tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6338162072578099488..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: 36 SECRET AGENTAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81712840006642419692009-01-17T21:39:00.000-05:002009-01-17T21:39:00.000-05:00Like the sibling conflict and some good dialog, bu...Like the sibling conflict and some good dialog, but not hooked to read more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6348823656180925802009-01-17T20:21:00.000-05:002009-01-17T20:21:00.000-05:00I like the title. I like the interaction between t...I like the title. I like the interaction between the sisters. I bet you get a lot of grief for using "retard" in a derogatory manner. It doesn't offend me, but everyone is so politically correct these days...<BR/><BR/>I would read further to see how this comes out.danceluvrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16357250951481805093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27785514487684423252009-01-16T11:15:00.000-05:002009-01-16T11:15:00.000-05:00Not quite hooked. You did good giving us a typicl ...Not quite hooked. You did good giving us a typicl sibling argument/torture. Needs to be tightened up a bit. I felt like I was getting the middle of a scene, then you were going to go back to explain later.Bethlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00399849555406133310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14114847125825081792009-01-16T08:37:00.000-05:002009-01-16T08:37:00.000-05:00I loved the dialogue between the sisters. It came ...I loved the dialogue between the sisters. It came accross as real, but I have to agree with some of the the others about the word 'retard' It is offensive to some, but it is used a lot by adults and children.<BR/><BR/>Personally, I wouldn't buy a book that uses that word in that way, but that's just me.<BR/><BR/>The writing's great though.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216407428320615449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64421535456091646482009-01-16T01:30:00.000-05:002009-01-16T01:30:00.000-05:00I didn't really see a hook in your entry, but I wa...I didn't really see a hook in your entry, but I was totally hooked anyway. You have nailed the interaction with the sisters, and your story sounds like a fun read.Suzette Saxtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06401538008029407734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84051841571376918822009-01-15T16:49:00.000-05:002009-01-15T16:49:00.000-05:00I like how you give us the pertinent details via R...I like how you give us the pertinent details via Rachel, rather than infodumping. Don't feel like you need all the dialogue tags though, as it's fairly clear who's speaking in most of the lines. I'd read on, though, to see where this is going!LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3876799571836818242009-01-15T16:07:00.000-05:002009-01-15T16:07:00.000-05:00Fast-paced - I liked it. The exchange between sist...Fast-paced - I liked it. The exchange between sisters reminded me of my sister and I when we were younger. <BR/><BR/>I'm intrigued to read more!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38136456338359119502009-01-15T13:45:00.000-05:002009-01-15T13:45:00.000-05:00Hooked me…Because the characters seem real, there ...Hooked me…<BR/>Because the characters seem real, there is no info dump, the conflict is immediate… it felt like Paige overreacted a bit the first time she yelled at Rachel, but hey, she’s in fifth grade, so maybe she would. The second time she yelled it was definitely warranted.Anette J Kreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15675193405511996480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39328945343924006562009-01-15T13:08:00.000-05:002009-01-15T13:08:00.000-05:00Not hooked, but not turned off, either. Make it e...Not hooked, but not turned off, either. Make it evident why she's dreading the pageant, why she thinks no one will ever talk to her again. Give us a reason to empathize with your MC. Understanding the why of it all (her fear) allows us to feel for her.<BR/><BR/>And you have a disappearing pillow. She throws it, but it never lands of hits anything. Nor does her sister react to it in any.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54522530653909258412009-01-15T12:14:00.000-05:002009-01-15T12:14:00.000-05:00I'd keep reading for the relationship of the two s...I'd keep reading for the relationship of the two sisters. The older one, Rachel, was hilarious and seemed so real. Dialogue was fantastic and while words like "retard" and "gay" seem taboo to some people, truth of the matter is, teens and pre-teens use them all the time. Heck, I'm in college and they still pop out of my mouth. I'm definitely hooked. Nice work!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53947217734043725642009-01-15T11:07:00.000-05:002009-01-15T11:07:00.000-05:00The fighting between the two sisters isn't enough ...The fighting between the two sisters isn't enough to hook me. And I'm not a big fan of beauty pageant stories (unless they're twisted, bizarre ones--which I'm not sensing will be the way this goes)Siobhanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08319879957947966018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44034318905293847712009-01-15T10:41:00.000-05:002009-01-15T10:41:00.000-05:00Not really. Not that there is anything wrong with ...Not really. Not that there is anything wrong with it. It's well written and interesting but not my cup of tea.