tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7187534127272671932..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: F2S 29Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28127402316216112812008-12-05T20:21:00.000-05:002008-12-05T20:21:00.000-05:00Ooh! Love the myth angle! I also very much like th...Ooh! Love the myth angle! I also very much like the voice here: Breezy, fun and sooooo eighth grade. :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05740371055384281988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41123482467866257182008-12-04T18:28:00.000-05:002008-12-04T18:28:00.000-05:00I like the tone in this one. Your comment about it...I like the tone in this one. Your comment about it being based on a myth is another hook for me.feywriterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17224558691840388691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71764661224121028992008-12-04T18:19:00.000-05:002008-12-04T18:19:00.000-05:00I like the narrator's voice--very YA. Though I'd ...I like the narrator's voice--very YA. Though I'd suggest not having both the MC's first and last names in the opening line--sounds too forced and not like how people usually think of themselves.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43493590419057473962008-12-04T11:00:00.000-05:002008-12-04T11:00:00.000-05:00I wanted to say thank you for all of the comments!...I wanted to say thank you for all of the comments! This one is mine, and I've really enjoyed reading what you all thought about these sentences.<BR/><BR/>Note about her name: Belle Ravenna is a play on Bellerophon, the Greek myth that the story is based on. However, I've had LOTS of suggestions to change the name because of the Twilight influence...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66666378403494713482008-12-04T10:18:00.000-05:002008-12-04T10:18:00.000-05:00Tee-hee! I love kiddie lit. Or MG as this is. I lo...Tee-hee! I love kiddie lit. Or MG as this is. I love her name and I like the second sentence. The first one is a bit vague and almost unnecessary though. I’d probably scratch it entirely (unless it’s a key theme to your story) and just introduce her name into the second sentence. I like how the voice of the narration sounds like an eighth grade voice.Anette J Kreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15675193405511996480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17755606570489221352008-12-03T22:21:00.000-05:002008-12-03T22:21:00.000-05:00Strong opening. I know the character's name, age, ...Strong opening. I know the character's name, age, mood, and at least one of her hang ups. Pretty impressive for two simple sentences.Opinionatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11546456650917079216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40505394153792489792008-12-03T21:52:00.000-05:002008-12-03T21:52:00.000-05:00Technically this was very strong, but it's not my ...Technically this was very strong, but it's not my thing so I wouldn't read on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50797168252770858892008-12-03T21:21:00.000-05:002008-12-03T21:21:00.000-05:00I like this start. It's typical of teen girl. I'd ...I like this start. It's typical of teen girl. I'd read on to see why she didn't dare do that.Bethlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00399849555406133310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54611331080655822332008-12-03T20:19:00.000-05:002008-12-03T20:19:00.000-05:00I'm not totally sold on the first line about how s...I'm not totally sold on the first line about how she knows, but otherwise I like the voice and would probably read on a bit more.Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2915877499067864602008-12-03T20:06:00.000-05:002008-12-03T20:06:00.000-05:00Not sure about the "Matt Holland X 2" - but I like...Not sure about the "Matt Holland X 2" - but I like this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82098282518200026932008-12-03T17:50:00.000-05:002008-12-03T17:50:00.000-05:00This seems like a strong opening, but "Belle" just...This seems like a strong opening, but "Belle" just seems a bit too much like Twilight to me... I wouldn't be surprised if you thought this story up before Bella and Twilight, but with it so popular at the moment, consider giving your character a more unique name.Ardythhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15379643762791779892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55557293138184616282008-12-03T14:29:00.000-05:002008-12-03T14:29:00.000-05:00The second sentence could be tightened a bit witho...The second sentence could be tightened a bit without losing any of the emotion. But it's a great start to what sounds like a fun story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28150524871049965162008-12-03T14:28:00.000-05:002008-12-03T14:28:00.000-05:00I'd read on -- voice is fun, mood is fun, writing ...I'd read on -- voice is fun, mood is fun, writing is strong.<BR/><BR/>Though I'm not a YA fan or a romance buff, so I may not get far if things don't catch fire :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15772115162429818530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66358804792136958342008-12-03T14:15:00.000-05:002008-12-03T14:15:00.000-05:00Nice start. I would keep reading.Nice start. I would keep reading.Barbara Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00610140328527165017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81718531136496014782008-12-03T13:49:00.000-05:002008-12-03T13:49:00.000-05:00I'm sorry, but that first sentence sounded a bit t...I'm sorry, but that first sentence sounded a bit too much like the back cover of Twilight...<BR/><BR/>:) TerriTerriRainerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301763290901887933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81587256957136391672008-12-03T13:39:00.000-05:002008-12-03T13:39:00.000-05:00Not bad. Cute, gutsy YA voice. I'd keep reading.Not bad. Cute, gutsy YA voice. I'd keep reading.JS Bangshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09380732454877495290noreply@blogger.com