tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6592615750392032586..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: February Secret Agent #15Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86298140614459526562012-02-20T08:03:33.420-05:002012-02-20T08:03:33.420-05:00First line is a good hook, especially for YA. Unfo...First line is a good hook, especially for YA. Unfortunately the second paragraph isn't focused enough to really pull me in. I'd like to see focus on the scar and its portent and while your imagery is good, its not personal enough- remote to the 'internal/personal' tone you set in your first sentence. Can you connect the need to run with the portent, otherwise going for a run is ordinary.<br /><br />I like the premise. It's intriguing and you've done a good job establishing her relationship with her parents. Tighten and focus on the non-ordinary without giving anything away.<br /><br />I'd definitely like to read more.SMKraftynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83625792001371138952012-02-18T13:42:03.035-05:002012-02-18T13:42:03.035-05:00I think you've accomplished a lot in 250! Grea...I think you've accomplished a lot in 250! Great job!Carmenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01502915116446772081noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40392344204624580282012-02-18T11:49:26.900-05:002012-02-18T11:49:26.900-05:00You start off saying how she fails at ordinary, an...You start off saying how she fails at ordinary, and the first two sentences agree with that, but the rest of the scene doesn’t feel so out of the ordinary, except for the tingling scar. Is there something else that could happen in this scene that points to the peculiar? Or perhaps she can tell the reader that even though she fails at ordinary she still strives for it?<br /><br />Overall though, it is a good first scene. The texts between her and her dad are great and you’ve nailed the voice.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42883957183037856092012-02-17T03:26:31.543-05:002012-02-17T03:26:31.543-05:00I love the Dad's texts and your description of...I love the Dad's texts and your description of Mom's curls. I felt like the list about "ordinary" got too long by the third sentence in the first paragraph, though.<br /><br />You did a nice job showing us the conflict about Dad and his job without resorting to a heavy info-dump.<br /><br />I'd read on.Celestahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08445617947839984701noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40507773503828877832012-02-15T19:44:42.303-05:002012-02-15T19:44:42.303-05:00I definitely want to know what's with that pai...I definitely want to know what's with that pain! And the first line is wonderful, but I don't get how she fails at ordinary (I'm guessing you address that later though).Alleged Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04869021184116123477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-987011678671374952012-02-15T11:23:58.673-05:002012-02-15T11:23:58.673-05:00Intriguing! I get the feeling the dad's a litt...Intriguing! I get the feeling the dad's a little crazy based on his texts and I'd read on to find out more about him and the MC's scar.<br /><br />When I read the title, I thought this was going to be a romance :)Tessa Dnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27448061764327392602012-02-15T11:02:57.418-05:002012-02-15T11:02:57.418-05:00I like her relationship with her parents. Very swe...I like her relationship with her parents. Very sweet. I'd read on!Vividhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16003429030895750901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20326580992041908852012-02-15T10:41:17.203-05:002012-02-15T10:41:17.203-05:00Really love that I can tell the relationship betwe...Really love that I can tell the relationship between the MC and her Dad via text message. Rings very true for a teen voice.<br /><br />Good luck!!!Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.com