tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7484824955678594452..comments2024-03-18T12:01:18.507-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Line Grabber #29Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18298984090253141632012-02-26T18:08:22.909-05:002012-02-26T18:08:22.909-05:00Yes. Great voice.Yes. Great voice.Lanettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09987748870291077638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23078595636035791872012-02-25T20:07:33.754-05:002012-02-25T20:07:33.754-05:00Yes.
I liked the humor and the voice here. Sure, ...Yes.<br /><br />I liked the humor and the voice here. Sure, there is a bit of cliche in "chart topping" but I would give this a few more sentences to see where this is going.Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09521315180241354286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79466361567362096712012-02-25T18:11:27.695-05:002012-02-25T18:11:27.695-05:00No.
I prefer to avoid bodily fluids in the first ...No.<br /><br />I prefer to avoid bodily fluids in the first line.Abbe Hoggannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2436759115941776292012-02-25T02:30:51.611-05:002012-02-25T02:30:51.611-05:00No. I'm not a fan of 'I knew' for a st...No. I'm not a fan of 'I knew' for a start either. It makes me think this is going to be someone looking back, and I prefer to start in the present rather than with a character telling us things.Bronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13029635239132926178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45290073990538554952012-02-24T20:41:29.550-05:002012-02-24T20:41:29.550-05:00Yes - I liked the humor. Although chart-topping, s...Yes - I liked the humor. Although chart-topping, should probably be chart-toppingly. Which is awkward. I don't know - there's something about that phrase that seems off.Tracy Holczerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626923883424982455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85641744209198023432012-02-24T16:20:26.624-05:002012-02-24T16:20:26.624-05:00No, but I generally don't like books that star...No, but I generally don't like books that start with "I knew it was going to be a bad day when..." it sounds too much like a setup.A Little Pushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08081183739979996879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76894618874929835282012-02-24T14:58:23.500-05:002012-02-24T14:58:23.500-05:00Yes. Sense of forboring, sense of humor, and alrea...Yes. Sense of forboring, sense of humor, and already a clear voice.Danika dinsmorehttp://theaccidentalnovelist.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39902742563758276752012-02-24T13:53:54.170-05:002012-02-24T13:53:54.170-05:00Yes. It could benefit from minor reworking, but ov...Yes. It could benefit from minor reworking, but overall I get the tone.Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30623732808039739982012-02-24T12:20:15.536-05:002012-02-24T12:20:15.536-05:00No.Starting the first sentence with I knew I was.....No.Starting the first sentence with I knew I was...... doesn't work me either...passiveNata Cynthia Artistadonnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09790244390075247862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60701990079930026622012-02-24T09:46:32.847-05:002012-02-24T09:46:32.847-05:00yes. love the voice and the humor, always a grabbe...yes. love the voice and the humor, always a grabber for memjbnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4094950309615603982012-02-24T08:58:06.283-05:002012-02-24T08:58:06.283-05:00Yes. I liked "the kid," and would defini...Yes. I liked "the kid," and would definitely read more to see what's up.geewizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05851827620960530141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28454257895805730902012-02-24T03:50:32.477-05:002012-02-24T03:50:32.477-05:00Yes! It already gives us a taste of the MC's v...Yes! It already gives us a taste of the MC's voice with a little humour. Although, I didn't like the use of, "the kid."Komal Kanthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16474781248936280735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41455767858119821502012-02-24T03:18:20.965-05:002012-02-24T03:18:20.965-05:00No. But only just slightly no. "Chart-topping...No. But only just slightly no. "Chart-topping" lends itself to the narrator's possible voice, which is nice, but "barfed" conjures up images of little children on a playground trying to make fun of and out-gross one another. Perhaps a different word choice?Steph Suhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09834692034486125015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18568959822240922402012-02-24T01:30:35.040-05:002012-02-24T01:30:35.040-05:00Yes. Great voice, and an image I can sympathize wi...Yes. Great voice, and an image I can sympathize with.Beth Hnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14179978219751157482012-02-23T22:23:13.917-05:002012-02-23T22:23:13.917-05:00Yes. I don't like the term "chart-topping...Yes. I don't like the term "chart-topping bad day," but otherwise this is fantastic!Juliahttp://www.juliathewritergirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65687547106587952932012-02-23T19:55:54.330-05:002012-02-23T19:55:54.330-05:00Yes. I didn't like the chart-topping bad day, ...Yes. I didn't like the chart-topping bad day, and I'm not a big fan of barf, but it still worked for me:)Wen Baragreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17741246296963740806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85932258733367105402012-02-23T18:54:21.906-05:002012-02-23T18:54:21.906-05:00Yes.
