tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6195071872167020770..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 50 Words #14Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21696496720689780762010-04-23T10:39:23.647-04:002010-04-23T10:39:23.647-04:00Hooked. You have voice and a great description. ...Hooked. You have voice and a great description. I can already picture a small town diner waitress serving her patrons. (Unless this is a waiter at The cheese cake factory downtown chicago...then you might want to change things.)Maganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14045036129073244749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33679346006917346292010-04-22T21:42:30.785-04:002010-04-22T21:42:30.785-04:00I really liked this. My only comment, besides the...I really liked this. My only comment, besides the groping/getting groped bit, is that "No regrets, he deserved it." should have a semi-colon or an em-dash, I believe. There's no conjunction to connect the clauses with a comma. Anyway, very hooked.Amanda the Aspiringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10983953436816551075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29749116715408361472010-04-22T19:36:16.941-04:002010-04-22T19:36:16.941-04:00Somewhat hooked. I found the second paragraph a bi...Somewhat hooked. I found the second paragraph a bit too much "telling", and not enough "showing"--but it was charmingly done, so I'm not sure I'd call that a flaw. It did slow the pace of the story, however. <br /><br />This may just be a matter of personal taste; I didn't love the voice, so I wasn't drawn in. I don't think the piece was badly done, however.jjdebenedictishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16950592240599703771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62023581299719055652010-04-22T19:06:39.178-04:002010-04-22T19:06:39.178-04:00Very strong voice. Nice.
I agree with the earlier...Very strong voice. Nice.<br /><br />I agree with the earlier comment about "Getting groped..." rather than "Groping..." to start that sentence. Even though you would have those two words in two consecutive sentences, in this case it would work to give emphasis as opposed to just being redundant.<br /><br />Even though this is not a genre I usually read, this just might hook me because I like your MC already.TKAstlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15853167834460094772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30417701332779062352010-04-22T16:50:57.356-04:002010-04-22T16:50:57.356-04:00Love it! I'd totally read on.Love it! I'd totally read on.Valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13926854472611072303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13925394576347298182010-04-22T16:50:53.319-04:002010-04-22T16:50:53.319-04:00Very nice. Not something I'd read though.Very nice. Not something I'd read though.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45510795062393982302010-04-22T14:17:46.006-04:002010-04-22T14:17:46.006-04:00Oh, Man Alive! Hooked! And in the boat ready for t...Oh, Man Alive! Hooked! And in the boat ready for the beer batter. Excellent beginning. Love the voice, the ‘list’ and how he went too far…really? Too far? Excellent.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38068394264153058462010-04-22T13:41:58.960-04:002010-04-22T13:41:58.960-04:00Sorta hooked. It's a good voice. I might add g...Sorta hooked. It's a good voice. I might add get groped after serve the meal as well.Jean Viola Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09411412962083731682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21307872129711394892010-04-22T12:47:58.927-04:002010-04-22T12:47:58.927-04:00Hooked. That's quite a job description ;-)Hooked. That's quite a job description ;-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04306798045187396563noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67961433838382325062010-04-22T12:24:25.201-04:002010-04-22T12:24:25.201-04:00"Getting groped" is part of being a wait..."Getting groped" is part of being a waitress. Otherwise she's going around and grabbing people's crotches. But I like your MC's style!Jill Wheelerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15059527254551768150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15934939599858267132010-04-22T11:57:02.924-04:002010-04-22T11:57:02.924-04:00Great voice here. I'd read on.
One small quib...Great voice here. I'd read on.<br /><br />One small quibble: Calling this a paranormal fantasy is redundant. I'd go with paranormal romance (if that's what this is going to turn into), or urban fantasy (if there are more fantastical elements than romantic ones).Krista Van Dolzerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64821701489075735102010-04-22T11:53:35.870-04:002010-04-22T11:53:35.870-04:00I like the voice here a lot.I like the voice here a lot.Janehttp://www.simplemystery.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71774199312282199202010-04-22T11:50:31.042-04:002010-04-22T11:50:31.042-04:00I love this! Especially that she aimed for the jaw...I love this! Especially that she aimed for the jaw and got the nose. That's really funny to me. :) The voice is fun, too.Bethany Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12829932931010851406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82266321214736149082010-04-22T11:49:59.299-04:002010-04-22T11:49:59.299-04:00Hooked, hooked, hooked! I especially love that she...Hooked, hooked, hooked! I especially love that she has bad aim. LOL.Catherine Gaylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05830640955594808304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20466331608647801812010-04-22T11:43:17.485-04:002010-04-22T11:43:17.485-04:00Hooked, totally.Hooked, totally.Steve Hallhttp://kestrelsaerie.usnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-969223644751707582010-04-22T10:48:34.173-04:002010-04-22T10:48:34.173-04:00Hooked. Your MC sounds witty, and this looks like...Hooked. Your MC sounds witty, and this looks like it would be a fun read. I'd read on.Emaynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52733686190840780182010-04-22T10:16:58.033-04:002010-04-22T10:16:58.033-04:00I really liked this, especially the first sentence...I really liked this, especially the first sentence. ";-)S.A. Larsenッhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241633272588383935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48467081146332808432010-04-22T10:09:38.537-04:002010-04-22T10:09:38.537-04:00Hooked! Great opening line. I love the "So&qu...Hooked! Great opening line. I love the "So" at the beginning. Jerks the reader into the scene before we even know what the scene is. Outstanding.M.T. Murphyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08222869745287371439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50711284565200970472010-04-22T10:07:52.082-04:002010-04-22T10:07:52.082-04:00Hooked. Very funny, clear character voice. Love th...Hooked. Very funny, clear character voice. Love the title.Deni Kruegerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14966983714899088984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31836391782349547552010-04-22T09:42:17.037-04:002010-04-22T09:42:17.037-04:00Well, between the first lines and the title, I wan...Well, between the first lines and the title, I want to read more. Is this a witch? If it is, it will be pretty interesting to see who this guy was dealing with and how she can get back at him.Kathryn Packer Robertshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16506942804607936833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69066634310681752062010-04-22T09:41:36.587-04:002010-04-22T09:41:36.587-04:00Hooked. Like the voice.Hooked. Like the voice.Clairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09609095934716513347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74997072680406258772010-04-22T09:38:07.927-04:002010-04-22T09:38:07.927-04:00Hooked! I want more!Hooked! I want more!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87117275665439348432010-04-22T09:16:53.552-04:002010-04-22T09:16:53.552-04:00Very hooked! I love the description of the job dut...Very hooked! I love the description of the job duties.Elizabeth Janettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09126364534598960883noreply@blogger.com