tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post616417123852772425..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: April Secret Agent Contest #48Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80428500309497520322010-04-18T01:09:00.073-04:002010-04-18T01:09:00.073-04:00I am not convinced. They sound too young, and it f...I am not convinced. They sound too young, and it feels a bit cutsie-wootsie. <br /><br />I'd read a couple more pages, to be sure, but it would have to lose the twee pretty fast for me to keep going.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21403436663947745882010-04-16T19:57:30.143-04:002010-04-16T19:57:30.143-04:00I thought it started too early. Perhaps start wit...I thought it started too early. Perhaps start with them at their spaceship? You could still get the song and Mom's line in there.<br /><br />It's also told from a narrator's POV, which is fine if the whole story is told that way, but I don't have a sense of who your MC is - Michelle or Mady.<br /><br />It is interesting, but I think it's not quite there yet. Keep at it!Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14501132182710265406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11629645172965300422010-04-15T15:23:55.937-04:002010-04-15T15:23:55.937-04:00I enjoyed the quick and easy established relations...I enjoyed the quick and easy established relationship between Michelle and Mady, well done. I did feel as if the problem was late to present and a bit of a letdown surprise, but perhaps if I read the beginning CHAPTER, I wouldn't feel that way.Conda Douglashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12972790965426924941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24083882482874705062010-04-15T13:33:07.524-04:002010-04-15T13:33:07.524-04:00I really liked this. I only wish I could read mor...I really liked this. I only wish I could read more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69989236229606394842010-04-15T10:56:19.615-04:002010-04-15T10:56:19.615-04:00I think you nailed the MG voice. I like the idea o...I think you nailed the MG voice. I like the idea of this story. Whether they actually go to the moon or not? I'd keep reading.Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00090711022922985649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65263407389181103882010-04-14T21:38:12.037-04:002010-04-14T21:38:12.037-04:00I like the overall premise, and the amount of dial...I like the overall premise, and the amount of dialogue mixed with backstory.<br /><br />This being said, I feel like starting the novel with such a large chunk of backstory (and over-embellishing adjectives) might be a bit of a turn off for some readers. Really liked the song though.<br /><br />Overall, I'm hooked. Thanks for sharing!Maxnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71213912453775520992010-04-14T19:51:47.648-04:002010-04-14T19:51:47.648-04:00I would start with the little sister singing the s...I would start with the little sister singing the song. The part before that is all telling, and doesn't really draw me in. Especially since you're telling us about the spaceship, without telling us whether it's real or make-believe. So all it does is make me a little confused.<br /><br />The two sets of names starting with the same letter seems a little precious for my taste.<br /><br />Once the girls start talking, though, I get a feel for who they are and I start enjoying the story.Judithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22594248094030094392010-04-14T15:36:08.512-04:002010-04-14T15:36:08.512-04:00I like the description in the first paragraph, but...I like the description in the first paragraph, but I don't think it's your strongest choice to lead the story.<br /><br />"The Cousinhood" makes me think they're all cousins, but Michelle and Mady are sisters.<br /><br />It's a fun premise and you have a distinctive voice. A shade young perhaps, but maybe not.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84719474027306054432010-04-14T15:20:58.315-04:002010-04-14T15:20:58.315-04:00I really loved this. Great opening.I really loved this. Great opening.CindyLou Fosterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16178779080794507708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47977374899602246422010-04-14T15:15:10.098-04:002010-04-14T15:15:10.098-04:00The one girl's voice seems young for MG, but s...The one girl's voice seems young for MG, but she could, of course, be the younger sister.<br /><br />I would keep reading because I want to know if they actually take off - or if it's just pretend.<br /><br />Good job.Cordelia Dinsmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704456269484202163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70322203908667491942010-04-14T14:01:22.625-04:002010-04-14T14:01:22.625-04:00I like the premise and am very curious if they'...I like the premise and am very curious if they've built a real spaceship somehow. I almost wish this story started earlier so I could read about their preparations instead of just hearing about them in one line. But I'd definitely read more just to see if they do, indeed, somehow make it to the moon.<br /><br />-IzanobuNobuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08406099079673709553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70412105772247197662010-04-14T10:54:23.557-04:002010-04-14T10:54:23.557-04:00I loved "crack-laden sidewalk".
The s...I loved "crack-laden sidewalk". <br /><br />The song makes Mady sound little, but I see that it's middle grade. MG is ages 9-12 and I've heard that publishers prefer the characters are at the higher end of the age range. But this is just a snippet - this could be a memory or the cousins could range in age.<br /><br />Can you use an alternative to "walk briskly"? A strong verb instead of an adverb - maybe "strode" or "skipped".<br /><br />I like the premise and the dialogue is believable.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.com