tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6045715502592775159..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talking Heads #8Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47675968895159822512014-03-19T13:23:56.441-04:002014-03-19T13:23:56.441-04:00I had the same question in my mind about the huge ...I had the same question in my mind about the huge difference in the speech of the two characters, but now that I know that time travel is involved and Pandia is a modern gal, I think you've done a very good job with that. Pandia's responses are quite natural for a young 21st century woman, and I like Flavia's speech, because it's very consistent in this passage, and though it's rather stylized, it still sounds believable.<br /><br />One minor thing: it seemed a little odd to me when Pandia referred to 'the other, shorter gladiator' that had passed by. If they'd both just seen him, I don't think she would mention that he was 'shorter', as they would both know that; wouldn't she just say 'the other gladiator' or perhaps 'that other gladiator'? L.C. McGeheehttp://lcmcgehee.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76628641768094337282014-03-18T21:53:26.692-04:002014-03-18T21:53:26.692-04:00This felt a little...stiff to me. I know you'r...This felt a little...stiff to me. I know you're trying to capture the speaking patterns/language of the times, but it still felt a little stiff. I'd try to make it flow better by not having the first speaker be so choppy. Give her longer sentences, help her get a rhythm to her speech. I think the scene is interesting, you just need to work on the dialogue a little. Aightballhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10706831888613374173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17832075450999344062014-03-18T13:43:58.279-04:002014-03-18T13:43:58.279-04:00Aside from being all "ewww!" about the s...Aside from being all "ewww!" about the sweat lotion, the scene is nicely set. The dialog is interesting but there's something about Flavia's syntax that makes her sound foreign to the native language. She sounds like a fun character, though. <br /><br /><br /><br />Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48611382676426539862014-03-18T12:42:53.872-04:002014-03-18T12:42:53.872-04:00Ha, thanks, but Pandia is a modern woman who gas t...Ha, thanks, but Pandia is a modern woman who gas traveled back in time. I should have included that in the 40 words. Thank you!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16519250456239966742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54279492749963649242014-03-18T11:48:40.287-04:002014-03-18T11:48:40.287-04:00Hmm. There's a very striking contrast between ...Hmm. There's a very striking contrast between the two styles of speaking here. Pandia sounds modern, both in his dialogue and in his narration. Flavia sounds more like what I like to call Old-Timey Speak, with words like "swoon" and "shall." Of course dialogue can and should be a tool of characterization, and it's obvious that Pandia and Flavia are very different characters. But for me, the juxtaposition between modern and old-fashioned is kind of jarring. It's hard to believe that they're from the same historical era.<br /><br />Having said that, nice job with the contrast between Flavia's giddy delight and Pandia's cynical disgust. Looking at the genre, I'm intrigued as to whether these two are going to end up paired romantically. Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com