tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7248019689734600414..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talking Heads #9Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86168927369890921162014-03-18T22:00:11.306-04:002014-03-18T22:00:11.306-04:00I like this! The dialogue is very natural and I fe...I like this! The dialogue is very natural and I felt like these two had known each other for a long time. Everything flowed naturally, and I actually found myself laughing along with them!Aightballhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10706831888613374173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16887183209000578832014-03-18T21:47:27.567-04:002014-03-18T21:47:27.567-04:00This flows well. I agree that the hesitation can b...This flows well. I agree that the hesitation can be shown with a more specific body action, especially if it ties in setting. I had a hard time wondering why either knitting or reading graphic novels were confessions, but that's because I do both of those things. The living in a basement and reference to cosplay/costumes feels expected and a little cheap, (airplane food is bad, am I right? *cue laughtrack*), but then again, I also go to comic cons. I suppose it depends on the characters and your overall story, but I just thought I would mention this for a wider scope. The writing itself moves along very nicely!Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64399348204513515352014-03-18T13:33:40.637-04:002014-03-18T13:33:40.637-04:00I enjoyed the exchange. It was very cute, and I th...I enjoyed the exchange. It was very cute, and I think the narrative is strong. I get their connection right away.<br /><br />The first lines had a bit of awkwardness for me. He says he's got one and then hesitates... but there's nothing there to show the hesitation--she asks for it immediately and then says he took long enough. So apparently, the hesitating came before... I don't know. It just seemed out of order.<br /><br />There is a little repetition I think you could cut. She says she knits, and he says, "like knitting?" I think it'd be stronger to just start with the "Like grandma..." part. And "I don't think it's that weird," followed closely by, "It's not that weird," where I think it'd be fine to just say, "You just don't look the type."<br /><br />Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89672818066569230752014-03-18T13:07:21.872-04:002014-03-18T13:07:21.872-04:00Cute interchange here!
I'd like to see a lit...Cute interchange here! <br /><br />I'd like to see a little more body movement and setting in the scene. I'm not sure where they are, other than Roy sitting in a chair, and the spoon/napkin/empty cups. I realize what comes before may explain, but consider adding a little here and there to continue to paint a picture for the reader. <br />All the best with it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16519250456239966742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56868030306975025862014-03-18T11:59:42.765-04:002014-03-18T11:59:42.765-04:00Cute and flirty. Watch repetitive words. Too many ...Cute and flirty. Watch repetitive words. Too many "just"s -- you can probably take out most of them. Also, too many "knitting"s in a row, which made me lose focus. I do like the line "So you could make me a sweater with a reindeer on it?" Made me smile. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53850215079339238922014-03-18T09:35:23.950-04:002014-03-18T09:35:23.950-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.louisakleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16541235959602674561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70117262208561635532014-03-18T09:19:02.170-04:002014-03-18T09:19:02.170-04:00This is cute and funny. I know we're not suppo...This is cute and funny. I know we're not supposed to cheerlead, but I don't know any way to make it better. The lines are short and clever, and there's an enduring innocence to the conversation, and I want to get to know them both.Lanettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09987748870291077638noreply@blogger.com