tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6386429688996563009..comments2024-03-19T07:38:28.530-04:00Comments on Authoress: 22 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87075264424196455852009-03-21T22:34:00.000-04:002009-03-21T22:34:00.000-04:00Well, I'm NOT a doctor and am now in the middle of...Well, I'm NOT a doctor and am now in the middle of an inferiority complex! That said, here are my layperson observations:<BR/>1. I don't like "A shocker."<BR/>2. No problem jumping in and skipping the doctor/patient formalities.<BR/>3. Why is it a wound infection? Didn't he have his appendix out? Is that really called a wound in the medical world?<BR/>4. I agree that the first sentence in paragraph three doesn't work but i really liked the rest of the paragraph.<BR/><BR/>This isn't my genre but I'd probably read this once I started - there's enough there to hook me.Susannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16681784522182360769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86215672945604192152009-03-21T21:18:00.000-04:002009-03-21T21:18:00.000-04:00Thanks Locksley. Suspend away! After all, this is ...Thanks Locksley. Suspend away! After all, this is fiction, not a medical textbook. If I described every little thing from the time Julia was asked to see the patient, you'd all be asleep before the end of the first page.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90990487622103591192009-03-21T17:21:00.000-04:002009-03-21T17:21:00.000-04:00Hooked (with pus blobbing out like a stomped on tu...Hooked (with pus blobbing out like a stomped on tube of toothpaste).<BR/>Interesting is all the med. opinions here. I’d suspend disbelief if I saw your credentials on the back cover or in a query (I’m not an agent). I think the David reference can only lead to testing the romantic waters, or the doctor’s dr.-patient ethics. like your title says, "Unhealthy Obsession." You can have a lot of fun with this. Best of luck. I like your voice.RW Richardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08473786472219141232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38664483267513759942009-03-21T17:06:00.000-04:002009-03-21T17:06:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.RW Richardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08473786472219141232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85226743058682451482009-03-20T17:50:00.000-04:002009-03-20T17:50:00.000-04:00I hope it's okay for me to comment here. Thanks Se...I hope it's okay for me to comment here. Thanks Secret Agent and other critters for your invaluable comments. Yes, it is a medical book - involving antibiotic-resistant bacteria.<BR/>As for getting medical feedback - well, I am a doctor, specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of infectious diseases, who sees patients like this every week. Pus is my day job. LOL.<BR/>Thanks again. It's a lot of fun, and extremely helpful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12941040591011550012009-03-20T16:07:00.000-04:002009-03-20T16:07:00.000-04:00My first try at this was eaten by Blogger, so I'll...My first try at this was eaten by Blogger, so I'll try again:<BR/><BR/>I am wary of this, given the issues that health care professionals here had with the language. I also thought it was verging on gross for gross sake (which can be fine, and has a long and respected tradition; but two uses of Pus in 5 paragraphs is at least one Pus too many!)<BR/><BR/>I also want to know a little more context about the victim--particularly whether he's been brought to the hospital willingly or unwillingly. If this is viral-medical, OK, that's one kind of book. If he's there because he's been attacked because he's a spy, that's another. If this is a more conventional thriller, I think some of the gore can go--it's gratuitous. If it's a MEDICAL book, then it's OK.<BR/><BR/>SAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6267678203656050982009-03-20T12:58:00.000-04:002009-03-20T12:58:00.000-04:00Sorry, but I'm in healthcare and I was totally tur...Sorry, but I'm in healthcare and I was totally turned off by the unrealistic protrayal of the MC. No real doc or nurse would think, say or react this way...not professional or clinical. I would immediately think, here's someone who needs to do a little research. I would suggest getting someone in the medical field to read it over.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29139983996994050252009-03-20T02:08:00.000-04:002009-03-20T02:08:00.000-04:00Gnarly...but I'm intrigued.Gnarly...but I'm intrigued.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35655553688413640092009-03-19T15:34:00.000-04:002009-03-19T15:34:00.000-04:00I like how you open this, but the actual opening s...I like how you open this, but the actual opening sentence didn't grab me--I like something a little more "global" or thematic, something that will set the tone for the entire book. This sentence seems kind of small and specific. But you get to the info right away and set up a nice conflict. I don't quite get the graffiti comment--is the patient attractive? Need more description of him vs. the wound if that's the case.<BR/><BR/>Couple of small things: would she introduce herself? This seems like the first time they've met. What's an "abbatoir" and "palpated?" Did the appendix leak REAL bugs or "germs?" Would they know so soon after the operation that the antibiotics aren't working? Seems like the guy is just waking up after surgery, implying that not much time has passed. Would there be decay so soon?<BR/><BR/>I like that she's hiding from "personal tragedy," but could use another line or two to tease us more specifically, since I'm thinking this is critical to the conflict/plot. Good luck in moving forward!Bill Cokashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16100840155626191109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38478352198674436282009-03-18T22:58:00.000-04:002009-03-18T22:58:00.000-04:00Definitely hooked! Good voice, good tension, and ...Definitely hooked! Good voice, good tension, and I like the wave you wove in that something further was going on in Julia's life. I'd absolutely read on!LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21957997427736566452009-03-18T22:26:00.001-04:002009-03-18T22:26:00.001-04:00That's good, by the way, did I make that clear?!That's good, by the way, did I make that clear?!McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24334003558883769522009-03-18T22:26:00.000-04:002009-03-18T22:26:00.000-04:00Fabulously high 'eew' factor and a hint of persona...Fabulously high 'eew' factor and a hint of personal drama. You've got me.McKoalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01457446171624585099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78852874345796254512009-03-18T17:40:00.000-04:002009-03-18T17:40:00.000-04:00Gross! Yeah, I'd keep going, but gross! I don't ...Gross! Yeah, I'd keep going, but