tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7491922442121047607..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: #37 SECRET AGENT Are You Hooked?Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54534596221512008092008-07-20T11:09:00.000-04:002008-07-20T11:09:00.000-04:00I'm going with a yes, I'm a sucker for misundersto...I'm going with a yes, I'm a sucker for misunderstood mutants.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60902690301723866522008-07-20T04:16:00.000-04:002008-07-20T04:16:00.000-04:00Almost...I like the premise, it's an intriguing sc...Almost...<BR/><BR/>I like the premise, it's an intriguing scenario with a mutant in a hospital bed. Unfortunately I found the use of the doctor and students a bit dry and "proxy-narrator".<BR/><BR/>I'd like to see something a little more personally from the mc's perspective. How she feels, what she's thinking, what it's like to be a "specimen".<BR/><BR/>But I'm a hard sell with SF.<BR/><BR/>Good luck with this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40741178771838928872008-07-20T02:58:00.000-04:002008-07-20T02:58:00.000-04:00This had a very interesting POV and premise. I lik...This had a very interesting POV and premise. I like that it's shown from the mutant's perspective and relies on sensory details. It's not really my cup of tea so I, personally, wouldn't read on, but your writing is very good.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62792856022095019212008-07-19T20:24:00.000-04:002008-07-19T20:24:00.000-04:00I loved this a lot, and it definitely hooked me. 8...I loved this a lot, and it definitely hooked me. 8^) I've been seeing a lot of mutant stories/novel manuscripts lately. Hmmm... Is it because of the Fantastic Four movies, or X-Men? Funny how trends come in waves. But I do like this, mostly because the character interaction is so well-done. When they put on the gloves, don't say "they had put on gloves." It's already obvious what the snap and latex smell mean. Nice job!Karen Duvallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01839711547501582977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55742250400547396402008-07-19T16:24:00.000-04:002008-07-19T16:24:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Ardythhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15379643762791779892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62845623083129334032008-07-18T17:07:00.000-04:002008-07-18T17:07:00.000-04:00Wow. Thanks everybody for your advice and your hon...Wow. Thanks everybody for your advice and your honesty :)<BR/><BR/>~AuthorAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5375531971877595482008-07-18T14:55:00.000-04:002008-07-18T14:55:00.000-04:00Maybe...I like the idea, but probably wanted a str...Maybe...<BR/><BR/>I like the idea, but probably wanted a strong connection to the MC lying on the table.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73993892638694009562008-07-18T12:33:00.000-04:002008-07-18T12:33:00.000-04:00Not at all.I felt disconnected from the scene and ...Not at all.<BR/><BR/>I felt disconnected from the scene and the writing felt generic.<BR/>"Several loud slaps..." "There was a general murmuring..."<BR/><BR/>There's too much passive voice. Use "The stench of 'Sarah's' sweet perfume overwhelmed her," rather that using was. The same is true where you used the passive voice in other sentences. Some sentence restructuring would maybe draw me in, but I wasn't really hooked by the idea that there's something happening but nothing going on.Kathryn Hupp-Harrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03776391661543060879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7049871758335840132008-07-18T08:07:00.000-04:002008-07-18T08:07:00.000-04:00Yes, I would read on. I was a bit confused about ...Yes, I would read on. I was a bit confused about how the MC knew it was Dr. Grobe, a Clinic scientist, who was speaking, if the MC couldn't see, but in reading on I see that the MC is blind and must know the Dr. from previous encounters. Maybe making that more clear would help?Victorinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06052077366367623323noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14482004457944454422008-07-18T06:01:00.000-04:002008-07-18T06:01:00.000-04:00I'm not really hooked yet, although I wouldn't tos...I'm not really hooked yet, although I wouldn't toss it aside without reading a little further to see if it could hook me.Hilaryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10985002695662722444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60609171933860161152008-07-18T01:26:00.000-04:002008-07-18T01:26:00.000-04:00I'm interested to read more... although I think i...I'm interested to read more... although I think it could use a little polish on the writing.Ardythhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15379643762791779892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58106575830718425162008-07-18T01:20:00.000-04:002008-07-18T01:20:00.000-04:00I've already read this. Would leave feedback, but ...I've already read this. Would leave feedback, but you know what I think.Beth Overmyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04820441246149409581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19718992398836763782008-07-17T23:37:00.000-04:002008-07-17T23:37:00.000-04:00Yes, I'm curious about the MC's world and how it i...Yes, I'm curious about the MC's world and how it impacts her.