The voice is clear and engaging, with just e...Yes.<br /><br />The voice is clear and engaging, with just enough humor ("chart-topping bad day" and "barfed" are great word choices) and a nice flow.<br /><br />The narrator wins me over immediately - yes, a kid puking in my taxi would pretty much ruin my day too. The fact that I like this narrator makes me eager to read on.Susan Shttp://www.susanspann.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55416102397851731032012-02-23T18:12:45.548-05:002012-02-23T18:12:45.548-05:00Ha. Yes. I love this. I've had a lot of those ...Ha. Yes. I love this. I've had a lot of those days.sbjameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06986950185596914217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53225729142221293662012-02-23T17:23:00.237-05:002012-02-23T17:23:00.237-05:00Yes! LOVE the chart-topping - it's a great way...Yes! LOVE the chart-topping - it's a great way to describe something and gives us the voice straight away.Tamarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16466014613515065083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51738027395944037382012-02-23T16:45:40.818-05:002012-02-23T16:45:40.818-05:00Yes.
I was going to say no because "I knew i...Yes.<br /><br />I was going to say no because "I knew it was going to be a bad day when" is as cliche as it gets, but there was just enough voice there to lead me on.<br /><br />I also smell barfy cab, now. Thanks.<br /><br />I'm on the fence about chart-topping. It didn't turn me off in the first read through. It sounded very saracstic and was a part of the narrator voice. If too many readers object, then maybe think about "record-setting" or some other equivalent. <br /><br />The one thing I worry about is that the kid puking is just the start of a bunch of minor inconveniences we have to wade through to get to the real trouble. If dealing with the barf, though, leads us to the actual problem, then I'll read straight through.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24957027158250051692012-02-23T16:37:36.156-05:002012-02-23T16:37:36.156-05:00No. Barf is gross.No. Barf is gross.Cherylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02106422736653397018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81453025268850221972012-02-23T15:38:27.172-05:002012-02-23T15:38:27.172-05:00Yes! Great voice, promises a fun ride.Yes! Great voice, promises a fun ride.Sarah Floydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11202671048418865629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16935941987390085242012-02-23T14:36:54.112-05:002012-02-23T14:36:54.112-05:00Yes. Gives a good sense of the book with characte...Yes. Gives a good sense of the book with character, voice, setting, etc. I love the word barf. p.s. "chart-topping" is going to divide readers based on taste, but I doubt they'd put the book down because of it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11607291218714097810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65308529441280778072012-02-23T14:31:02.744-05:002012-02-23T14:31:02.744-05:00Oh yeah! Loved the sarcasm, which shows our taxi d...Oh yeah! Loved the sarcasm, which shows our taxi driver probably has a sense of humor (driving a taxi can't be an easy job, so a sense of humor is a must), although I agree that "chart-topping" should be hyphenated.DJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14359760998871484565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2996836780901016952012-02-23T14:27:18.330-05:002012-02-23T14:27:18.330-05:00Yes, although I did think the chart topping wasn&#...Yes, although I did think the chart topping wasn't needed and a little awkward.Pattihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00685341739870191402noreply@blogger.com