tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7369334445032225416..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Line Grabber #16Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50331645133845830412014-04-14T20:05:56.548-04:002014-04-14T20:05:56.548-04:00Yes! It begs you to keep reading to hear about the...Yes! It begs you to keep reading to hear about the mysteries of the people in this sleepy town.Megannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56821845989186298892014-04-12T12:12:48.090-04:002014-04-12T12:12:48.090-04:00Yes! I love this sentence. The writing is lovely -...Yes! I love this sentence. The writing is lovely - poetic. And you know this town is filled with people who do not nap through life which raises a ton of qustions.I want to know MORE! Helennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61634312435294214452014-04-11T23:53:03.214-04:002014-04-11T23:53:03.214-04:00Yes. Of all the sentences, this one is the one I k...Yes. Of all the sentences, this one is the one I keep coming back to. The subject is mysterious, yet thought provoking. It beckons the reader to uncover more without resorting to clichéd gimmicks. The author seals the deal by using discordant sentence structure to pull the reader further in. I smell a Pulitzer in this one's future. More please.Anna Pruittnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90225869940345896072014-04-11T07:51:58.578-04:002014-04-11T07:51:58.578-04:00No. "content to nap through life" seems ...No. "content to nap through life" seems redundant, making the sentence feel awkward. The sentence doesn't create any emotion, do interesting character building, or create a compelling image.kristine Nhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08202917905756050811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68525168273506673912014-04-10T21:36:19.934-04:002014-04-10T21:36:19.934-04:00No. I tripped up and had to read it a few times. T...No. I tripped up and had to read it a few times. Too many repeated words too close together.jhnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36236325814692213062014-04-10T18:47:41.974-04:002014-04-10T18:47:41.974-04:00No. To Dr. Seuss for me. I tripped over "town...No. To Dr. Seuss for me. I tripped over "towns house" because it's too close to townhouse.don't hate menoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50009021693095779082014-04-10T18:43:40.113-04:002014-04-10T18:43:40.113-04:00No.
You're moralizing in the opening sentence...No.<br /><br />You're moralizing in the opening sentence and I don't want to be taught a lesson. Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65350482045916154242014-04-10T18:34:28.733-04:002014-04-10T18:34:28.733-04:00Yes, with hesitation. I think this could could be ...Yes, with hesitation. I think this could could be reworked a little, but the idea works.Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39990469811746081352014-04-10T16:13:44.410-04:002014-04-10T16:13:44.410-04:00No. I get what you're saying, but there's ...No. I get what you're saying, but there's something about the phrasing that feels clunky. I like that you open with "It's a mistake" but the rest doesn't quite pull me in. I think some tweaking could change that around. Maybe if you get to the punch line of where you're going with this a little faster, like: It's a mistake to think that sleepy towns don't house restless murderers. (or whatever your town houses)Danielle La Pagliahttp://www.daniellelapaglia.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61737462442175266402014-04-10T15:58:24.320-04:002014-04-10T15:58:24.320-04:00Yes, it speaks to me I am from a small townYes, it speaks to me I am from a small townJoshBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10499016502224875962014-04-10T15:54:55.756-04:002014-04-10T15:54:55.756-04:00Yes, the cadence is interesting and unexpected. I ...Yes, the cadence is interesting and unexpected. I makes me want, not only hear the story but, explore the author's style and rhythm.Lee Barkernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56472915082122311892014-04-10T14:33:58.333-04:002014-04-10T14:33:58.333-04:00No. I had to read it a cpl times to understand wha...No. I had to read it a cpl times to understand what it was saying.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18219883647458065443noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73431175686920557852014-04-10T14:20:19.560-04:002014-04-10T14:20:19.560-04:00No. I like the idea, but it was too wordy for me.No. I like the idea, but it was too wordy for me.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15525362690272102453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78592235503672546382014-04-10T09:07:52.028-04:002014-04-10T09:07:52.028-04:00No - Too vague and broad to capture my attention.No - Too vague and broad to capture my attention.therealtwinmomnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86056665578902586332014-04-10T06:19:09.838-04:002014-04-10T06:19:09.838-04:00No. Overdone - trying to too hard. You lost me wit...No. Overdone - trying to too hard. You lost me with "content to nap through life".KayChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16267506508468548195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67869493297200178822014-04-09T21:09:27.072-04:002014-04-09T21:09:27.072-04:00Yes! It conjurs up images of a closed door on ever...Yes! It conjurs up images of a closed door on every house, and makes me wonder what could be happening behind each one of them.jamiebetikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17036880504734525892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68498265381457973612014-04-09T19:14:36.020-04:002014-04-09T19:14:36.020-04:00No.
But this is close. To me, this line would be ...No.<br /><br />But this is close. To me, this line would be much better if it ended after 'sleepy people.' OR...if it had continued on a little longer. But how it finishes as presented here is just not quite right. I think it's partly a rhythm thing for me.JeffOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07947660745120963286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7253347653209716222014-04-09T19:04:54.728-04:002014-04-09T19:04:54.728-04:00Yes! As someone who comes from a small town, I kno...Yes! As someone who comes from a small town, I know the importance of appreciating a little town for all the mystery it can convey! I can't wait to read what these "sleepy people" are restless about. Tori Deenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31400030895154687162014-04-09T18:46:36.296-04:002014-04-09T18:46:36.296-04:00No. Too many "sleepy" words. It needs to...No. Too many "sleepy" words. It needs to be tightened up and include a genre. Is this literary fiction? Kathleeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06087009456072956020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70802479727729539132014-04-09T18:16:17.785-04:002014-04-09T18:16:17.785-04:00Yes! It reminds me of a British mystery story - t...Yes! It reminds me of a British mystery story - the kind of thing I want to spend a rainy afternoon or a flight reading.SteelKittenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02040124391945943022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44495821556843587192014-04-09T18:04:56.482-04:002014-04-09T18:04:56.482-04:00Yes! I am very intrigued. I would love to read the...Yes! I am very intrigued. I would love to read the book that develops out this mysterious little town. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17529218964208595854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57865659380986249172014-04-09T17:20:03.161-04:002014-04-09T17:20:03.161-04:00Yes. I want to know why it is a mistake. I love ...Yes. I want to know why it is a mistake. I love napping!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15690960617152468757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90399867690395028002014-04-09T17:17:59.924-04:002014-04-09T17:17:59.924-04:00No.
The title is intriguing, but the first line d...No.<br /><br />The title is intriguing, but the first line doesn’t grab. I think it’s got potential but something is missing.<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01021888227904891627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50100441563071425082014-04-09T17:06:42.087-04:002014-04-09T17:06:42.087-04:00Yes- a slow start but interesting enough for me to...Yes- a slow start but interesting enough for me to move forwardSMKraftynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30306266815394894022014-04-09T16:54:42.566-04:002014-04-09T16:54:42.566-04:00Yes. In spite of the missing commas, in spite of t...Yes. In spite of the missing commas, in spite of the lecturing tone, in spite of the odd POV, I would like to read the next few sentences to see where this is going. MargotGnoreply@blogger.com