tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7198789880247785119..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: May Secret Agent #43Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28616094986462130072012-05-12T12:35:15.190-04:002012-05-12T12:35:15.190-04:00Perhaps tell this as it happens. Start with parg ...Perhaps tell this as it happens. Start with parg four and let the story play out rather than telling us about it after the fact. It brings the reader closer. I wondered why he’s afraid of his father. Perhaps tell us. And where did the altar come from? Perhaps mention it as he enters the clearing.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30789144803503626242012-05-10T16:46:55.790-04:002012-05-10T16:46:55.790-04:00I'm not sold on the faun concept. Even with th...I'm not sold on the faun concept. Even with the marketplace flooded with vampires, werewolves, and ghouls, there's a reason why those things sell. They're dangerous, thrilling, and sexy (okay, maybe not the ghouls). You need to establish the voice immediately--a faun story, to me, would be humorous, so you need to give us our expectations immediately, or flip it on its head.<br /><br />The flashback makes the reader have to wait to get to the good stuff. I want to be plopped down in the middle of his life right away. I have a feelings his parents are a bit eccentric, and I'd love to see that in everyday life--here, I'm not sure whether to like them or trust them; why wouldn't they prepare him at all for this point in his life, not even enough to know what panpipes are?Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41276021643414509002012-05-10T09:25:00.629-04:002012-05-10T09:25:00.629-04:00Like everyone else, I'm intrigued by the conce...Like everyone else, I'm intrigued by the concept of Fauns. I would read on.Melanie_McCulloughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11213890345447774544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76507188939696037222012-05-10T07:34:04.492-04:002012-05-10T07:34:04.492-04:00I like the faun concept. Is this a prologue, and s...I like the faun concept. Is this a prologue, and soon after, we jump to present day? However, as it is an interesting concept, I am intrigued to see how fauns fit in modern day society and blend with the humans.Mia K Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10559392161390047500noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70829771348630139712012-05-10T06:33:19.173-04:002012-05-10T06:33:19.173-04:00I like this. I suggest starting with "I made...I like this. I suggest starting with "I made the change..." That's intriguing and where I felt hooked. The reader's curiosity about what the MC changes into will keep them reading. Nice job!RaeChellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07661557579359565390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81658267379517043792012-05-10T04:04:48.807-04:002012-05-10T04:04:48.807-04:00Fauns? What a great idea.
I think your piece flows...Fauns? What a great idea.<br />I think your piece flows well and does exactlywhat an opening needs to do: gets the reader wanting to find out more. I'd like to know how fauns fit into modern society and what their role is. And how they keep their hairy legs hidden on warm summer days, or whether they keep the local waxing business in profit. Ok, just kidding. Great job.Jo-Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15705983780352542190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59425835174416383772012-05-09T17:23:37.904-04:002012-05-09T17:23:37.904-04:00I think this is original and well-written.
In t...I think this is original and well-written. <br /><br />In that 3rd sentence, you clarify, "that woodland sprite out of Roman lore," which leads me to believe this tale takes place within our world, or at the very least, one much like it, in a time far enough into the future (like our present, maybe) to have a "Roman lore?" If not, watch out for that. Make sure your comparisons are appropriate for the knowledge of your MC. (just a thought... I'll trust that you've already considered this ;)<br /><br />Otherwise, very tension-building, and I would absolutely keep reading. Who are "they?" What's going to happen in this strange ceremony? This definitely pulls you in.A. K. Francishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12601483975976721767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77264554049508528152012-05-09T13:02:46.065-04:002012-05-09T13:02:46.065-04:00Oh my goodness, I would definitely read on! My onl...Oh my goodness, I would definitely read on! My only 'nit'--only because I've spent my life avoiding the word 'was' in fiction--lies in "I was bundled." Someone always <i>acts</i>. "Mother and Father bundled me into the car and brought me..." <br /><br />I love this so much! I can't tell you how cool this is.<br /><br />I instantly shied away when I saw the word 'vampire.' I had to recover a little before I saw the word 'not.' So I understand both sides of the 'second sentence' debate. Some of us have strong reactions against 'vampire.'<br /><br />Thank-you so much for sharing!Petre Panhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09116806277306186024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45356903557149861212012-05-09T12:12:00.062-04:002012-05-09T12:12:00.062-04:00I actually like the second sentence. I assume tha...I actually like the second sentence. I assume that we find out more about the current situation soon. I would definitely read to find out more.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08252890741829487017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13329148567963190062012-05-09T11:52:26.892-04:002012-05-09T11:52:26.892-04:00What is this person doing now? You begin the story...What is this person doing now? You begin the story in a flashback. What is happening that the faun is thinking back already?<br /><br />And I think you could get rid of the second sentence and go right into what the protag. is.Alicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14640032121885343233noreply@blogger.com