gross! I don't like the line where she asks herself a question (or the narrator asks, or whatever). Show me her personal tragedy and trust that I'm smart enough to figure out she's a work-addict avoiding her personal life. Other than that, I really like your writing.sonjahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08631391506006475925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2584952714265559082009-03-18T17:14:00.000-04:002009-03-18T17:14:00.000-04:00I'm with HL Dyer on this one, since I'm a physicia...I'm with HL Dyer on this one, since I'm a physician. That's why I don't watch medical TV shows, cause I nitpick too much. In the opening I need less detail about the wound and more of the conflicts in the doctor's mind. There was a hint, but just barely.DCShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03125613995070496696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6071514549636425352009-03-18T16:42:00.000-04:002009-03-18T16:42:00.000-04:00Nicely done :)You've done a good job of creating a...Nicely done :)<BR/><BR/>You've done a good job of creating a personna for your MC very quickly - she comes across as intelligent and dedicated, but with a bit of a quirky side. Good jobAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60701525590223803022009-03-18T16:20:00.000-04:002009-03-18T16:20:00.000-04:00Hooked. Good luck!Hooked. Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39123953380227327142009-03-18T15:15:00.000-04:002009-03-18T15:15:00.000-04:00I was hooked by the grossness factor at first. I a...I was hooked by the grossness factor at first. I also didn't like the "A shocker" line. If it's such a shock, show it don't tell it.<BR/><BR/>I think you have great descriptions here. It sounds like you know what you're talking about with the medical related stuff, which makes me trust you and want to read more. I like Julia already.Michelle D. Argylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09696465137285587646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11562596693090591712009-03-18T15:14:00.000-04:002009-03-18T15:14:00.000-04:00I should preface this comment by saying that, as a...I should preface this comment by saying that, as a physician, I may read this differently than most readers.<BR/><BR/>The first thing that struck me was the comparison of the wound to graffiti on David. This comparison doesn't work for me, unless the doctor has the hots for the patient. Graffiti on David is shocking and awful to picture not because the graffiti is so awful, but because David is a work of art.<BR/><BR/>I like your patient's response. He's snarky and clever. And I like the little glimpse into Julia's personal life.<BR/><BR/>But the backstory reveal through Julia's dialog doesn't work for me. A doctor would never start removing a dressing from a conscious patient before explaining who she was and why she was making a beeline for his wounded belly. And I agree with Nikki... Julia's dialog does not fit the scenario. <BR/><BR/>If enough time has passed to determine that "standard antibiotics aren't working" then, it's been at least 24 - 48 hours, and the patient would certainly know that he'd had a ruptured appendix. So the first two sentences would be extremely out of place. She might say something like, "A ruptured appendix can be pretty serious." or something consistent with both she and the patient knowing what happened.<BR/><BR/>The third sentence is an appropriate statement for an ID doc to say to the patient, but before she starts digging in to the actual wound. And it doesn't work in answer to the patient's question.<BR/><BR/>Incidentally, if the wound was as infected as it seems, most likely they wouldn't have stapled it shut.<BR/><BR/>Analysis of the pus isn't going to be especially helpful. What she'd want to collect here is a "culture" of the pus. And she would probably hedge that statement with the fact that cultures are much less reliable after a patient receives antibiotics. Even if the antibiotics aren't working well, they usually have enough effect to stop the bacteria from growing outside the body environment (it's much harder to grow bacteria in a lab than in the body).<BR/><BR/>Good luck with this!H. L. Dyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11054946734073372817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90166441599828508182009-03-18T14:16:00.000-04:002009-03-18T14:16:00.000-04:00Random question - why did he have flushed cheeks i...Random question - why did he have flushed cheeks if he's in a lot of pain? I always thought people turn gray or pale. :]<BR/><BR/>Good detail here - ook. Reminds me yet again why the medical field never appealed to me. :PCate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4769836306876252582009-03-18T13:03:00.000-04:002009-03-18T13:03:00.000-04:00You have some nice descriptions in here. In the fi...You have some nice descriptions in here. <BR/><BR/>In the first paragraph, the sentence "A shocker." seemed redundent to me and detracted from the next sentence which was great.<BR/><BR/>Maybe consider tightening up the dialogue in paragraph three to make the flow a bit punchier and less like an insert of information for the reader (could just be me). For example, "Your appendix burst. Standard antibiotics aren't working." <BR/><BR/>Minor nitpick: I've worked in many medical settings and when a consultant is called in (as your main character is in this case) they always explain to the patient who they are and why they are there before starting the exam. Maybe work in that she is a consultant differently? <BR/><BR/>Nice job and good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81593551919277393082009-03-18T12:46:00.000-04:002009-03-18T12:46:00.000-04:00I thought this was perfect. I'd certainly keep re...I thought this was perfect. I'd certainly keep reading, even though I generally don't read Medical-related works.<BR/><BR/>Oh, and I have to disagree with Nikki -- I think the level of exposition in the third paragraph was about right, and pretty much exactly what I'd expect from a doctor.<BR/><BR/>Sorry I couldn't find anything to nitpick!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6677300514853233172009-03-18T12:41:00.000-04:002009-03-18T12:41:00.000-04:00I really liked the opening paragraph here. I'm a t...I really liked the opening paragraph here. I'm a total sucker for anything medical, and I loved the comparison to the statue of David. <BR/><BR/>I can't really comment on the medical side because I'm not a doctor, but what did stick out to me was the third paragraph. Julia tells the patient what his condition is - but to me, it felt like this was just inserted to convey information to the reader. I mean, shouldn't this guy already be pretty aware of what's going on, particularly if his surgeon has referred him? And where's this guy's regular doctor?Nikki Hootmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07822374543666736547noreply@blogger.com