tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6238478982915542028..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: Public Slushpile #8Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23507176975230872012012-03-21T23:20:03.791-04:002012-03-21T23:20:03.791-04:00No, but close to being a yes. There are real stak...No, but close to being a yes. There are real stakes here, but the way the query presents them isn't focused enough.Kate Larkindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29735381551085220742012-03-21T22:51:54.472-04:002012-03-21T22:51:54.472-04:00No. Too much set up and not enough story points.No. Too much set up and not enough story points.Tracy Holczerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626923883424982455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14556061039073351382012-03-21T21:29:37.252-04:002012-03-21T21:29:37.252-04:00No - the 10k race line seems to come from nowhere,...No - the 10k race line seems to come from nowhere, ti's not until the second paragraph that it sounds like it's relevant to the story and not just a metaphor - feels like the author is trying to cram too much info into too small a space, and sacrificing clarity.Lindsay Kitsonhttp://lindsaykitson.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73318479341888039362012-03-21T20:31:03.939-04:002012-03-21T20:31:03.939-04:00No.
It took two read-throughs, and I'm still ...No.<br /><br />It took two read-throughs, and I'm still not sure if Connor's mom came back or not. The 10k race comment came out of nowhere, and the second paragraph is confusing.Laura Hughes, MittensMorgulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00934132671168843593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80350429567568924532012-03-21T20:15:23.365-04:002012-03-21T20:15:23.365-04:00NO. I had trouble caring about this kid who was mo...NO. I had trouble caring about this kid who was more worried about himself than the fact that his mother was gone.Adam Heinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225813532455467868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13128769801372641832012-03-21T18:40:32.774-04:002012-03-21T18:40:32.774-04:00No, the choice between making JV track team and to...No, the choice between making JV track team and total life meltdown are too far out of balance.S L Jenanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07380200649705113056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27215334151190151712012-03-21T18:33:56.633-04:002012-03-21T18:33:56.633-04:00No. I am confused on what is the central focus and...No. I am confused on what is the central focus and main stakes for the MC, and not really feeling a MG voice.Mia K Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10559392161390047500noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79006660280984991152012-03-21T18:16:32.622-04:002012-03-21T18:16:32.622-04:00No. Something's missing in the middle...not su...No. Something's missing in the middle...not sure who ran away and why and how school and track fit in when he's hiding.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00052141159886452951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6813642945329981222012-03-21T18:13:26.511-04:002012-03-21T18:13:26.511-04:00YES!!! I am hooked on the whole idea. Many years ...YES!!! I am hooked on the whole idea. Many years ago there was a book/movie about a boy who ran away to the wilderness (My Side of the Mountain.) I love the premise of a kid surviving on his own, by wits and resourcefulness, and with a little help from friends. Add the mother-son pathos and friendship angst and I'm even more hooked.Sarah Floydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11202671048418865629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10041476411481685852012-03-21T17:52:03.782-04:002012-03-21T17:52:03.782-04:00No. I'm not sure your stakes are high enough. ...No. I'm not sure your stakes are high enough. Risking everything to get a spot on the track team doesn't really work for me.Stephanie Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9228155059626719832012-03-21T17:49:57.164-04:002012-03-21T17:49:57.164-04:00No - the focus of the query should probably stay o...No - the focus of the query should probably stay on Connor's abandonment rather than the subplot about running. It's a pretty big deal for a minor to have a dead parent and another one leave for no reason.Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67197075331117564382012-03-21T17:21:25.956-04:002012-03-21T17:21:25.956-04:00No. Although the story sounds like it might be in...No. Although the story sounds like it might be interesting, the query is awkward and confusing, which leads me to wonder if the book is too.womenswriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17034877100597348596noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26660328377622327002012-03-21T17:04:27.878-04:002012-03-21T17:04:27.878-04:00No. There seems to be some genre-confusion. MG boo...No. There seems to be some genre-confusion. MG books generally don't have strong love elements, like the friend thinking of him "that way," and the JV track team also has me wondering if maybe this is YA instead.Beth Hnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57912442919227176922012-03-21T16:21:35.536-04:002012-03-21T16:21:35.536-04:00No. I’m just overall confused on the vague details...No. I’m just overall confused on the vague details here. The rest is just a little unbelievable.Aldrea Alienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05652344290376563676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46820821106151201042012-03-21T16:14:28.540-04:002012-03-21T16:14:28.540-04:00No.
I didn't believe the set-up and then I ju...No.<br /><br />I didn't believe the set-up and then I just got confused. The fact that he's a runner needs to get dropped in before you mention the 10K race as a metaphor because that's where I started wondering what the heck we were talking about.Leah Petersenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17668989627100455974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19173518370229037172012-03-21T15:57:36.158-04:002012-03-21T15:57:36.158-04:00No. The set-up (mom leaves, father dies, foster ho...No. The set-up (mom leaves, father dies, foster home awaits) combined with normal life of JV track, nosy classmate, two girl friends seems implausible; plus all challenges in first graph SHOULD be harder than running a 10K. Not a good analogy.Durango Writerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14854000354374970070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65760495191968681932012-03-21T14:42:28.386-04:002012-03-21T14:42:28.386-04:00No- It intrigued me but the whole description was ...No- It intrigued me but the whole description was kind of scattered (no reason for the running reference thrown at you) made me afraid the story would be the same way.SMKraftynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46710163215236013762012-03-21T13:40:53.458-04:002012-03-21T13:40:53.458-04:00No.
It's an interesting concept, but I had tr...No.<br /><br />It's an interesting concept, but I had trouble following the logic: the racing references came out of nowhere, he's hiding but still going to school (?), and he might get taken away from him mom when the girls are the only family he has left (?).Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11762838700773663502012-03-21T13:32:53.972-04:002012-03-21T13:32:53.972-04:00No, I realize this is MG but the situation of a mo...No, I realize this is MG but the situation of a mom gone AWOL needs to have higher stakes than a spot on the JV track team.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01052604405996474436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66504342755811365412012-03-21T13:05:33.140-04:002012-03-21T13:05:33.140-04:00NO
the query is too jumbled for me to follow, and ...NO<br />the query is too jumbled for me to follow, and the running metaphors don't make sense until the last paragraph track team revealSarah Ahiershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14466872878671846092012-03-21T12:17:22.638-04:002012-03-21T12:17:22.638-04:00No. I stopped reading beginning of second paragrap...No. I stopped reading beginning of second paragraph.Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26149045610556089932012-03-21T12:15:41.302-04:002012-03-21T12:15:41.302-04:00No. This needs more focus on the main character...No. This needs more focus on the main character's goal, rather than what happens in the book.Holly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45198964338229873742012-03-21T12:07:47.954-04:002012-03-21T12:07:47.954-04:00NO, you have a lot of potential, but the query nee...NO, you have a lot of potential, but the query needs some reworking to make the story clear.Tina Mosshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09892617933410379929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24602414215772484212012-03-21T11:44:20.945-04:002012-03-21T11:44:20.945-04:00No. The punctuation made me cross-eyed.No. The punctuation made me cross-eyed.Lanettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09987748870291077638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18846166382611295362012-03-21T11:28:41.445-04:002012-03-21T11:28:41.445-04:00No. Too vague and the running references came out ...No. Too vague and the running references came out of nowhere.Jean Davishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02047709505502621618noreply@blogger.com