tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7278249187714507447..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #27Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19802023844796576022015-01-16T10:51:01.563-05:002015-01-16T10:51:01.563-05:00This is a unique opening, giving us a sense of pla...This is a unique opening, giving us a sense of place, character, and voice without feeling like you’re trying to give us all of that at once. Although it’s a bit overemphasized about the fact that she’s single, she had a ring, Mark was her ex—all getting across the same idea in the first 250. The name of the taco shack is great, by the way.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70912910107299122732015-01-14T14:13:30.628-05:002015-01-14T14:13:30.628-05:00I agree with nataliewwrites that you don't nee...I agree with nataliewwrites that you don't need the first few words of dialogue because her actions explain enough. I was a little confused with the line about "with a little imagination" can she not see the tan line? Maybe I missed something. Overall, however, I like where this is going. My favorite line is the line about never having a taste of sugar. I think it's a clever way of comparing. I also really like the contrast between her Mark. I think it gives insight into some reasons why perhaps they aren't together anymore. I'm assuming the taco stand is at some resort? I can't imagine newlywed couples would frequent city taco stands very much. I think this is a great opening to a story. It gives the reader a sense of what is going on without giving too much backstory. BrandyM.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52409997193319663582015-01-14T14:07:14.567-05:002015-01-14T14:07:14.567-05:00I was about to say "I love it as is" but...I was about to say "I love it as is" but then I read nataliewrites comment and I think she's right. Just get rid of the "Here you go" and I think you're golden. Seriously. I wouldn't change anything else. And VOICE...the voice in this excerpt is awesome. Kristinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84752158666642378782015-01-14T12:24:06.325-05:002015-01-14T12:24:06.325-05:00I think this is a good start but maybe cut the loo...I think this is a good start but maybe cut the look at the ring and then the info about the date setting. Too much--can be worked in later. elizabethphttp://penmad.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35009407877712573082015-01-14T11:13:09.942-05:002015-01-14T11:13:09.942-05:00I really like this. My one critique is to cut the...I really like this. My one critique is to cut the dialogue you have for your first line. Just start with, "Sophie smiled..." I get a sense of her voice right away, and you don't need to hear her saying, "Here you go," to understand what's going on in the scene.nataliewwriteshttp://nataliewwrites.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.com