tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7490619053922802834..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Drop the Needle: REVELATION #21Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71021588799331056822011-03-11T05:21:13.895-05:002011-03-11T05:21:13.895-05:00Thanks to everybody who read! (author here) Your c...Thanks to everybody who read! (author here) Your constructive feedback is much appreciated :)Ekstasishttp://jessicamaylin.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90936013584527939342011-03-11T04:46:16.622-05:002011-03-11T04:46:16.622-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Jessica May Linhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07166500450547294457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50326139686103298852011-03-07T20:39:56.909-05:002011-03-07T20:39:56.909-05:00Powerful! Great job, great tension. Don't have...Powerful! Great job, great tension. Don't have anything to add to the above comments, except for maybe where to find the black dress with the built-in push-up bra.DJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14359760998871484565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21840829316316184992011-03-04T11:58:17.455-05:002011-03-04T11:58:17.455-05:00Nice Job.
I'm confused about the skates - a...Nice Job. <br /><br />I'm confused about the skates - are they ice skates? Roller Skates? But maybe that's explained earlier or later. <br /><br />Either way - I like this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20581083393794475052011-03-03T21:42:34.708-05:002011-03-03T21:42:34.708-05:00I liked this one. And agree with everything mentio...I liked this one. And agree with everything mentioned before me, so no point in repeating it all. Good jobJodi Henryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216373059861459896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72584937287526456612011-03-03T17:02:09.753-05:002011-03-03T17:02:09.753-05:00I really like this. The description of the mom is ...I really like this. The description of the mom is great - she is definitely not driving the minivan for the soccer carpool. <br /><br />I especially loved the last bit here from "Healing myself" all the way to the end. I think there is some small tightening up you could do. <br /><br />For example: But we said neither of those things to each other now. <br /><br />could be: But we said neither of those things.Kate Karyus Quinnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15581176126578915929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54230438673109550562011-03-03T16:21:30.046-05:002011-03-03T16:21:30.046-05:00I'm resorting to nits because this is so well ...I'm resorting to nits because this is so well done. It pretty much works as is, I thought. You caught my attention and made me want to read more, and the MC's sudden sense of empowerment comes across as sudden (which is really nice, considering I don't know what has been going on thus far) and feels like it means a lot to her.<br /><br />Parg 1 - Dorian HAD stood earlier<br />Parg 2 - cut 'I realized'<br />Parg 3 - cut 'but'<br />Parg 5 - cut the "I wondered's" Would she take them away? Would I fight her if she tried?<br />Parg 6 - What have you been doing WHEN you GO out. And cut 'she wanted to know." Redundant.<br /><br />Nicely done!Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6189564854747121782011-03-03T14:56:14.638-05:002011-03-03T14:56:14.638-05:00Healing myself, I thought.
Learning to fight.
Fa...Healing myself, I thought.<br /><br />Learning to fight.<br /><br />Falling in love.<br /><br />Breaking free.<br /><br />I'm not sure you need the "I thought" up there. I'm also not sure I like this list set up like that, taking up so much of the page. But I really liked the tension in this and I'm interested to see where it's going.Christine L. Arnoldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15678937811363853702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79974059071914819282011-03-03T12:22:20.560-05:002011-03-03T12:22:20.560-05:00I don't have anything to add that hasn't b...I don't have anything to add that hasn't been covered. I loved this and want to read what happens before and after this scene!tarakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11879814735940426961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81067086395889750122011-03-03T11:31:44.994-05:002011-03-03T11:31:44.994-05:00Echoing others here. I really liked this, and I...Echoing others here. I really liked this, and I'd definitely read on!Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32387047483669012622011-03-03T11:06:43.075-05:002011-03-03T11:06:43.075-05:00Lots of tension here, and great imagery. Some nits...Lots of tension here, and great imagery. Some nits, but they've already been picked. <br /><br />Good job. I want to know more!Tere Kirklandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13562750950130316280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91797336546691947032011-03-03T10:55:34.562-05:002011-03-03T10:55:34.562-05:00I really like this one. Just a few small things:
...I really like this one. Just a few small things:<br /><br />I don’t think you need the “But” in “But we said neither of those things…”<br /><br />In the sentence, “I wondered if I would fight…” the “when she tried” is both a little confusing and redundant. You said earlier “if” she would try to take them, but now you’re repeating that saying she will take them. Maybe try rewording it so it’s just wondering if she would fight, like maybe “I wondered if I would fight her to keep them”. <br /><br />But other than those two small things, I really liked this section. I liked the image of Dorian (whoever he is) and Mom standing in the same place, but representing opposite things, and I love the tension between Mom and the MC.Mandy P.S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02453249544598951624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57704765287360344492011-03-03T10:53:38.371-05:002011-03-03T10:53:38.371-05:00I really like the ending inner thoughts of the gir...I really like the ending inner thoughts of the girl. Dramatic self-realization perfect for a teenager. I also like the latent danger I'm sensing from the mom. The only thing that bothers me is "What have you been doing after you got out?" The verb tense seems wrong. "What did you do after you got out?" seems better.CourtneyChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09378719093957870376noreply@blogger.com