /><br />The last line is priceless, and would keep me reading.Filigreenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53918622410107135862011-10-20T09:44:35.595-04:002011-10-20T09:44:35.595-04:00I love the opening line, but I'd cut the "...I love the opening line, but I'd cut the "by mistake" I think it would flow better. You have a neat voice and the the story sounds cute. I would keep reading, but the transition from the first and second paragraphs feels clunky to me. Nice job.Joynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6773656797356028892011-10-19T18:15:08.600-04:002011-10-19T18:15:08.600-04:00I liked this. I did think the mc was a boy though....I liked this. I did think the mc was a boy though. Maybe that's me (planning a MG boy book right now), but I see more boys as gamers than girls, so that's just where my head went. <br />I think it's just as likely to assume girl because most YA books have girl mc's.<br />Anyhow, my point is that you might want to give us a clue pretty quick.<br />But I would defintely read on!GSMarlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17558162486383585621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86827074416304725612011-10-19T15:06:38.986-04:002011-10-19T15:06:38.986-04:00Just want to thank everyone who's commenting—r...Just want to thank everyone who's commenting—really valuable reactions and advice—reading the other entries has been fascinating.Mary Trimblehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03796288505855238303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62417716226372393182011-10-19T15:03:13.512-04:002011-10-19T15:03:13.512-04:00The first sentence about the witches cat is what g...The first sentence about the witches cat is what got my attention, I liked it. I agree with David,it's a fun voice & I like how much info you gave. I'm hooked. ;-) Good LuckTammyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01674293611687455659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25395789523051497442011-10-19T14:25:09.274-04:002011-10-19T14:25:09.274-04:00I like the voice too. I'd read on. Good luck!I like the voice too. I'd read on. Good luck!Ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02046492434737362097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-534962230339104532011-10-19T14:05:06.247-04:002011-10-19T14:05:06.247-04:00This is great - fun voice. I don't think you&#...This is great - fun voice. I don't think you're giving me too much information. Good luck.David Barrett DeLozierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02773851062739499162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22221624972872425882011-10-19T13:41:07.759-04:002011-10-19T13:41:07.759-04:00I really like this.
Is he/she talking about a re...I really like this. <br /><br />Is he/she talking about a real cat or something else? I'm wondering how a live cat could break a birdbath.<br /><br />There are a couple of places that give information you could probably wait to include later. For example, "by mistake" in the first line or the fact that it's spring break at the beginning of the next paragraph.<br /><br />I'd like a little more description of the hand injury at the end, though - something as simple as the back of the hand. The last line definitely made me interested in reading more. I want to know who the tiny voice belongs to.<br /><br />Good luck!Michelle Masonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00180842477967297259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61149748532326838762011-10-19T13:39:38.203-04:002011-10-19T13:39:38.203-04:00I like the concept, but everything up to the blood...I like the concept, but everything up to the blood seems too telling. And though I get why you'd start with the witch's cat, the first sentence feels too clunky and long to me, and gives too much away. <br /><br />Your title allows the reader to assume that there will be witches, so I don't think you need to mention that it was a witch's cat just yet. <br /><br />The voice is good, though, so I'd read on.Tere Kirklandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13562750950130316280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81001895534218781842011-10-19T13:37:18.263-04:002011-10-19T13:37:18.263-04:00I agree with Anna - hold off on mentioning the cat...I agree with Anna - hold off on mentioning the cat until later. Loved it! Good luck!Robbinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267650156858452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12059822866459049782011-10-19T11:58:57.897-04:002011-10-19T11:58:57.897-04:00I love this! Just the first sentence alone made m...I love this! Just the first sentence alone made me smile at my desk. I'd read more!PVSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28859702181979635782011-10-19T10:43:43.009-04:002011-10-19T10:43:43.009-04:00I'm hooked. I think I would have rather not kn...I'm hooked. I think I would have rather not known it was a witch's cat (yet) and I wish I knew why she pushed the cat out. I recently used some super glue and I laughed at that scene (so true, so true). Overall, I enjoyed it.Annahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10071535816891378260noreply@blogger.com