<BR/><BR/>MLFAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22464295978100628822008-07-17T23:21:00.000-04:002008-07-17T23:21:00.000-04:00Lovely :) Except 'had been' in para two ought to b...Lovely :) <BR/><BR/>Except 'had been' in para two ought to be 'be', since you want it to currently be approaching, not to have been approaching in the past and no longer doing so ;):PAmy Laurenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16782528327499574711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11227983495569915232008-07-17T20:38:00.000-04:002008-07-17T20:38:00.000-04:00Yes, interesting enough for me to read more. I lik...Yes, interesting enough for me to read more. I like the idea of Nightingale being a mutant trapped in some sort of institution. The interns around her act like she isn't aware of them, and it's sad seeing how much she does notice and hear. I'm curious to know more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30760089321849349202008-07-17T19:22:00.000-04:002008-07-17T19:22:00.000-04:00Yes. I think it really cooks in para 3--I wonder i...Yes. I think it really cooks in para 3--I wonder if you could open there and recycle the bit about listening to the interns into the "Broghan winced" paragraph, to give us a sense of her awareness level while keeping the pacing taunt.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7010376263746761492008-07-17T19:03:00.000-04:002008-07-17T19:03:00.000-04:00The opening bit confused me, but I definitely got ...The opening bit confused me, but I definitely got hooked by the end once the doctor and med students started talking. Very interesting set up!LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80857969819370256192008-07-17T17:56:00.000-04:002008-07-17T17:56:00.000-04:00I'm hooked, but I really wasn't sure until the thi...I'm hooked, but I really wasn't sure until the third paragraph. I'd lose the first two and start in the middle of the action.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80178990857949553682008-07-17T17:25:00.000-04:002008-07-17T17:25:00.000-04:00Hmm, I like the content and situation (I could see...Hmm, I like the content and situation (I could see this as a comic book) but doesn't exactly grab me right away, so it's a maybe.<BR/><BR/>Good luck,<BR/><BR/>~MercMerchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84805481184724865872008-07-17T17:11:00.000-04:002008-07-17T17:11:00.000-04:00I get a sense that this would work as a graphic no...I get a sense that this would work as a graphic novel.<BR/><BR/>Not hooked, but I think it has some potential.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75848284608610219692008-07-17T16:35:00.000-04:002008-07-17T16:35:00.000-04:00This hooked me. I don't get the outflow of energy...This hooked me. I don't get the outflow of energy part, and why gloves are required for her safety. But I'm sure that's explained. I'd definitely read on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15251587265987067332008-07-17T15:22:00.000-04:002008-07-17T15:22:00.000-04:00The lot of you must have submitted at the same tim...The lot of you must have submitted at the same time... I know where this goes, I'm biased, I do like the opening and the rest of the chapters I've seen as well.<BR/><BR/>(hint hint- more chapters?)Liana Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14587774916354749190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66062093814398336532008-07-17T14:51:00.000-04:002008-07-17T14:51:00.000-04:00Very interesting! I'd definately read on for more...Very interesting! I'd definately read on for more. I don't quite get what the outflow of healing energy is (and why then she can't heal herself), but I'd assume that would all be explained further in.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33344664901291687462008-07-17T13:56:00.000-04:002008-07-17T13:56:00.000-04:00Yes! Okay, I know what happens next, but this hook...Yes! Okay, I know what happens next, but this hooks me, there are lots of questions in my mind, I like the writing style - good opener!Nayuleskahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08693548526829437580noreply@blogger.com