tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6518513252156686263..comments2024-03-18T12:01:18.507-04:00Comments on Authoress: #3 Baby Slushpile: AMELIA AND THE OTHER WORLDSAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41715204512226996282012-07-04T17:27:46.991-04:002012-07-04T17:27:46.991-04:00I love this, even though I must agree that it'...I love this, even though I must agree that it's not the proper starting place. <br /><br />And does Rigby have to die? Sniff, sniff!<br /><br />I'm not a fan of starting with burial scenes, even if for a dog. Too cliched, too sad, not sure if it's the best way to hook the young'ens. Would starting with Amelia's jump into time work? Maybe a rough landing? Her reason for wanting to time travel or the discovery of?I don't know. Just make it work so I can read the darn thing, 'cause I like it!DJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14359760998871484565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88682026673116284932012-07-04T12:59:57.672-04:002012-07-04T12:59:57.672-04:00Thank you for taking the time to respond. Great id...Thank you for taking the time to respond. Great ideas and I'm already working on it :)maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03882782989222672409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34210387263798171572012-07-04T12:27:07.396-04:002012-07-04T12:27:07.396-04:00I don't think you should start with Rigby aliv...I don't think you should start with Rigby alive again - I think that's backed up too far. the farthest I would go would maybe be visiting his grave, which would say it all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29083809806796227002012-07-04T09:52:40.822-04:002012-07-04T09:52:40.822-04:00Don't back up too far, and don't forget to...Don't back up too far, and don't forget to add some foreshadowing. That can create conflict for the initial scene and help you to get into the flow.Katharina Gerlachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00223722392075669331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10345613120711135822012-07-04T06:30:11.724-04:002012-07-04T06:30:11.724-04:00Thank you everyone for the great comments. I had c...Thank you everyone for the great comments. I had critiquers suggest I start with Rigby alive again, but I'm going back to rework. I appreciate your input very much.maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03882782989222672409noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68204542217014527842012-07-03T22:44:33.757-04:002012-07-03T22:44:33.757-04:00Yeah, usually people start too early, but I think ...Yeah, usually people start too early, but I think you're starting too late. I can't say for sure since I don't know how the story plays out and I don't know MG, but I actually think you may even need to start as early as the dog's death/burial (though it may be tricky to open with a sadder scene). Alternately, if there is a distinct moment of "crossing over", that's another option. I think the key here is to pinpoint an exact moment of change or the one event everything else snowballs from. (i.e. if the stuff with the dog is all preliminary, then pushing the opening back <i>even later</i> might work too. But it really depends on what you're doing with the rest of the story and what kind of tone you're going for.)<br /><br />Otherwise the pacing right now overall feels off. Like everyone else has said, it's not emotionally convincing and doesn't give me any confidence that the rest of the story will proceed smoothly, especially given such an intricate premise! It's a story that I expect will require a delicate balancing act, and I'm not seeing that here.T. E. Watershttp://www.tewaters.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56733232158649609812012-07-03T22:14:32.591-04:002012-07-03T22:14:32.591-04:00I agree with everyone above. I *think* you were tr...I agree with everyone above. I *think* you were trying to start in the action, because everyone's been told to do that too many times. Like others have said, I haven't built up any sympathy for Amelia to care about her dog coming back.<br /><br />I want to experience the mystery and the journey with Amelia as it happens, that way it will pack the most emotional punch.<br /><br />Love the idea.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52580028951574289392012-07-03T19:59:16.076-04:002012-07-03T19:59:16.076-04:00I agree with those who said the story starts in th...I agree with those who said the story starts in the wrong place. It's too sudden for me - the dog is returned before we even know Amelia is in mourning over it's death.lindsay kitsonhttp://lindsaykitson.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40096143016172797572012-07-03T14:06:13.988-04:002012-07-03T14:06:13.988-04:00I agree with macoronipants. I think you may have s...I agree with macoronipants. I think you may have started in the wrong place. I would love to see Amelia in her world and get a sense of who she is, before I see her in the other world. You do a lot of telling us how Amelia’s regular world is different from the current world she is in, and as a result I don’t really feel anything along with her. <br /><br />I was also a little confused at the way this excerpt left off. Amelia seems to accept the idea of other worlds and another Amelia a little too easily. She questions it for a minute, and then all the sudden she’s already trying to think of ways to come back and visit her dog, which I didn’t completely buy into. But I still absolutely love this concept!Stephanie Garberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05418429225626297957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18601013402785368392012-07-03T13:52:44.446-04:002012-07-03T13:52:44.446-04:00This is a variation of "waking up from a drea...This is a variation of "waking up from a dream" for me and is too common of a place to start - which makes me question your scene choices going forward. Plus it's a bit confusing.<br /><br />With a novel like this - I think you need to start with the family and how things are before they change. You can take a few pages to set this up, the loss of the dog, the family dynamic - good or bad - so we get a hint of the MC's arc, hints of things not being quite right so the reader gets a sense of the story to come. What you have here reads more like chapter two.Tracy Holczerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626923883424982455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57377594279899798492012-07-03T13:06:43.980-04:002012-07-03T13:06:43.980-04:00I like this, but I wish you would consider present...I like this, but I wish you would consider presenting the opening in chronological order. Start with her coming into the house for a drink and go forward from there. Having to flash back and explain how she got to this point after only a few paragraphs disrupts the flow of the narrative. But the concept is good and I would give it a few more pages.Abbe Hoggannoreply@blogger.com