tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6881068351454995363..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 19 SECRET AGENT: Are You Hooked?Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68677285736026861602008-11-15T21:39:00.000-05:002008-11-15T21:39:00.000-05:00I'd drop the whole first dream bit. Doesn't drive ...I'd drop the whole first dream bit. Doesn't drive the story forward. <BR/><BR/>Nice voice, almost there. Still needs some tightening up. Not quite hooked.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76005296759498570972008-11-13T23:47:00.000-05:002008-11-13T23:47:00.000-05:00I'm afraid I'm not quite hooked, mostly because of...I'm afraid I'm not quite hooked, mostly because of the opening "dream" paragraphs. If everything that happens next is an actual dream (versus a metaphorical dream), then the narrator looses a lot of their credibility and the reader never knows what to trust or distrust.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45929006917478727162008-11-13T16:44:00.000-05:002008-11-13T16:44:00.000-05:00Definitely like the diner scene. I am curious abo...Definitely like the diner scene. I am curious about how the first bit fits in and would hope it's explained soon. <BR/><BR/>I'd read on.Andie Knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00936134794483184082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29949245173700770472008-11-13T16:23:00.000-05:002008-11-13T16:23:00.000-05:00Nice job!one nitpick: the last line (after comma) ...Nice job!<BR/><BR/>one nitpick: the last line (after comma) feels awkward. i see what you're trying to say, but maybe it could be simpler?<BR/><BR/>(i.e.) it would have pissed me off too. (or something to that effect)Samanthahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09231706346312491242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21426282686275652222008-11-13T15:52:00.000-05:002008-11-13T15:52:00.000-05:00I like the voice and I can feel the MC's tension.I...I like the voice and I can feel the MC's tension.<BR/><BR/>I'd cut 'Until' from this sentence. I' don't think you need it:<BR/><BR/>Until a woman got out, then unhitched her toddler from the backseat.Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182951575531989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28871347572313072652008-11-13T14:33:00.000-05:002008-11-13T14:33:00.000-05:00Yes. I'm still iffy about the first part with the ...Yes. I'm still iffy about the first part with the dream thing. But I like the scene at the restaurant - strong pov.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15671087139599333762008-11-13T12:06:00.000-05:002008-11-13T12:06:00.000-05:00Interesting. I'm half-way hooked.Interesting. I'm half-way hooked.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62530183118254247862008-11-13T11:59:00.000-05:002008-11-13T11:59:00.000-05:00Love the last line about saying those things the "...Love the last line about saying those things the "waitress kept behind her smile." Very clever.<BR/><BR/>The first paragraph has me thrown for a loop. "Not a memoir but a dream..." I don't understand this. Do you need this? With phrases like... "people can kill you without you ever seeing them"... I'm unsure if I'm reading a fairy story -- or an assassin book. <BR/><BR/>The first para is all artsy-farsty/literary and the rest that follows is YA voice. I LOVE the very observant YA voice, the other, not so much.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45032457535138110042008-11-13T11:50:00.000-05:002008-11-13T11:50:00.000-05:00Yes. I love the voice and the premise. I would def...Yes. I love the voice and the premise. I would definitely read on!Danyelle L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10366276085080565870noreply@blogger.com