tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6067217643311627440..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Secret Agent #36Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51119747850759339802020-04-18T09:43:10.297-04:002020-04-18T09:43:10.297-04:00This first sentence was confusing to me—I had to r...This first sentence was confusing to me—I had to read through several times before I realized it was switching between first person POV and 3rd. It could be reworked for a bit more clarity. I’m very intrigued by Mika’s current predicament, but I’d love a few more details so I could be grounded in the scene and know more about her. Right now, there are almost too many questions in my mind, which rather than pulling me, are making me feel disconnected from the story.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14719984514577110952020-04-17T11:58:21.737-04:002020-04-17T11:58:21.737-04:00The first few sections weren't as smooth of a ...The first few sections weren't as smooth of a read as I'd hoped. I had a lot of questions (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), but also was a little confused with the timing between her and the other person. I adored your descriptions though starting with her power outfit to the end of your post. It painted a clear picture and was totally relatable.Crystal J. Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03346402424964235536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69114556292999595932020-04-17T11:56:31.855-04:002020-04-17T11:56:31.855-04:00This line really confused me. "The thoughts s...This line really confused me. "The thoughts sounded desperate, although not as desperate as the reason why she was there in first place." Is she hearing someone else's thoughts? And who is the she? Is she watching someone else here or is the she the main character? I think you're trying to say that your character is listening to her own thoughts but it takes a re-read to get that and you don't want your reader to stop this early and re-read.<br /><br />Good luck!<br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72393603641739807282020-04-16T16:20:48.633-04:002020-04-16T16:20:48.633-04:00The first paragraph threw me a little. It starts f...The first paragraph threw me a little. It starts first person but shifts to third by the end. If she's talking to herself, could you put that in quotes? And consider omitting "except me." It seems that's a given. If you want to emphasize that she's going back and forth in her mind about this, maybe that could be its own paragraph: "But I would know."<br />Love the sweat pooled in uncomfortable places line, the bit about what she ate, and the day-old nachos. Description of the truck also great. :)Betsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172083170208857228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17879303867513327822020-04-15T14:23:28.173-04:002020-04-15T14:23:28.173-04:00Sounds interesting. I'd love to know more. Is ...Sounds interesting. I'd love to know more. Is she in front of the bank because they're going to rob it? So many possibilities.Eileen Joyce Donovanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18125521036247423016noreply@blogger.com