tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6818018738301581959..comments2024-03-19T03:20:39.801-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #28Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33887333090656562312015-03-14T21:11:22.767-04:002015-03-14T21:11:22.767-04:00I love the beautiful language and imagery you'...I love the beautiful language and imagery you've evoked. I also love the title and think it's perfect for YA Contemporary. This does read like a prologue, so I'm assuming that it is. I would love to get a glimpse of who the main characters will be - whether it's one of the girls or all six. Other than that, great!ACS14https://www.blogger.com/profile/16870927286990699116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13580955677871441462015-03-14T14:38:00.424-04:002015-03-14T14:38:00.424-04:00This is really beautiful! Your voice is lyrical an...This is really beautiful! Your voice is lyrical and evocative. Plus, I'm a sucker for stories that take place near the ocean--that's one of my weaknesses. I would definitely keep reading! I would just recommend doing one more line edit polish because I spotted a few minor errors. That said, nicely done! Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11377616055113655382015-03-13T16:43:22.906-04:002015-03-13T16:43:22.906-04:00It reads like a prologue to me....a one page set u...It reads like a prologue to me....a one page set up before the story begins. If it is, then I would have a different reaction to it and be more patient with it. If it is the opening of chapter 1 then it might be wise to focus on one character specifically as a way to ground the reader....."six friends" is too vague to feel invested in. I assume there is a MC so maybe intro her right up front.<br />I did not get a YA feel to it from this excerpt<br /><br />-Daniel<br />danielmaclainewriting.blogspot.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61644228067760270462015-03-13T16:35:58.209-04:002015-03-13T16:35:58.209-04:00I love the beautiful language here and would keep ...I love the beautiful language here and would keep reading on for that alone. I also would like to see a bit more tension in this opening section, though. It's poetic and lovely, but could use something a bit more specific to anchor the conflict and story that is to follow.Dollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01234333432020422776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46348510267148436492015-03-12T12:12:33.361-04:002015-03-12T12:12:33.361-04:00The writing in this is really beautiful and evocat...The writing in this is really beautiful and evocative, but I'm having trouble finding narrative tension in this excerpt. It has a lovely feeling of time moving and life changing, but I'm not feeling a lot of forward momentum. <br /><br />Also this line : But you can’t drop something into the ocean and expect it to come out unchanged. is absolutely gorgeous. I love it. amandamarienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60251768007807754112015-03-11T16:52:32.429-04:002015-03-11T16:52:32.429-04:00I like the beginning - it does indeed sound like a...I like the beginning - it does indeed sound like a fantasy or fairy tale, but isn't that what adolescence is all about? <br /><br />In the last paragraph your second and third sentences sound out of sync with the rest. I'm not sure what they're about - I believe your fourth sentence explains them so you don't need them. The last sentence is powerful! I'd read more. Helennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41056178482896243192015-03-11T16:33:13.497-04:002015-03-11T16:33:13.497-04:00I love your last line. Your writing flows quite we...I love your last line. Your writing flows quite well with very pretty imagery and language. If I hadn't seen 'Contemporary YA' at the top of the post, I never would have guessed that as the genre. This opening reads like a fantasy or even a fairy tale. In your third paragraph, the wording is a tad strange- you use 'here' and 'there' to describe the same place.Kimber Leighhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06344815479808361730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88212770795546510982015-03-11T15:06:31.545-04:002015-03-11T15:06:31.545-04:00Poetic language. I love the use of words and the ...Poetic language. I love the use of words and the voice. The sentence structure ebbs and flows like the ocean in front of the girls. <br />Don't think waves continuing to "roll" and "so could the six friends" fit together...do the friends keep rolling? is there a better verb?<br />Love the element of mystery. Want to know what is happening to these six friends and where life has taken each of them. Patricia Nesbittnoreply@blogger.com