tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6430656686242979872..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 13 SECRET AGENT: Are You Hooked?Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83217562915834896352008-11-15T15:15:00.000-05:002008-11-15T15:15:00.000-05:00This is very good. The voice is fresh, the humor c...This is very good. The voice is fresh, the humor comes aross naturally, without seeming at all forced.<BR/><BR/>There is a bit of a disconnect, however, between the comment about her heart pound with fear and the general light-heartedness of the rest of the piece. Clarify that.<BR/><BR/>I also agree that the first paragraph needs to be tweaked slightly so the reader knows that we are reading Lexi's POV.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12752274782038914422008-11-14T20:34:00.000-05:002008-11-14T20:34:00.000-05:00The first paragraph was dense and felt totally dif...The first paragraph was dense and felt totally different than the following lines.<BR/><BR/>So...not quite hooked, sorry.Carolyn Kaufman | @CMKaufmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07715666518147779502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69425484049384054402008-11-14T00:01:00.000-05:002008-11-14T00:01:00.000-05:00LOVE that last line. Interesting set up. I'm not...LOVE that last line. Interesting set up. I'm not sure if I'm hooked quite yet, but I'd probably read until the end of the chapter to see if plot/tension is introduced.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64582526687183722882008-11-13T22:40:00.000-05:002008-11-13T22:40:00.000-05:00Cute. I like the little hints dropped in. I'd read...Cute. I like the little hints dropped in. I'd read on.Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10810590407001594471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32435729064458751362008-11-13T15:54:00.000-05:002008-11-13T15:54:00.000-05:00I'm liking this so far, lots of potential. I love...I'm liking this so far, lots of potential. I love that everyone else moved to Disney.Andie Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00936134794483184082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28390315095797791362008-11-13T13:06:00.000-05:002008-11-13T13:06:00.000-05:00I got stuck on the first line, but that might be b...I got stuck on the first line, but that might be because I live near Dallas and there aren't any castles here. If you take that out (which I'm guessing you probably can't), I like the rest of it.<BR/><BR/><BR/>brimfireAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45856719089676764702008-11-13T11:51:00.000-05:002008-11-13T11:51:00.000-05:00The first paragraph comes across as omniscient vie...The first paragraph comes across as omniscient viewpoint, then you switch to third. <BR/><BR/>Since omniscient isn't used much these days, I'd make it clearer that you are in the heroine's head in that first paragraph.Marilynn Byerlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16720129999636676998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71590523518371603382008-11-13T11:42:00.000-05:002008-11-13T11:42:00.000-05:00Yes, I liked. I really enjoyed your voice. :)Yes, I liked. I really enjoyed your voice. :)Danyelle L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10366276085080565870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53490836819204273712008-11-13T11:37:00.000-05:002008-11-13T11:37:00.000-05:00It doesn't do anything for me, but that may be bec...It doesn't do anything for me, but that may be because Romance is not my cup of tea.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9793278181105204922008-11-13T11:15:00.000-05:002008-11-13T11:15:00.000-05:00No, I'm sorry... :#[No, I'm sorry... :#[Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39571813141465096072008-11-13T10:22:00.000-05:002008-11-13T10:22:00.000-05:00The last line wraps it up really well! I'm not so ...The last line wraps it up really well! I'm not so sure about some of the wording, and the transition between whatever was bothering Lexi to her speaking with Cara was a bit rocky, but overall I'd say I'd keep reading.sraaschhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02960364630183418763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40328008876087576302008-11-13T10:11:00.000-05:002008-11-13T10:11:00.000-05:00You had me at 'world's ugliest castle.'You had me at 'world's ugliest castle.'S.J.Kincaidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14159000802250378161noreply@blogger.com