<BR/><BR/>I think people are making to big a deal over "retard." Your dialogue is very real sounding.John Zeleznikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10301257444191880316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28609443069432865012009-01-15T09:44:00.000-05:002009-01-15T09:44:00.000-05:00I would read on! I don't agree with the people th...I would read on! I don't agree with the people that have a problem with the word "retard". This sounds like my children bickering back and forth. It does not come across as a derogatory statement in this context. If we remove all the books from the library that contain mildly offensive words what would we read. There is enough politically correctness in the world. Leave it for the "retards" like me, who have said the same things to their sibblings.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22467547991244392342009-01-15T08:13:00.000-05:002009-01-15T08:13:00.000-05:00You've set up a nice,edgy relationship between the...You've set up a nice,edgy relationship between the siblings. That older sister is ace! However - I felt I didn't have all the info (is this an extract from later in your story?). Why is her life over when the pageant hasn't even happened yet (because she's appearing with mom?)? If this is your novel's opening, you need a clearer way of getting us into the story, I think. Though this is certainly a family I'd like to read about!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44708936674969753562009-01-15T06:53:00.000-05:002009-01-15T06:53:00.000-05:00I liked it and would read on! It made me laugh. Ve...I liked it and would read on! It made me laugh. Very nice portrayal of sisters!Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02791110460079690938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42001279310032201822009-01-15T00:57:00.000-05:002009-01-15T00:57:00.000-05:00The sister's first line about being the winner fel...The sister's first line about being the winner felt really mundane. I was pleasantly surprised by the funny interaction later. I'd keep reading.Kai Strand, Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10012304963642303041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70624291041233494072009-01-14T22:18:00.000-05:002009-01-14T22:18:00.000-05:00Hooked! Good voice, clear direction.Hooked! Good voice, clear direction.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29019671406419574162009-01-14T17:21:00.000-05:002009-01-14T17:21:00.000-05:00I love the sisterly interaction, and especially Ra...I love the sisterly interaction, and especially Rachel's voice. I was pulled out of the story a bit, though, by "The entire fifth grade will never speak to me again." Because she's going to be in a pageant? Why would that antagonize her classmates?<BR/><BR/>I wouldn't read on because of the use of "retard," but that's just my choice, not a reflection on the writing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-92111318085784735302009-01-14T16:44:00.000-05:002009-01-14T16:44:00.000-05:00Great sisterly conflict and sets the tone for a fu...Great sisterly conflict and sets the tone for a fun and funny read.<BR/><BR/>Dialog was quite comedic.Jaruciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09423622523128180916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40134663882794454452009-01-14T16:28:00.000-05:002009-01-14T16:28:00.000-05:00Sorry - wouldn't read this.It's a personal thing, ...Sorry - wouldn't read this.<BR/><BR/>It's a personal thing, but I have a problem with the word "retard." I know it's popular today, and I think we do our young people a disservice by encouraging it's use.Sissyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06307338341018381050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24187363508731041252009-01-14T14:58:00.000-05:002009-01-14T14:58:00.000-05:00I think you need some tightening here, but I like ...I think you need some tightening here, but I like the clawed opening of 'sisterly love'. Good job!Angela Ackermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01808259088625142389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70648340103756031532009-01-14T13:35:00.000-05:002009-01-14T13:35:00.000-05:00I liked it. Hooked. Good voice. Good conflict.I liked it. Hooked. Good voice. Good conflict.Sarah Jensenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18385403676603047861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83551190596955295782009-01-14T13:06:00.000-05:002009-01-14T13:06:00.000-05:00I liked it. There is good dialog, and conflict bet...I liked it. There is good dialog, and conflict between the siblings.<BR/><BR/>HOOKed!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6868193518870219692009-01-14T11:25:00.000-05:002009-01-14T11:25:00.000-05:00Not quite, a few nitpicks.I'd rather see:“Don’t wo...Not quite, a few nitpicks.<BR/>I'd rather see:<BR/>“Don’t worry. Even if you don’t win, you still have a sister that’s a winner!” Rachel smiled sweetly and twirled her long, blond hair around her finger.Julie Butcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15055134290787317245noreply@blogger.com